Alternative lifestyle – Millennial Mom

Unpublished Gems: Why I Stopped Sending My 8-year old to “Daycare”

Bree all dressed and ready for school… looking her best and shining bright, September 2017

Yet again, it has been months since I blogged last. I’ve lacked time, inspiration, and ideas of what to share here on my blog. Despite this, I I love what I started 5 years ago here on Millennial Mom and want to get back to writing and sharing my life story more consistently. I am working on new content now and have decided that in the interim, I will share my folder of drafted pieces with my followers before I release a write that is more in line with what has transpired in my life recently. This series of posts will be titled Unpublished Gems. In honor of my baby girl who truly isn’t a baby anymore, and who will be a teenager in just a few short weeks, I am publishing this article that I drafted 4 years ago. It’s dusty and quite dated however, I hope that it will resonate/inspire one of my readers. So here it goes!

Where did my baby go? 13 in just a few weeks. Parenting is the one thing in my life that has shown me that time waits for no one.

The cost of childcare these days is close to a college tuition. But when you’re a full-time working parent with limited support, sometimes you just have to accept that cost. I was fortunate for many years to have free childcare from 7:15am to 6:00pm, Monday thru Friday. Yup that’s right… FREE. Who could pass up that offer? You’d be surprised to know that I accepted that deal for a short time before I gave it up. Now before you conclude that I’m a crazy person for doing such a thing, listen to my story and reasoning for why.

My daughter’s daycare was located at P.S. 377 in Brooklyn, New York on the second floor. I would drive 40 minutes with traffic to drop her off in the morning, after a 5:30am wake-up. I’d then hustle to work fighting more traffic then race against the clock, in even more traffic at 4:30pm to make it back to my baby just before 6:00pm. Once back at home, it would be about 7pm and mama was completing household duties, homework, and work for clients. I would have a two-hour window to make dinner, lunches for the following day, tidy the house, get a shower, and spend time with “mini me”. Now I’m sure after reading up to this point you have two big questions. So let me answer one that you may have which is how did I balance such a hectic schedule? The answer is by the grace of a higher power who loves me dearly. I literally sacrificed my health and sleep to keep up with this lifestyle. But who was it benefiting? My apartment management company who I gave away the majority of my salary to; or the creditors and loan companies that I owed; or my utility companies? That’s not really the problem here as I entered those agreements and fully accepted the responsibility. The problem is why wasn’t my “mini me” and the care providers who looked after her for almost 12-hours per day, benefiting just as much? That never sat well with me and one day I told myself that something had to change. After consulting with an “expert” I agreed that I was not going to send my daughter to daycare anymore.

By now you may be on to the point that I’m making. My reference to “daycare” is not speaking of the typical daycare that you first think of when you hear the word (I will also note now that the “expert” I consulted with was my daughter). Daycare for us became my daughter’s school. Before I move on, let me be clear that my point-of-view is in no way demeaning teachers or school systems! I instead wish to highlight my believe that a huge burden placed on teachers in America; some of the most under paid professionals in our society who bare the greatest responsibility. In addition to this point, I write this post to share my reasoning for why I could no longer allow my little to be a part of the traditional school system. Now moving right along…

How could the most important person in my life be in receipt of so little of my time? Every other entity in my life was given more of my energy and resources than she was. People have argued that as a working mom, I was affording my daughter everything that she needed and that was the benefit for her in our situation. However, after traveling and world-schooling for a short time, I realized that the life that I afforded us in the states was not what we needed at all. In fact it was my want… my desire to keep up with one way of life when there are many other ways. This want lacked consideration of all the small things that truly make life special. When I finally realized this, minimalism and unorthodox living became a huge thing for me. We were going to do more with less in unique ways that were fitting for us, and refocus our lives on what really mattered most: our happiness, quality time, memories, and family. We strongly believed that homeschooling and child-led learning would afford us just that.

I ultimately decided to register my “mini me” as a homeschooled student again in 2018 and decided that I would become a stay-at-home mom again. We previously tried this lifestyle out in 2015 and loved it but ended up back at the starting line of the rat race in 2017 (I’ll detail why in another write that pertains to my dearest love Ilya, who I have since lost). We experienced all the pressures of the American Dream and disliked it. We designed a new way of living but later came back to try the accepted dream again, only to find that our sentiments were exactly the same. Instead of complaining about going back to something that clearly was not for us, I made a decision that I am now sticking to. I have established a bill of rights for my family that include my children being my top priority in a way that it shows.

As for me in my household, my children will be the recipients of the majority of my time, energy and resources; their happiness will be a valued genuinely above all else; and I as their mother and guide with a spiritual connection to them from their time in my womb will see them for who they are, assume the responsibility for connecting them to learning opportunities in line with who they are, that will ultimately carry them far in life no matter where their little feet (or a plane) shall take them. I will never preach about what another parent or family should do and I stand firm in demanding that others offer me the same. Even as a professional who has attained “higher education” , I crave more (something different) for my children.

A’Bree’s (12) first day of 7th grade and A’Brahm’s (3) first day of pre-k, homeschool edition, August 2021

As things stand, my littles are in my care daily; happy, learning through culturally rich experiences, and thriving. This lifestyle came with many sacrifices including a great employment opportunity. However, our lifestyle and their futures hold way more value. We will continue on this path until we are routed elsewhere and along the way we will continue to share our story with the world.

Our little family unit! I’m so proud of what we have built and what we have overcome. I know Papa is smiling down on us, proud 🤍

I hope someone was inspired by this piece. I dare you to take a risk and change something uncomfortable in your life. With or without a plan, just have faith. The universe has you!! Stay tuned, until next time…

Xoxo,

Millennial Mom

The Day a Stranger Fed My Soul: feedback from a follower

e571f489-2326-44dd-9582-64c8e3741c16

Why is it that we learn the most about a person’s impact on the world after they die? I started to think more and more about this following the death of rapper Nipsey Hussel. To be honest, I had no clue about who he was prior to his death. I only knew who he was after my cousin told me the news and referred to him as “Lauren London’s boyfriend”. Then for weeks as the world prepared to say their last goodbyes to Hussel, I witnessed how many people were truly touched by/mourning his death; celebrities and common-folk alike. I also learned about all of the amazing things that he did for his community and I was inspired. Now this piece is not at all about the latest news in Hip-hop culture. It is however, about the need for us as a people to tell our friends, our loved ones, or even a stranger how they touch our lives… while they exist with us here on earth. This was my experience twice in the past week (this happened in April) where I was on the receiving end of feedback. First happening during a “catch-up” date with a dear friend. My friend opened up to me about the way she viewed me and how I inspired her, and I cried. Hearing what she felt about me was different, a little uncomfortable, and heartwarming all at the same time.

And here’s my gal Nicole… or Kneecole as I often call her. A close friend of many years whom I’ve shared the realest chats with. She can be a little on the shy side so I hope she doesn’t mind me sharing her with you. But she’s been a great support to me for many years, during my toughest times, and I’d scream it from a roof top lol 💙 This is us mingling with the locals on a girls trip in Belize, Fall 2018.

Following the date with my friend, I asked myself why I felt any discomfort during our chat. After all we have been close friends since childhood. I came to realize that I felt weird about receiving positive feedback because I don’t get such genuine recognition enough. I also cried because my friend’s words spoke to my soul and in summary told me to keep pushing because I was doing something right. For some time I have asked mother universe, what is my purpose? who do people understand me to be? and what mark will I leave on the world when my body leaves this earth? Very deep questions, I know but I cannot carry-on in this life without confirmation. And my interaction with my friend was just that. Recently, mother universe again sent me what I asked for…. soul food and feedback; coming by way of a complete stranger in my inbox. The writer wrote:

Tanisha,

I just read your latest post and you are amazing. I first read one of your posts around 2 years ago. I was at one of the lowest points in my life. At that point I had been teaching for about 18 years. I loved the children I taught for years, and for years that kept me there. Then my job started affecting my life and my parenting. One morning when I was really feeling helpless I read your blog about giving everything up and traveling with your daughter. It gave me hope.

Through all my years (in our hometown), I knew your dad. It took me awhile to make the connection. When I saw his picture with your daughter the other day I figured out you were his daughter. Through my 18 years I would see your dad and he always spoke of you. He was always so proud of you and your accomplishments. The year I read your blog I started therapy and gained enough confidence to look for another job after 18 years. I ended up getting a position I love, 6 minutes from my house. I am happy and love my profession again. One day, my son was running a (track & field) meet. I saw your dad and we caught up for awhile. I told him I was looking for a job and he was talking about you and when you used to run. He cheered so loudly for my son that day and my son ran his best race ever. He never reached that time again. I have thought of that day and of you so often through the years. You do not know me, but just know that your words, confidence, and risk taking has made me make huge changes in my life. Thank you for that. I admire your courage!! I also wanted you to know how proud of you, your dad has always been.”

Receiving this message made my week and changed my life. It told me to keep going and so I shall. I end this post with a special message to my friends, family, and followers: tell the people around you what they mean to you! If you have a meaningful experience with a stranger, let them know. We are here for reasons greater than what we think and our interactions with one another help to bring clarity regarding our strengths and the paths that we should travel in life. Our gifts are made to touch others in a special way. What we do or should be doing should be for reasons other than recognition or financial l gain. Here on Millennial Mom, I share my gift of writing and coaching with you. I encourage you to journey through life with purpose! And be true to yourself and that purpose. And last, I advise you not to show up to my funeral crying and carrying on about what I meant to you, if you never told me while I’m here… I’ll call you out lol. I hope someone enjoyed this write. Let me know your thoughts by dropping a comment. Stay tuned and until next time…

Xoxo,

Millennial Mom

We Laugh at “Lucky”… Respect “Resourceful”, and We Are Blessed: the answer to how we are able to travel the way we do!

Happy to share my love for nature and travel with them at such early ages 💙

If you should know one thing about me as a Millennial Mom, you should know about my obsession with travel; and more importantly my dedication to sharing such experiences with my children. If you’re a close friend or family member, you can probably recall the number of times that I said (in the past) that my dream was to stay at home with my children and travel the world with them. And would you look at that, that dream is exactly the dream I am living today. So many people ask us how we travel the way we do, assume that we are “rich”, or comment that we are “lucky” (hah… I don’t recall much of anything that happened in my life being as a result of luck lol). However, I can assure you that what we do is no thanks to any stashed fortune or luck. So I write today to share just how we are able to travel for extended periods as a family. At present, “family” meaning me and my two littles as hubby has stayed behind to work during our recent adventures. I hope my practices inspire someone to try it too. (If you’re looking for more content on this topic, check out my blog post on Budget Travel.)

Me and my “littles” A’Bree (9) and A’Brahm (8-months) 💙💓

Now before I jump into any of the logistical stuff regarding how we travel, I must first highlight the two overall reasons we are able to make this dream life our reality. Reason one is… WE ARE BLESSED. Plain and simple! We would not be able to live this dream without the man above hearing my countless prayers, seeing my heart, and putting opportunities in my path. Call me crazy for believing in this way but I see no other way. I am blessed that my energy has guided my family and I to places that give us just what we need in terms of healing, peace, and balance. We rarely travel to places that we are familiar, or where we know people. We always venture out in search of the things I’ve just mentioned. And this is a part of the reason why meditation has become a big part of our world. But I won’t get too deep into this subject just yet. It’s a topic for a future post. Just understand that in a nutshell, we are blessed and I’m a mama very much in-tune with the universe.

Sometimes the only way you can see your next step, is through prayer and meditation… Falling to your knees with an open heart. I teach this young!

Not only are we blessed to live this life, but we are RESOURCEFUL. We have learned to seek out the things that help make our dream life possible. Two of the things we sought out prior to taking on this traveling lifestyle were my job which is remote and a homeschooling routine for “mini me”. Being able to work and school from home makes this dream life doable while keeping up with the two things we must do; work and study. Prior to traveling and as we travel, there are a few things that we do which allow us to keep traveling and spending extended time away from home. To start, we…

1. Plan Ahead

We plan ahead as much as possible prior to traveling for the purpose of budgeting, saving, and planning out our school and work schedules. If we were last minute travelers, we probably would not be able to continue traveling as frequently as we do. I have a book that I call my “life journal” which has a section dedicated solely to travel. This journal helps me with planning trips, noting wish list destinations, comparing travel costs, and tracking the best places to travel based on cost/season. Inside, there are trips organized as far as one year in advance. I have an old journal just for travel which I now look back on to see how I mapped out our long-term international trip. In that journal, I made a savings plan, made to/do lists, highlighted things to be purchased liked backpacks and travel insurance (Allianz Global), and tracked my planning weekly and monthly. It has become a resource for me and brings back great memories when reading through it. I encourage anyone looking to take on any big venture to get a journal dedicated to keeping track of your goal(s) as it is extremely helpful and motivating.

My ” target=”_blank” rel=”noopener”> “Life Journal” with these cool holographic scratch notes that can be found here

I recently planned an upcoming surprise trip for my mama’s birthday in a span of six months, where we will live like “royalty” for one week. There will be 6-8 of us traveling together. The planning time for this trip allowed me to secure travel and accommodation options for everyone within a very inexpensive budget (under $3k to be exact). The accommodation that I found would cost me a fortune if I waited to book it, so planning ahead was essential for planning this surprise trip and saving. Now there are occasions where I plan last minute trips. During these instances, I simply research multiple sites for airfare and look into different types of accommodation before booking anything. Which brings me to my next point…

2. Shop Around

We never book the first thing that we see. We research plane tickets on multiple sites prior to booking them and roll with whatever is more affordable. Sometimes that means booking from an airline directly. Other times it means booking through our favorite sites like Momondo, CheapOair, Skyscanner, Priceline, or Orbitz. There are occasions when we book roundtrip flights and other times that we book one way options. Sometimes booking a one way flight saves you a ton of cash so it’s important to look prior to just rolling with a round-trip ticket. Again, we always go with what’s more affordable.

In regards to accommodation, we choose between hotels, Airbnb-s, and VRBO-s (Vacation Rentals by Owner ). Most times we rock with Airbnb-s (sign up using my link at the end of this post, to earn $40 to use towards your first stay). With this type of accommodation, we like that we get to rent nice spaces that feel like home, and love that such places have kitchens where I can cook. This saves us money when it comes to dining and we typically choose to eat out for only one meal which is lunch/dinner. While traveling out of the states, securing inexpensive accommodation is pretty easy; simply by walking around and communicating with locals or booking online through the platforms I’ve just shared. One perk we found while booking hotels and hostels abroad, was that breakfast was almost always included. And the low cost of living in different countries allowed us to dine at tons of restaurants for a fraction of what it would cost at home in NYC. Now on to my next point….

Some fun accommodation that we recently found via Airbnb and stayed in… a yacht in Key Largo, FL and a converted school bus in Homestead, FL.

3. Budget, Work, and Save

After booking trips, we come up with a budget of what we anticipate we will spend for the time that we will be away. I come up with an estimated budget based on what activities we will do and considering the area we will be in. The website Numbeo helps me greatly with budgeting. “Mini me” is typically responsible for coming up with the itinerary of things to do. This is mainly because we always connect travel and homeschooling (aka “worldschooling”). I like for my daughter to find things to do related to her interests/studies and I guide her when needed. (If you’re interested in learning more about how we school at home, check out my post Our Home… Her School.) After coming up with an anticipated budget, we then work and save. Not for the upcoming trip, but for future trips. We have funds allocated to travel and after we tap into our fund for a trip, we work to replenish it. Now when I say “work”, it’s not just my job that brings in income for travel. We save:

Money that “Mini me” earns from collecting bottles
Cash back rewards from shopping and credit cards
Money we make from selling our gently/unworn clothing (check out my Poshmark closet for some chic finds).

Our earnings from these hobbies are never a lot but they do add up. The biggest earnings we made came after we cleared out our apartment in Brooklyn, NY by selling everything. We used the funds we made to pay for a good portion of our South/Central American adventures. When it comes to saving, my goal is always to save at least half of the amount that I anticipate we will spend on a trip before we depart. Sometimes things go according to plan and other times not so much but it’s always good to have a goal. And whenever we are about to get on the road, my stress levels are low so I’m not too overwhelmed if I don’t meet my goal. The last thing that we do to make it so we can keep traveling is…

4. To Continue Traveling

Lol! So long as we continue to roam and fall in love with new places, new foods/cultures, and new people, the desire to travel will always be there for us. Since the day that Bree and I got the travel bug about five years ago, we have found that traveling only feeds that bug more. And since that time, we have continued to travel as often as we can. We make it our number one priority to always seek out places that work within our budget. While we travel, we practice a few habits that allow us to keep costs low on our trips which include:

Cooking at least one meal in our accommodation
Packing snacks to take on outings
Filling our itinerary with free and low cost activities (botanical gardens, museums, national parks, libraries, beaches, etc)
Walking places whenever possible
Limiting our shopping and collection of items to take back home

However, much of the savings come with choosing the right destination based on the cost/season and shopping around for airfare. We use a number of resources to help us budget and know when and where to travel. For our international trip, we heavily utilized author & blogger Matthew Kepnes’ site Nomadic Matt to help choose travel destinations, create an itinerary, and decide when to travel. The website Rome2Rio is my go to, to learn the best/most affordable ways to get around. As I previously mentioned, Numbeo.com helps me budget travel domestically and internationally. This site breaks down the cost of living in any region down to how much you can anticipate to pay for eggs lol. I pray that the day will come when I will be able to eliminate this form of planning prior to taking a trip. But for now, as long as we remain a lower middle-class family trying to make ends meet in one of the most expensive cities in the world, while still trying to follow our hearts and dreams, this is what we must do.

The view from our plane window, heading to Milan, Italy.

I hope someone found this read inspirational, interesting, and helpful. Travel is big on our agenda for 2019 and I cannot wait to finish our two series “Oh the Places We’ve Been” and “Oh the Places We’ll Go”, to share with our readers. In addition, I will soon be blogging about remote work options and things to make money before/while traveling ; as I know many people are mostly interested in finding income to sustain travel. We are currently on a fun adventure in the Florida Keys, and have one upcoming trip at the end of the month. I won’t spoil our future blog posts by sharing any details now, so stay tuned! Until next time…

Xoxo,

Millennial Mom

Not down with Airbnb yet and looking for more than a hotel stay while traveling away from home? Sign up using my link and earn $40 to use towards your first booking:

https://abnb.me/e/lEOUWKDEbV

Are you also a nomad with tips to share? Are you a parent interested in trying out travel with your little(s)? Do you like to travel but need to learn how to be more resourceful or want to use my skills? Drop a comment below or message me!

The Millennial Mom “Tidying Up” Challenge: sorting through the chaos

One of my favorite rooms in our home… our master bedroom 💙

If you read my latest blog post Journey to Tiny House Living, you may recall me mention our family’s plan to tidy up our tiny NYC apartment. Although our home is typically quite neat and organized, the truth is we have acquired way too much stuff again. Stuff that would never neatly fit into a tiny home. In addition, things have been quite chaotic for us the past few months. And chaos and clutter don’t mix. So, we have been planning to make some changes for some time now. We were inspired to start sorting through all of our belongings and purging after watching the Netflix docu-series “Tidying Up” with Marie Kondo. The series helped us realize that a thorough household cleaning and organization task would A: better prepare us to soon live in a tiny house and B: bring back the sense of calm/structure in our lives which kind of escaped us since our relapse to excessive buying, spending, and collecting. I’ve always found cleaning to be very therapeutic however, this challenge proved to be that and more on a much higher level. So detailed herein is the process of how we tidied up our nest… purged, organized, and deep cleaned to be exact; some of our thoughts and feelings during the challenge; and many pictures to show before the purge and after. (Link to our YouTube video at the conclusion).

The room in our home where lots of hugs and cuddles happen.

On Wednesday 2/13/19, “mini me” and I began day one of our seven day “Tidying Up” challenge at home. I planned for no work or clients for the week, and scheduled nothing else for us to do. Hubby’s work schedule would not allow him to really be a part of the fun so we left his closet for him to complete on his own this weekend. We started tidying our “loving room” first as it is the place where we spend the most time. Out of all the rooms in our home, it is the neatest with most of the clutter nestled away in our tv stand. For this challenge, we pulled all things (which included papers, pictures, old electronics, craft supplies, and more) out from their hiding places. We got huge trash bags and Banker’s Boxes and got to work. We spent at least four hours sorting between things to be trashed, things to be stored, and things to be neatly tucked away. Bree had a blast shredding papers, taking pictures and videos, and singing along to our cleaning playlist. At the end of it all, our living room was decluttered and smelling fresh. We lit some candles, turned on our essential oil defuser, and soaked in the new energy in the room. Our “loving room” has become even more of a place where we want to spend our time. Following day one of the cleanse, we rested.

My little helpers working to bring order to our “loving room”.

Each day I targeted one room or closet. I was so into making everything as perfect as possible that I couldn’t do multiple spaces per day without tiring myself out. Following the living room, I hit the dining room and our coat closet on day two. This portion of the challenge mainly consisted of shredding more papers and mail, reorganizing the way in which things were stored in our hallway closet, and packing up the things that we occasionally use to be sent to our storage unit. Before I considered the project in our dinning complete, I vacuumed and mopped the floors, scrubbed the walls, and cleaned the baseboards. The finished product is seen in the picture below. The catastrophe that our dining room was prior to working on it, is captured in our YouTube video.

After the organization that we did on the second day of our challenge, I felt so happy, refreshed, and empowered from simply cleaning as corny as that sounds. But it was my effort at tidying that was creating a new energy in the rooms of our home for us all to enjoy. And as I saw progress I felt motivated to keep going. I moved on from tackling our coat closet on day two to getting busy in our linen closet on day three.

How did I ever start my morning at ease, when my linen closet looked like this? Mom and God forgive me for I know better 🤣

I’m embarrassed to say that this was once the condition of my linen closet, which is actually home to a lot more things than just linens. Our linen closet houses towels, sheets, hair and beauty supplies, cleaning products, and dirty laundry. Out of all the places in my home, I believe it should be one of the neatest as everything in it is related to cleanliness, upkeep, and appearance. It was much more neatly kept once upon a time but things changed as more and more items needed a home there. As the third place that I tidied in this challenge, it was my favorite to organize. I was able to make a new space that allowed me to access ALL of my makeup, folded my sheets and towels so pretty that they were nice to look at, and organized everything without one thing being out of place. It was a quick task and transition in comparison to the other two spaces that I started with, and allowed me to move on to my kitchen in the same day.

Folding laundry has always been my thing! No Marie K folding at this stage, my method will do.

My kitchen is typically spic and span. I spend a lot of time there preparing meals for my family (my absolute favorite thing to do). I find it hard to function in there and successfully prepare a meal if anything is out of place. So I make it a priority to keep things neat and organized in the kitchen. However, like all of the other rooms in our home, the accumulated items have made it difficult to keep tidy and hard for me to live according to the rule that I constantly feed to “mini me”… “everything has a home”. So the purging part of this challenge was much needed in the organization of our kitchen. As I tossed mismatched Tupperware and spaced and stacked my spices, I began to love my kitchen even more. After I found new homes above our cabinets for less frequently used items, the space became so much more open. The lemon scent was amazing and so was the smell of dinner in the Crockpot!

As you can see from the items stored above our cabinets, we make the most of all space… a practice that will be essential as we transition into a tiny house!

Under table storage… one day I’ll tell you about my life saving mini washing machine. Thank you Amazon 🙏🏾

On Day four of this challenge, I targeted our bathroom which is probably the size of three chartered bus bathrooms. There was very little to organize and you’ll see the before and after in our YouTube video. It was super easy and allowed me to move on to the next jobs quickly. The last two rooms and challenge days six and seven nearly took us out. We saved the worst for last… our bedrooms! After being away from home for over three weeks, we returned and dropped our bags on the floors in our rooms knowing that we would soon be tidying up. We let days pass and felt little need to put things away where they belonged. So we started tidying these spaces with a larger mess than we typically have. My anxiety tank was full and I felt very overwhelmed getting started. My patience was running thin and I’m sure “mini me” despised me those two days. However, the feeling I felt made it much easier for me to toss all the things that didn’t “spark joy” and needed to go, rather than come up with an excuse to keep them. I started to feel greedy and ungrateful when looking at the piles of things I had and never wore. I was a little disappointed that I went through this process three years ago but was back in the same place.

Following Marie Kondo and making a pile to start attacking this monstrosity lol

“So you’re telling me this pink paper in mama’s closet keeps her focused and driven? Amazing”

But……. things happen and you can’t cry over spilt milk; or in my case money spent that I’ll never get back. So I righted my wrong by decluttering and cleaning like I never did before. I insisted that Bree watch and help me in my bedroom to prepare her for the task at hand in her room. I completed my room after over eight hours. My back ached and my mood was off but I realized how much I cherished everything that remained in my room. And the hard work of this challenge will be the reason I think wisely before resorting to impulsive shopping again. I ultimately ended day six with three trash bags ready for donation and 15 new pairs of shoes (either never worn or worn once) ready to be sold online. The sentimental part of this task came as I gifted some of my small expensive pieces to my baby girl. When she tried them on and they fit her perfectly, it was eye opening that my “mini me” isn’t so mini anymore. With this realization, my room was complete. I rested and geared up for day seven in “mini me” ‘s room as that space is always hell to clean (sorry Bree).

Marie Kondo style of organizing my drawers

On the final day of our “Tidy Up” challenge we finished how we started… together, singing along to a playlist, and reminiscing as we looked back at things that got lost amongst the clutter. In “mini me” ‘s room we recovered money from the places we’ve been (blog series coming soon), homeschooling projects that reminded us of what a bomb job we are doing, and books that we forgot we had. We retired with not one corner left unswept or unexamined. There is now so much less to fuss with and a room that baby girl says she’s proud of.

“Mini me” says:

“The Tidying Up challenge was very helpful for me because after seeing all the clothes that I had to give away, I felt so relieved. It made me feel better knowing that if my mom were to check my room, there would not be tons of things keeping me up until 1:00am cleaning my room lol. I feel so much better. I hope that other people get a chance to try it!

Photo credit goes to “mini me” who is currently fooling around with photography as a new hobby 😊

And when our feet are planted in a place where we are familiar, we are happy that a book can take us to a place we are not 💙- Tanisha G. Paka

Thank you Marie Kondo 🙏🏾

Altogether, it felt great dedicating seven full days of our time to transforming the spaces in our home. We have a new appreciation for the things that we have and are reminded that we are happier with less. As always, I documented this journey to inspire. As Americans, we are very privileged and this can sometimes cloud our mind to the idea of minimalistic living. So I encourage someone to take on the challenge of “tidying up”. Not because of the Netflix series or because it seems to be the thing to do right now; but because it is our memories rather than materials that give life the most meaning. At the end of this Millennial Mom “Tidying Up” Challenge, the memory of sharing this experience with my daughter and learning a few important life lessons is what I’ll take away. I dare you to try it!

Check out how we completed this challenge from beginning to end in our first Millennial Mom related YouTube video 👇🏾:

Millennial Mom “Tidying Up” Challenge

More to come from Millennial Mom in the days ahead and it’s looking like a series reminiscing on the places we’ve traveled to, is up next so stayed tuned. Until next time…

Xoxo,

Millennial Mom

Did you enjoy this post? Have some questions? Want to join the challenge? Drop a comment and feel free to hash tag #MMtidyupchallenge if you go for it.

Journey to Tiny House Living: moving from one box to another? … Why?

This plaque matches my sentiments regarding tiny house living 💙

If you’re a close family member or friend, you already know about my obsession with the latest Tiny House Movement. If you’re a follower of Millennial Mom, you may have only read a brief mention of our plan to live tiny elsewhere on our blog. Whomever you are, you’re probably wondering what’s with this movement? why a family of four would take on this lifestyle? and how we plan to accomplish it? So this series titled Journey to Tiny House Living will explain just that; starting with why we want to leave our small and expensive apartment in New York City to purchase a small home on wheels. So here’s why we are planning to make the leap from one “box” to another.

And I’m obsessed with the interior design of this tiny home found online 😍

After traveling abroad for seven months with only a 70L backpack, I became obsessed with the idea of minimalism which for me is the art of making the most out of life with less. Before heading overseas, I gave up everything that I owned for a small price and all I had left was clothing; much of which I packed and took abroad with me. While we were on the road, I felt so free knowing there was nothing back home hindering me from genuinely enjoying my experience. Not a subleased apartment in Brooklyn, not a monthly storage fee, not an expensive mortgage…. nothing! When it came to materialistic things, all I had to worry about was my backpack. I was happy that the money we earned and worked so hard for, could be put towards making memories and doing what my little family loved. (Feel free to read more about our extended travel journey and how we financed it in my post on Budget Travel).

Preparing to travel and this is all that I took with me… it was still too much!

Fast forward to today, sadly we are right back to where we were prior to taking on a traveling lifestyle. We returned home from extended travel initially with a plan of working for six months and then getting back on the road. However, so much changed and that did not happen. You can read about what changed for us and why we put traveling on hold in Exciting News & Travel Blues. In summary, we allowed family opinions to sway us into securing an apartment again (worse decision ever). We committed to full-time jobs instead of temp ones as we planned. I put “mini me” back in school. Living in a city where “keeping up with the Jones” is a BIG thing, we lost sight of why we started practicing a minimalistic lifestyle to begin with. We relapsed and starting spending again. Wardrobes became a priority along with filling empty space in our apartment. Dinners and events with friends, a new outfit for every occasion, and a bunch of pointless nonsense was our practice again. Well I should be honest and say was my practice again. Much of this was my behavior and not my husband’s. He simply became a slave to work again while I was guilty of all the other consumerist practices.

My closet today… although neat, it’s a problem that needs tidying up!

Now the universe is teaching me a lesson. Each time I open my closet I experience anxiety and guilt. Each time we want to plan an extended trip, we have to factor in an additional cost of $2,500 to cover rent and utilities while we are away. I’m not happy with how we have failed at our first attempt at minimalistic living but it’s all good. We will try again. This time instead of just putting ourselves in a position to travel backpacker style, we will now work towards our goal of tiny house living. This will put us back to where we need to be and make it much more challenging for us to simply abandon our current lifestyle and come back to it later. We have come up with a list of pros related to tiny house living that will benefit us in so many ways. So here’s why we’re pursuing it.

1. The Cost

Right now what we pay for rent and utilities for our apartment each month is absurd. We are not paying for space as our apartment isn’t that large but instead paying for the location. We are paying towards something that will never be ours and leaving little room to save as much as we’d like. Based on the tiny home we are considering, we will be able to put down a reasonable down-payment, secure a loan with a low interest rate, and pay off the cost within 4-5 years! If you had a choice of paying $2,500 monthly or less than $1,200 monthly (the estimated cost of the monthly loan for our tiny house, the lot rental where we’ll live, and all utilities) which would you choose?

Now a common question that we’ve been asked is what will we do if we no longer want to live in our tiny home or end up not enjoying tiny house living? And we have decided that we will commit to tiny house living for at least 3 years. That’s kind of our leasing period for tiny living. We are locked in for that amount of time and won’t make any major chances until after. If during that time we are unhappy, we will begin planning to purchase an average size home and save to do so. The cost benefit of living tiny will put us in a position to do this.

A follow-up question has been “what will you do with your tiny home if you decide to move into an average size home? And the answer is we will maintain it as a rental property or mother-in-law suite.

The next benefit of going tiny is…

2. Freedom

With a small house on wheels, we have the freedom to travel where we want, when we want. We can go on short or long term trips and not have to worry about an expensive rent or mortgage cost at home. A tiny home can be placed in storage if needed. They have also become popular income properties due to the current public fascination with them. Once we are officially owners, we will take advantage of this and list our home as an Airbnb property whenever we decide to travel.

Tiny house living also gives us the freedom to choose and change where we make our home base. I currently hate living in New York but I am clueless about what states I would love enough to call home. Because of this, my husband and I are not in a position to purchase a home. If we did so and ended up somewhere we did not like, we would bare the burden of selling/renting our home, moving, and taking some losses. Being that my standards and must haves for my future home location are high, I believe it’s wise for us to roam and get an idea of good places for us to live, before we lock down anything.

Another benefit of purchasing a tiny home is…

3. The First Owner Benefit

In customizing our own tiny home, we will be the first people to live and love in it. Based on our current budget, this option would not be available to us if we were purchasing a traditional home. We’d have to buy a home that requires work and put time into completing projects. As much as I love DIY things, that’s not something that I’m interested in doing at this time. My current lifestyle leaves me little room for that. However, a “fixer upper” experience is something that I’d love to share with my family in the future. For now we are excited for the opportunity to plan the building of our tiny home from the ground up.

The last thing that makes tiny house living so appealing to us is…

4. The Motivation it Brings

The concept of tiny house living pushes you to think of doing more in life while living with less. It encourages you to truly live outside of your home and make memories. It reminds you that living with what you need can be comfortable and cozy. And the biggest reminder that it sends to our family is that all we truly need is each other.

I’m excited to work towards this goal with my family. My husband initially thought I was nuts but has since come on board and is looking forward to this journey as well. “Mini me” is super excited and I have been including her in the planning phase of things. We are currently saving for our down payment and researching RV loan options. We will also be visiting tiny home communities starting in March. We have another international travel trip planned and hope to purchase our home sometime in 2020. We will share more about how things are going in the near future, including cleaning out our apartment to prepare for this leap so stay tuned. Until next time…

Xoxo,

Millennial Mom

Are you someone currently living tiny? Are you Interested in tiny living and have questions? Do you have experience with tiny house interior design? Want to tell me what you loved about this post? Simply drop a line in a comments section and subscribe to Millennial Mom ☺️

Will It Be Forever?: 4 unique lessons that year one of marriage taught me

My darling husband and I celebrated one year of marriage on January 4th, 2019 and celebrated three years together as a couple on December 27th, 2018. In this time together we have learned a great deal about what married life really is. I can’t speak for my husband but I can definitely say that I had a few things twisted. I write to share some of my misconceptions and enlightenment here. I know I will have many more realizations in the future and will discover more than what I know now. I pray that these lessons prepare me to persevere through everything that comes along with marriage. Before I delve into what year one has been, I ask that my readers with the ability to keep it real weigh in, in the comments to share some tips and “laws to love by” with me. And if not, Becoming Michelle Obama can continue to be one of my guides to marital success🙏🏾.

Learning about the union of a couple I absolutely adore via this read here 🤗

Lesson 1

In 365 days, I came to realize how easy it can be for outside factors to impact a marriage; some of the biggest factors for us being work schedules and family expectations from relatives outside of our household. These two things weighed heavy on our relationship in year one and created a great deal of pressure that didn’t seem to exist before our marriage. I’m not 100% sure as to why this is but I think this added pressure is the result of a new perception that kinda surfaces after marriage. A perception that tells you that in every way, you and your spouse should always be moving in the same direction; should always be on the same page; and should always be working towards the same goal. And when this is not in fact the case, chaos can erupt. But the lesson that I learned as a resolve to this challenge is how to establish and maintain firm boundaries. Boundaries that take into account my husband and I as individuals and boundaries reached after compromise. As we moved through our first year of marriage we quickly learned the importance of partitioning different aspects of our life to keep our union safe from the input, distraction, and pressure of outside factors. However, creating boundaries for the protection and success of our marriage has not been an easy task. On days when things were chaotic, I just wanted to know that what we were experiencing would eventually be ok. This brings me to my next lesson learned…

Lesson 2

“Misery loves company” but won’t find the company it seeks if the issue at hand is marital trouble. I’m speaking from experience and I’ll elaborate on what I mean. First, let me be clear that this cliche saying does not hold the same meaning here. I was never a miserable wife wishing for the same for someone else. But when challenges would arise in my relationship and I was anxious or worried about what would be (my “misery”), I was seeking some support (the “company”); words from a peer… another wife or newlywed who experienced a similar struggle who could comfort and reassure me. However, such people were nearly impossible to find. What I did find was numbers of people who put on a front and the face of “we don’t have those problems” or any problems at all. People reluctant to discuss the struggles of their own relationships/marriages and people more interested in portraying marriage as “cotton candy in bunny fields” every day (y’all are my inspiration 🙄 NOT). So I found that when going through the trenches, I would not always be so lucky to find support outside of my marriage. Instead, my husband and I had to be that support to one another, work through things we were not happy with, and make the most of life’s lemons which brings me to…

Lesson Three

Live like married life is “cotton candy in bunny fields” every day 😂. Notice I say live here rather than portray, as I did in the previous paragraph where I referenced the perfect marriage pretenders. With lesson three, I’m not saying that I mastered how to be deceitful or an actress when it came to sharing the reality of my marriage. However, I learned to be mindful of all the cute and joy sparking things in my marriage to get through the tough days (can you tell I’ve been watching Marie Kondo in Tidying Up ???). Like on the days when my husband picked up overtime after our baby arrived and I was working from home, trying to prepare dinner, and finish homeschool assignments. I taught myself to remember things like the week prior when he left work early and arrived home with takeout and flowers just because. It was the practice of routinely remembering these sweet and loving gestures that steered rough days in a better direction; and kept me from booting my husband in the head upon his arrival at home whenever he stayed late at work (I love and hate overtime lol). And maybe I had a few things twisted when it came to marital support. Maybe my expectation of finding a supportive peer was unrealistic. However, it’s something that I believe we all need to get through life. The words and encouragement of someone living a similar journey, to remind you that you are not alone. I made it through year one of marriage without much of this kind of support (except for the unwavering support of my mother whom I owe my life) but repeatedly asked God for it. In the midst of seeking support I also said that part of my purpose would be to be one to someone else. So here I am writing. And 10 days into the new year, I found my support… something and someone truly amazing. I’ll share more about what and who I found in a future post but God definitely sends angels and is always right on time. Now on to…

Lesson 4

One of the most important things that I grasped in year one of married life is for hubby and I to be our own inspiration. After learning lessons two and three, I realized that I could easily be misled if I was always seeking “company” and testimony from my peers about their marital life and struggles. Or even looking to social media questioning if picture perfect families ever had bad days. So instead, I regularly reminded myself of my vows (you can read them here: A Promise to My Dearest Love), my relationship goals, and the reason why my husband and I came together as one to begin with. Our story is so unique (you can learn more about it by reading our intro Getting To Know Us) and we need to continue to write it to be just that without replicating what other people have done or are doing. In the act of writing our story, regular communication, planning, and review is necessary; planning of where we hope to be and review of the strides we are actually making.

Will It Be Forever?

With this new knowledge, I sometimes question will it be forever? Do we have what it takes to make it? I am unable to say with certainty especially because I do not know God’s plan for my life. However, with where I am today I hope for a forever fairytale with my hubby. And we can only get there by doing the work, one day at a time. I am happy and grateful for my first year of marriage which has better equipped me to journey towards year two. So much has changed for my husband and I since day one but the two things that have remained the same are our love for each other and dedication to our relationship. We have faced some unique challenges that most newlyweds typically don’t experience. However, we survived 1,120 days together including year one as husband and wife, despite the trials we have faced. I’ll one day be ready to share in detail more about our struggles but for now that’s not what’s important… how we have conquered our troubles is. I pray that we strengthen our union as we work towards forever.

I hope someone enjoyed reading this post and was inspired by at least one thing shared here. Remember to drop a line in the comments section whether it be a tip, question, or emoji. I plan to share more about my life as Mrs. Paka in the near future so stay tuned. Until next time…

Xoxo,

Millennial Mom

Our Home… Her School: homeschooling for us

A SAHM’s share about why and how she homeschools/worldschools her eldest child in the state of NY, how she creates a personalized schooling curriculum and routine, and gauges progress.

The picture above is of my “mini me” giving an end of semester presentation to friends and family, detailing what she has learned so far this year. As a homeschooled student, the opportunities to share and receive feedback with others are limited. So, I help create such opportunities for my little.

A Roman philosopher once said “home is where the heart is”… and if you’re my “mini me” it’s also the place that you call school. The special thing about home for us is that it’s not just just where we currently reside in New York City. Home for our family has been some wonderful places around the world that we have grown to love; places that we learned so much from. Where we are geographically sometimes determines how and what we study, in what places. Our schooling life has been a big topic of interest for people who have met us so, I decided to share why we started this lifestyle and describe what it looks like for us. We happen to be fascinated by the practice of homeschooling and hope to see bigger communities of homeschoolers forming in the near future. At present, we seem to be a small bunch.

Why We Started Schooling at Home

If you have been following our journey, you are well aware of our craving for freedom, simplicity, and a minimalistic lifestyle. We seek this in all avenues of our lives including work and school. For some time, Bree and I toyed around with the idea of homeschooling/worldschooling where we would take on adventure wherever we were and learn through whatever we were exposed to. It has always been my dream to be a stay-at-home mom who schooled my child(ren) and I was thrilled when my daughter one day asked if I could be her teacher. We talked and planned until we were able to make this transition happen in 2016 and now we are living it. What we have found is that we have been freed from long and monotonous school routines and exposed to more rich learning experiences. We have had the opportunity to be in different places, meeting new people, and trying new things which for us is a ton of fun. In addition, we happen to live in a state where homeschooling is legal (unfortunately, some states don’t allow it… womp) so we said yes to testing out this option. We are quickly moving into year three of homeschooling and loving it.

My little lady! So motivated by her persistent eagerness to learn.

There once was a time when I was asking the universe for the dream that I am living now, to come true!

Curriculums? What to Study?

Since we began homeschooling, I have designed my daughter’s schooling curriculum mainly based on topics that she is interested in studying. People often ask how I know what to teach her, how I know if what she’s learning is enough, and how I test her. The answer is threefold. New York State provides basic guidelines for what subjects and concepts should be taught to students based on grade level. This helps me know what subject areas to cover, and what topics are mandatory. However, how and what I use to teach these subjects are up to me and in our family, up to “mini me”. Once I cover required subjects I often expand on what my little learns or expose her to information not taught in traditional school settings. In the past, I secured a curriculum from my daughter’s old charter school and tailored her homeschooling curriculum to what she would be learning if she were in school. However, I focused greatly on her method of learning. I wanted her to choose how she was learning. I leave the “how to” up to Bree as this is where the fun and diversity of learning comes in. I believe learning is most meaningful when it is enjoyed so this is my reason for giving my child such freedom to choose. A’Bree has shown a level of maturity far beyond her years so I trust her to take the lead in this area and guide her when necessary.

In regards to how much she is learning, this is irrelevant in our schooling practice. As people, we are learning at every moment of the day whether we realize it or not. We do not need to be stationary with paper and a pen in hand to learn. Just based on this, I trust that my little is learning enough and our study routine dedicated to learning activities makes me even more confident. We focus more on the quality of what Bree is learning opposed to how much she is learning. We learn for enjoyment, memories, and knowledge… NOT testing! At present, A’Bree does not complete state testing. Her tests are ones that I create but not ones that we learn how to take all year. Instead we learn at A’Bree’s pace and based on her interests and it seems that she absorbs so much more which makes it easy for her to regurgitate what she is learning; whether it be through a presentation, answering questions, or writing. We previously home schooled for one year and then allowed A’Bree to return to school for social reasons. After she was assessed to determine where she was, she was found to be well above her grade level.

A’Bree Says Let’s Study _________!

During the spring months, Bree and I begin planning for the start of homeschooling and what topics/concepts we will study. She has the freedom to choose anything she wants to learn about and my role is to source the teaching materials and guide her. This year she wanted to study primitive technology (she’s a fanatic about this), marine biology, life after death, social issues, dieting and food lifestyles, body movement and flexibility, public speaking, blueprint designs, photography, and Spanish and Russian language. The one subject where she did not have a choice was penmanship. I have made this subject a big part of her schooling routine as handwriting in print and script are very important to me. I’m sure this is not the focus of many millennial moms these days due to technology, and schools don’t practice it either. However, I’m not wavering on this one lol. I created my little’s curriculum by organizing these topics under the umbrella of the mandatory subjects provided by the state. We have been studying different concepts and topics through use of books, documentaries, online materials, and day-to-day activities.

In the past when we were wanders, we had the opportunity to: study flamingos in the deserts of Peru through observation, tour underground caves, interact with South American natives responsible for creating floating islands, hike and tour Machu Picchu, line fish in Bocas del Toro, study the meaning of graffiti style art in Colombia, tour the Mayan ruins in Tulum, learn about economy on a tiny Nicaraguan island, and the list goes on. This year our learning adventure began in New York City and was very much based on things relative to life in the states. In a few days we will be venturing down to the Carolinas to see what history and learning opportunities intrigue us there. Then we will be headed to the Florida Keys to focus on animal and marine life. We will also be making some pretty unique places home/school during our trip including a converted school bus on a farm, a yacht, and tiny house.

A converted school bus accommodation in Homestead, Florida that we will call home for a few days. You can check it out on Airbnb by searching the Luv Bus at Z Button Farm. Or click the photo for the link.

A quaint tiny house on wheels in Miami, Florida that we will call home for a few days. We found this accommodation on Airbnb. Click the image for the link to the listing.

Another unique accommodation in the Florida Keys, found through Airbnb. Click image for the link to this listing.

Responsibilities as a Homeschooling Mom

One question that I was recently asked regarding homeschooling is how come I do not get in trouble for keeping my child home from school. I found this question to be comical and interesting but answered honestly. And the answer is, homeschooling is NOT simply keeping your child home from a traditional school setting and doing nothing all day. Homeschoolers are in fact busy learning but in a different way. In addition to learning and teaching, as the parent I am responsible for submitting quarterly reports to my local homeschooling office detailing what was covered during the quarter, how my daughter progressed, and the number of hours she dedicated to learning. This covers me by showing the state that I am affording my daughter an educational opportunity. Quarterly reports also serve as a kind of report card which lets my little know what she excels at and what she can improve on.

Altogether, we are absolutely loving this homeschooling journey. It’s an opportunity to bond and learn together. And as my “mini me” says “what can be better than waking up to your family every day and doing what you love all day? I’m excited for our future homeschooling days and hope to connect with fellow homeschoolers in our home base area or as we roam. We hope to soon attend a worldschooling summit where we’ll connect with other families. If you’re a homeschooling family, drop a comment about where you are and some of your favorite practices. If you are looking to make the shift towards homeschooling, comment what some of your challenges are and let me know if I can assist. I’ll be sure to share more about schooling at home in the future so stayed tuned. Until next time…

Xoxo,

Millennial Mom

Not down with Airbnb yet and looking for more than a hotel stay while traveling away from home? Sign up using my link and earn $40 to use towards your first booking:

https://abnb.me/e/lEOUWKDEbV