I lay here on May 21, 2022 at 5:04am on my last day of vacation in Punta Cana, DR (the destination where I married my soulmate) editing this write which I initially drafted on January 29th, 2019- exactly one year and 25 days into my marriage with my dearest love Ilya. Little did I know that 5 days short of 11 months later, December 24, 2019, I’d be receiving the news that the love of my life was dead. And so the last two plus years have been a journey of pain, yearning for understanding, healing, and rollercoaster rides. And last night into today, like many other nights that eventually turn to dusk, I struggle to sleep. Thinking about what was, what could have been, and what will be. A rather chaotic state of mind to dwell in but a real one that I work to soothe and conquer daily. I saw this unpublished draft last night as I scrolled through my written work to find something worthy of being blasted next and knew it would be the one I shared with my readers next. I believe that from just editing this work, I was able to answer the question that my title initially posed. I’ll get into that at the conclusion of this write but first I’ll share with you what I drafted on that day almost 4 years ago…
“I write today simply to encourage other couples that it is indeed possible to survive the most trying of circumstances in a relationship/marriage, if you are willing to do the work. And I write to attest to the fact that no relationship is perfect although most of the things that we absorb around us, work to convince us otherwise. Although I cannot say with certainty what the future holds for my love and I, I sure hope for our forever together and commit to working towards just that, one day at a time. After one year of marriage, here’s a list of principles/ “laws to love by” that we learned and plan to continue to use and master on our journey.
Family holiday shoot, 12.2018
Law #1 Be Our Own Inspiration
1. Remembering our vows and goals always
2. Avoiding comparing our union to “Jack and Jill”
3. Avoiding the pressures of social media/society about what our love should look like
If you know my family or have followed our blogging journey thus far, you are aware of all the things that make us unorthodox/millennials. From the way our littles are raised and schooled, to our religious practices, to our union, to our plans for the future. Most days I’m super proud of the life we are building and then there are days that I question if what we are doing makes sense or is “right”. These doubts have sometimes impacted my relationship with my hubby and encourage me to regularly reflect. So I came up with the law of being our own inspiration so that we consistently aim to be mindful of why we became one to begin with, remember why we established the goals for life that we did, and remind ourselves of the promises we made to each other. We make great efforts to avoid comparing our life to that of others because our love story is ours. And at times when seeking approval and understanding from outside of our union, we can open ourselves up to receive advice and input out of alignment with what we actually need. In our home, “focused chats” are a practice that we’ve started to be sure we are addressing areas of our marriage and family life that we want to grow in.
Law #2 Master Healthy Communication (using the 3 important steps)
1. Determine the goal of the conversation
2. Determining the right time to talk
3. Listen to understand
4. Respond for the purpose of progress, repair, and to do no harm
Update: I was shocked in my marriage to see how great Ilya was at this. I always coined myself the great communicator in our duo. Ilya’s gentle and loving nature made it easy to work through our challenges and communicate better. He’d often joke that he wasn’t bothered by my “little attitude” and encouraged me to promise that we’d never go to sleep angry at one another. I can’t say we were successful every night but we did a darn good job overall.
2. Individuality- the ability to be ourselves, do what we love, regularly enjoy time apart, and routinely reconvene to work together as one.
Law #4 Love, Love, Love
And at the core of everything that we do and commit to, love, love, love.
At the start of this write, I noted the question posed in my title. Where I am at this point in my healing journey, I can say that my love story is forever. The love and soul connection that I share with my dearest love Ilya is immortal and will live on. We lived out our vows of until death do us part and even in death, Ilya has made his abundant love known to me by way of signs and messages through people near and far, strangers and close friends. I will share more about these unique happenings in future publications including a short book dedicated to these supernatural occurrences. Look out for pieces in my series My Dearest Love Ilya for more on this part of my life. Until next time…
Xoxo,
Millennial Mom
Like what you’ve read? Have a suggestion for a future blog or have a question? Let me know in the comments. Check out what I’m up to these days here.
Bree all dressed and ready for school… looking her best and shining bright, September 2017
Yet again, it has been months since I blogged last. I’ve lacked time, inspiration, and ideas of what to share here on my blog. Despite this, I I love what I started 5 years ago here on Millennial Mom and want to get back to writing and sharing my life story more consistently. I am working on new content now and have decided that in the interim, I will share my folder of drafted pieces with my followers before I release a write that is more in line with what has transpired in my life recently. This series of posts will be titled Unpublished Gems. In honor of my baby girl who truly isn’t a baby anymore, and who will be a teenager in just a few short weeks, I am publishing this article that I drafted 4 years ago. It’s dusty and quite dated however, I hope that it will resonate/inspire one of my readers. So here it goes!
Where did my baby go? 13 in just a few weeks. Parenting is the one thing in my life that has shown me that time waits for no one.
The cost of childcare these days is close to a college tuition. But when you’re a full-time working parent with limited support, sometimes you just have to accept that cost. I was fortunate for many years to have free childcare from 7:15am to 6:00pm, Monday thru Friday. Yup that’s right… FREE. Who could pass up that offer? You’d be surprised to know that I accepted that deal for a short time before I gave it up. Now before you conclude that I’m a crazy person for doing such a thing, listen to my story and reasoning for why.
My daughter’s daycare was located at P.S. 377 in Brooklyn, New York on the second floor. I would drive 40 minutes with traffic to drop her off in the morning, after a 5:30am wake-up. I’d then hustle to work fighting more traffic then race against the clock, in even more traffic at 4:30pm to make it back to my baby just before 6:00pm. Once back at home, it would be about 7pm and mama was completing household duties, homework, and work for clients. I would have a two-hour window to make dinner, lunches for the following day, tidy the house, get a shower, and spend time with “mini me”. Now I’m sure after reading up to this point you have two big questions. So let me answer one that you may have which is how did I balance such a hectic schedule? The answer is by the grace of a higher power who loves me dearly. I literally sacrificed my health and sleep to keep up with this lifestyle. But who was it benefiting? My apartment management company who I gave away the majority of my salary to; or the creditors and loan companies that I owed; or my utility companies? That’s not really the problem here as I entered those agreements and fully accepted the responsibility. The problem is why wasn’t my “mini me” and the care providers who looked after her for almost 12-hours per day, benefiting just as much? That never sat well with me and one day I told myself that something had to change. After consulting with an “expert” I agreed that I was not going to send my daughter to daycare anymore.
By now you may be on to the point that I’m making. My reference to “daycare” is not speaking of the typical daycare that you first think of when you hear the word (I will also note now that the “expert” I consulted with was my daughter). Daycare for us became my daughter’s school. Before I move on, let me be clear that my point-of-view is in no way demeaning teachers or school systems! I instead wish to highlight my believe that a huge burden placed on teachers in America; some of the most under paid professionals in our society who bare the greatest responsibility. In addition to this point, I write this post to share my reasoning for why I could no longer allow my little to be a part of the traditional school system. Now moving right along…
How could the most important person in my life be in receipt of so little of my time? Every other entity in my life was given more of my energy and resources than she was. People have argued that as a working mom, I was affording my daughter everything that she needed and that was the benefit for her in our situation. However, after traveling and world-schooling for a short time, I realized that the life that I afforded us in the states was not what we needed at all. In fact it was my want… my desire to keep up with one way of life when there are many other ways. This want lacked consideration of all the small things that truly make life special. When I finally realized this, minimalism and unorthodox living became a huge thing for me. We were going to do more with less in unique ways that were fitting for us, and refocus our lives on what really mattered most: our happiness, quality time, memories, and family. We strongly believed that homeschooling and child-led learning would afford us just that.
I ultimately decided to register my “mini me” as a homeschooled student again in 2018 and decided that I would become a stay-at-home mom again. We previously tried this lifestyle out in 2015 and loved it but ended up back at the starting line of the rat race in 2017 (I’ll detail why in another write that pertains to my dearest love Ilya, who I have since lost). We experienced all the pressures of the American Dream and disliked it. We designed a new way of living but later came back to try the accepted dream again, only to find that our sentiments were exactly the same. Instead of complaining about going back to something that clearly was not for us, I made a decision that I am now sticking to. I have established a bill of rights for my family that include my children being my top priority in a way that it shows.
As for me in my household, my children will be the recipients of the majority of my time, energy and resources; their happiness will be a valued genuinely above all else; and I as their mother and guide with a spiritual connection to them from their time in my womb will see them for who they are, assume the responsibility for connecting them to learning opportunities in line with who they are, that will ultimately carry them far in life no matter where their little feet (or a plane) shall take them. I will never preach about what another parent or family should do and I stand firm in demanding that others offer me the same. Even as a professional who has attained “higher education” , I crave more (something different) for my children.
A’Bree’s (12) first day of 7th grade and A’Brahm’s (3) first day of pre-k, homeschool edition, August 2021
As things stand, my littles are in my care daily; happy, learning through culturally rich experiences, and thriving. This lifestyle came with many sacrifices including a great employment opportunity. However, our lifestyle and their futures hold way more value. We will continue on this path until we are routed elsewhere and along the way we will continue to share our story with the world.
Our little family unit! I’m so proud of what we have built and what we have overcome. I know Papa is smiling down on us, proud 🤍
I hope someone was inspired by this piece. I dare you to take a risk and change something uncomfortable in your life. With or without a plan, just have faith. The universe has you!! Stay tuned, until next time…
The last two years have entailed me creating opportunities for me to tell my story of struggle and triumph with the goal of touching the life of just one. The opportunities that have come to me through this practice of entering rooms without fear and sharing what I have endured and overcome, have been some of the biggest blessings in my life.
When life gives you lemons….
Growing up, I interpreted this cliché saying to mean that life could possibly deal you hardship from time to time. With my knowledge today, I understand that life is the lemon! Depending on one’s mindset, you can take that to mean that you are doomed for life or understand that there is so much beauty and sweetness to come out of the most sour circumstances. I choose to believe in the the latter. If you know my story, you understand that seeing life from an optimistic viewpoint has been a huge part of who I am, all my life. If you do not know my story, I hope to share more of it with you starting today; first by telling you that life has never dealt me an easy hand. However, my hardship has never stopped me from achieving great things in my 33 years of living. I accept that my journey has not been the easiest because I understand that it was not designed to be that way. Meditation has allowed me to understand where I come from and has shown me what the universe has in the stars for me. From young, I’ve known that the universe had a big job for me and every day through my pain, I commit to accomplishing my life mission to make my guides and angels proud. Telling my story without fear has been a big part of fulfilling my life purpose, for the last two years, since becoming a widow at 30-years old. Today I pray that in continuing to do so, that I not only touch the lives of others, but that I open doors for myself and my soul tribe to live lives fully aligned with passion and purpose.
I recently had a business call with a woman who attended one of my seminars at my organization Millennial Women United. The woman contacted me to applaud me for my ability to tell my story. I was honored by this and had to remind myself of the number of times that I tell the members of my organization, the importance of telling our stories. We all have one, they say so much about who we are, and they can take us to new heights so long as we are fearless and shameless enough to share them. The chapter of my life that I am currently in, is full of themes such as grief, abandonment, limited resources, closed doors, opened doors, new friendships, new opportunities, reprograming of my mind, healing, unconventional living to survive, resilience… Shall I go on? The last two years has been a wild mix of things sour and sweet since being forced to live without my husband while raising two children, and trying to move forward with my life. In another write, I will share more in detail about how and why the loss of my beautiful husband Ilya has pushed me deeper onto a path of unconventional living and hustling harder than ever before to make the dreams that I have for my children and my soul tribe, a reality. Today, I simply wish to get the word out about a project near and dear to my heart, so that I may gather the support of believers and a tribe of like minds.
Since losing my dearest love Ilya, life has greater meaning. I no longer wish to be trapped in the matrix, living according meaningless and outdated ideals. Loss has elevated my soul to a place where I see and understand further beyond that. I instead wish to live a more spiritually fulfilled life doing what I have been called to do, where the worries of day-to-day life (bills, full-time work, child-rearing, etc.) do not hinder or distract me from my calling. For the last three years, it has been my dream to begin an intentional living commune where myself and residents can live in unity, support one another, and focus more on minimalist ways of living to foster deeper connections to self, soul, and earth. I have witnessed how capitalist societies makes such a practice nearly impossible and I commit my life to changing that. I also understand how the current economy has created challenges for people to live enjoyable lives. Homelessness, unemployment, and compromised health due to stress are a few stressors that I hope to alleviate for others. I firmly believe that the culture and lifestyle that could be established through my project the Millennial Mom Intentional Living Community will help to bring about significant changes in these areas of life, for many.
Where things stand now, I am seeking to organize, plan, and fundraise for this communal living project. Life at the Millennial Mom Intentional Living Community would help residents in numerous ways, maintain quality lives through the regular practice of holistic principals. Spirituality will be at the core of everything practiced within this community. The Millennial Mom Intentional Living Community will be a place that prioritizes social cohesion, homeschool/Worldschooling, outdoor learning and exploration, spiritual elevation, holistic health, gardening, farming, meditation, and so much more. Funds raised from supporters will be used towards a land purchase, tiny home and modular home purchases, development of community spaces, resources for the community, and more. I hope to soon identify individuals interested in living and collaborating in such a community; identify supporters and funders; brainstorm locations to begin this project; and begin the fundraising process. It is my goal to launch this community in the next 4-5 years or sooner.
If what I have shared with you, interests you, please donate to this cause, share this project with those closest to you, complete the current questionnaire noting how you wish to be involved and connect with me if you have an interest to be a bigger part of this collaboration. When life gives us lemons, we can become hopeless because of the hand that we were dealt or find ways to rise above, get creative, and create something beautiful. I am doing just that with this project and seeking a powerful team to join me!
Fun Fact: While hosting a meeting for this venture in October of 2022, at Optimist Hall in Charlotte, NC, I had the opportunity to meet one of my favorite artists up close and personal. Machine Gun Kelly is someone who my late husband and I would bump to in the car all the time and experiencing his energy in person was one of the greatest feelings and something that I took as a sign that something great is the horizon.
Sending an abundance of love and light. Until next time…
For 5-years, you brought me flowers every chance you had. After our nuptials, it became routine on Fridays before sundown. On the day that I returned the gesture, your smiling face and warm hands were unable to receive them from me. Here I stay, carrying on without you with a broken heart. Ilya, I.L.Y.A., I’ll Love You Always, forever your wife 😢
It’s been 678 days since I last blogged! Life has been relentless… with trial after trial happening to, I mean for me. Maybe you know by now or maybe this write will carry some new news. Whatever the case, the last 477 days have been the most torturous and painful days of my existence.
12/24/2019 was the worst day of my life. On that morning, I answered a call that no wife should ever have to receive. “Ilya is dead! And so my journey of mourning commenced. My dearest love Ilya was found deceased on a street in NYC and no one had any answers. In efforts to not relive that moment again, I will refrain from describing it now. As I try to healthily work through the mountain of emotions that plague my mind daily, I’ll keep the details about my love’s death out of this piece and future writes until I’m better. What I will say is that my heart is shattered, the world has been so unkind, and I was pushed to find a new way to survive alone; without the one person who I believed to be my person… my soulmate, the man I would live out the rest of my days with. I guess the heavens said otherwise and here I stay trying to cope.
Unless you walk this walk of grieving the loss of a spouse, you could never fully understand it. It gets ugly, competitive, territorial, unempathetic; creates a feeling of doom for the people who live it and discomfort for those who watch. It becomes increasingly painful and downright lonely. As a griever, I felt that I was out of sight and out of mind for months. As Ilya’s wife, I felt that my grief was often measured and viewed to be not as bad as the parents or relatives. “But he was my son”, “but we knew him longer”, “but this is not your culture” “but your daughter is not his daughter”… just a few of the dismissive and insensitive comments that met me days into my grief journey. Forced to learn a culture I did not grow up in, without my dearest love to guide me; judged because of the color of my skin and my customs; excluded for reasons that were purely evil; embarrassed; humiliated; blamed; lied on… shall I go on? I could continue but the energy escapes me each time I recount the last year and half of my life. As the one living this new existence, it initially seemed that it was my burden to carry and no one else could fathom what I felt. Most people went back to their daily routines and old habits minutes after my love’s young but tired body was placed in the ground. My children and I were left stuck in a painful place in time where it felt like life was not worth living.
October of 2019… family photos at a beautiful home in the country when life seemed grand and our hearts were full. We had no clue what was about to shake our home in the holiday season of 2019 💔
I one day decided to find an improved and healthier way to grieve after my “mini me” said to me “mom please do something to feel better, I hate seeing you like this.” Her voice triggered something within me and maternal instinct helped me realize that my pain was harming my children. I knew that I had to save myself and my children because no one was coming to be our savior. The one person that consistently gave us unwavering love and protection was now gone. Today I find myself in a new and unfamiliar place. I am vulnerable and learning this version of Tea now. Each day I dedicate small amounts of time to journal this journey as my story will one day be told in full detail. For now, it carries so much pain that I am only capable of blurbs and rambles. There is so much to share about losing my dearest love from receiving the news, to a messy police investigation, to the burial and religious process, to the COVID-19 impact on the investigation and grieving process, to family scandal, to the mass exodus of friends, to signs from Ilya; and the path to healing my soul with my children’s gentleness and love, and Ilya’s love and spiritual guidance from beyond the veil. I have compiled my thoughts, painful experiences, and letters into what will be a book published in 2022, titled Grief Games: A Widow’s Story of Pain & Abandonment (part 1 of a 5 part series). I have also shared my story via different platforms including Instagram (@amillennial_mom) connecting with people who can relate and those who sit in shock. My children, writing, meditation, faith, and social connection with new souls has been my saving grace during this time.
Shabbat Flowers 🌺
I never saw this day coming… the death of my love or the aftermath. After 477 days without my dearest love Ilya, his life, our life, this life makes so much more sense. Although I continue to grieve, I can say that I have pulled myself out of the darkest time in my life and continue to work daily to find the light. This will indeed be a process for the rest of my life and I will share my story to help at least one person through the process of surviving the death of a loved one. It is very clear to me now that many people fail to survive the grief journey for it is torturous, unpredictable, lonely, dark, and unending. In my case, I’m convinced that I have found strength to carry on with my love watching over and Hashem guiding the way. For I now see light (hope) at the end of this dark place and commit to waking up every day to finish this race. My pain and struggle are not in vain and my experience is for me and for someone else to learn and grow from. Even with a shattered heart, I am dedicated to doing what I have been called to do: bring healing to masses.
A beautiful gift that holds some beautiful memories… it is a designated place for our littles to write their feelings when they are ready. It will soon hold A’Bree’s first publication… Dear Papa 💜I’ll Love You Always 💔💔💔
I’m not sure what is to come next… in life, for this blog… anything. But I am working each day to just get through each moment. As I can and when I can, I will share more of our story. Until then, I commit to healing my soul so that I can heal my children, so that together we can spread an abundance of love and healing to the world; just like Papa would have wanted us to do. There are one too many hurt people hurting people these days and our life story and grief journey is symbolic of that. Stay tuned for the continuation of this series. Until next time….
Why is it that we learn the most about a person’s impact on the world after they die? I started to think more and more about this following the death of rapper Nipsey Hussel. To be honest, I had no clue about who he was prior to his death. I only knew who he was after my cousin told me the news and referred to him as “Lauren London’s boyfriend”. Then for weeks as the world prepared to say their last goodbyes to Hussel, I witnessed how many people were truly touched by/mourning his death; celebrities and common-folk alike. I also learned about all of the amazing things that he did for his community and I was inspired. Now this piece is not at all about the latest news in Hip-hop culture. It is however, about the need for us as a people to tell our friends, our loved ones, or even a stranger how they touch our lives… while they exist with us here on earth. This was my experience twice in the past week (this happened in April) where I was on the receiving end of feedback. First happening during a “catch-up” date with a dear friend. My friend opened up to me about the way she viewed me and how I inspired her, and I cried. Hearing what she felt about me was different, a little uncomfortable, and heartwarming all at the same time.
And here’s my gal Nicole… or Kneecole as I often call her. A close friend of many years whom I’ve shared the realest chats with. She can be a little on the shy side so I hope she doesn’t mind me sharing her with you. But she’s been a great support to me for many years, during my toughest times, and I’d scream it from a roof top lol 💙 This is us mingling with the locals on a girls trip in Belize, Fall 2018.
Following the date with my friend, I asked myself why I felt any discomfort during our chat. After all we have been close friends since childhood. I came to realize that I felt weird about receiving positive feedback because I don’t get such genuine recognition enough. I also cried because my friend’s words spoke to my soul and in summary told me to keep pushing because I was doing something right. For some time I have asked mother universe, what is my purpose? who do people understand me to be? and what mark will I leave on the world when my body leaves this earth? Very deep questions, I know but I cannot carry-on in this life without confirmation. And my interaction with my friend was just that. Recently, mother universe again sent me what I asked for…. soul food and feedback; coming by way of a complete stranger in my inbox. The writer wrote:
Tanisha,
I just read your latest post and you are amazing. I first read one of your posts around 2 years ago. I was at one of the lowest points in my life. At that point I had been teaching for about 18 years. I loved the children I taught for years, and for years that kept me there. Then my job started affecting my life and my parenting. One morning when I was really feeling helpless I read your blog about giving everything up and traveling with your daughter. It gave me hope.
Through all my years (in our hometown), I knew your dad. It took me awhile to make the connection. When I saw his picture with your daughter the other day I figured out you were his daughter. Through my 18 years I would see your dad and he always spoke of you. He was always so proud of you and your accomplishments. The year I read your blog I started therapy and gained enough confidence to look for another job after 18 years. I ended up getting a position I love, 6 minutes from my house. I am happy and love my profession again. One day, my son was running a (track & field) meet. I saw your dad and we caught up for awhile. I told him I was looking for a job and he was talking about you and when you used to run. He cheered so loudly for my son that day and my son ran his best race ever. He never reached that time again. I have thought of that day and of you so often through the years. You do not know me, but just know that your words, confidence, and risk taking has made me make huge changes in my life. Thank you for that. I admire your courage!! I also wanted you to know how proud of you, your dad has always been.”
Receiving this message made my week and changed my life. It told me to keep going and so I shall. I end this post with a special message to my friends, family, and followers: tell the people around you what they mean to you! If you have a meaningful experience with a stranger, let them know. We are here for reasons greater than what we think and our interactions with one another help to bring clarity regarding our strengths and the paths that we should travel in life. Our gifts are made to touch others in a special way. What we do or should be doing should be for reasons other than recognition or financial l gain. Here on Millennial Mom, I share my gift of writing and coaching with you. I encourage you to journey through life with purpose! And be true to yourself and that purpose. And last, I advise you not to show up to my funeral crying and carrying on about what I meant to you, if you never told me while I’m here… I’ll call you out lol. I hope someone enjoyed this write. Let me know your thoughts by dropping a comment. Stay tuned and until next time…
Rare that you see a woman of color and her miniature belly dancing on a beach right? But yes this is us! So much about us makes us such a rare bunch 💙
“Your family is like a gypsy family… no school, moving here moving there. Get a house! Grow your roots in one place” she said to me. The former statement was such a compliment to me and I immediately lit up when I heard it. The latter was the worst advice anyone could have given me, but it was understandable considering the source. Only the people who truly know me would understand why. If you have been a follower of Millennial Mom and have been keeping up with the changes I have made in my life, you know why too.
The words the woman said to me went in one ear and out the other. I felt sad for her! That although leaving her home country full of culture years ago to migrate here to the states (to find whatever she was seeking), she ultimately stopped seeking and became complacent with following the norm. Chasing money, working long hours at one job, finding little time to vacation, and accumulating large debt to live a dream that many of us are not privileged to comfortably live. For most people, this routine is the only way to live. And many people do it with or without complaint; I respect and commend the people who have chosen to live this dream. Then there are those of us who struggle and need a more sensible way to live. For me, this routine derails me from my ultimate goals and dreams. Goals and dreams that I’m repeatedly questioned about and sometimes criticized for having. So I write this post to share why I’m committed to living Tea’s Dream opposed to the one that we often refer to as the American Dream (abbreviated here as AD). And sharing how I often respond to the tough critics who simply do not get it.
Thus far in my life, I’d say I’ve come very far and accomplished a great deal. At one point, I was on the path of living this AD and was very much in agreement with it. Then one day I began to question why we strive for this one dream even when it makes life that much harder for some of us. When pondering this, I was specifically focusing on our practice of assuming large debt for higher education, the purchase of homes that will take long years to pay off, and for the purpose of buying/leasing vehicles. My thoughts initially began following a trip abroad. I remember traveling to the Philippines and being invited by our Tuk-Tuk (a motorized bike taxi) driver to his house. I was shocked to see what the driver and his family called home and I immediately felt bad for them. I didn’t want to accept a drink or the snacks that they offered us, fearing that they may not have had enough for themselves. The driver noticed my reluctance to take what he and his family were offering and then politely taught me something. He reminded me that “mini me” and I were his guests, told me that he was delighted to offer us refreshments, and said that the Philippines is not like America where his sister is a nurse. He stated that “we have much less and we are happy too”. I have since replayed this exchange in my head for the last three years because the meaning and the lesson in this conversation is so deep. Based on what I walked away with, I am constantly evaluating my life and the things that I choose to value.
Prior to shifting my focus toward a new way of living, the AD was something that I valued greatly and it was something that I was determined to achieve. My dedication started in the area of education. My education has always been important to me as I understood early on, how it would impact my ability to sustain the lifestyle that I wanted. Because of this, I was sure to take it serious from the very beginning. I finished high school in great standing and immediately went on to college despite hardship (read about it here). I knew exactly what I wanted to study and planned for it. One thing that I didn’t think through completely was the expense to obtain higher education, especially at the graduate level; and how this would impact me after completion of my degree. This topic isn’t one thoroughly addressed in school either so if you’re not learning this at home or on your own, you learn the hard way later on. But that’s a topic for a different post. Anyhow, I was fortunate to be a recipient of over $60,000 in scholarship funding which made my education affordable. However, practicum hours (3,000 plus) and maintaining the cost to live in NYC while completing my degree and work experience requirements, as a single mother, required me to secure loans to stay afloat. Luckily, the full cost of my education was covered.
Graduating with my M.A. in Forensic Mental Health Counseling from CUNY John Jay College of Criminal Justice, May, 2014.
After completing school and advancing my career, I started working to pay off loans while managing the expense of rent, my vehicle, childcare, and other bills. After a while I began to ask myself “is this life? Is this what I’m expected to do for the rest of mine? And for people like myself who are far from financial wealth, how do you comfortably make this work?” So I began plucking the brains of the people in my life who I believed to have responsibly done it; people I looked up to as good examples. Sadly, the advice I was given took me in a circle and I was right back where I started with the same questions. “New home buyer programs, leasing vs. financing, and repayment plan options” for loans were things I was told to consider. I was already aware of these things and was expecting much better advice. I ultimately decided that instead of looking outward for answers as I often tend to do, I was going to flip things and reverse it (yes I sang Missy Elliot “work it” as I wrote that). I was going to look inward, see what I needed, realize what I could live without, better understand what would make me happy at the end of this life, and change my life’s trajectory. I was going to begin moving according to a new plan that took all of these things into consideration. And so I did! You can read more about the specifics of my journey if you haven’t already, throughout my blog posts including:
Major changes that I made related to the things at the core of the AD…. my job, my home, and the education that I afforded my daughter. I drafted a plan where we would end our expensive life in one place and instead take on a more affordable life in multiple places (countries). We would spend less time apart for the purposes of learning and working to do so while together, moving at our own pace, according to what was right for us as a family and as individuals. And I recently factored in saving to buy an unconventional home (a tiny house) outright to eliminate the debt and commitment that comes with the purchase of a traditional home, and the senselessness that exists by renting a home that will never be ours. With the amount of research, pros and cons lists, and exploration that I put in prior to setting these goals, I often feel confident with my decisions and plans. In addition, I have always believed that my resilience, hard work, and dedication to my life success have proven my ability to make the most challenging situations into something polished. Although these are my sentiments, it’s not something that everyone can see. And because of this, I often feel pressured to explain and respond to tough criticism regarding my life plans, although I understand that I don’t have to.
“No traditional school for your child? No 9-5 job? No plan to purchase a traditional home? Extended travel for months at a time?” These are some of the questions I’m often asked with pre-judgment, from those inquiring. I was once told that my plans and lifestyle are “careless” and “irresponsible”. The only reasoning I was provided was because there is “no stability and foundation” for my family based on my plans. And for the longest time I thought about these two concepts: stability and foundation and how subjective they are. From person to person, these things have different meanings. From person to person, our needs, wants, and circumstances all differ. So we should therefore strive to attain whatever it is that satisfies these things for us individually. As much as I believed in the past, that this is what most people do, I learned otherwise during the course of answering questions and responding to criticism about my practices. I started to feel as if I was viewed in a negative light for wanting to live an alternative lifestyle with benefits for my entire family. And this was quite bothersome because people have provided me little support for why they believe what I am striving for to be so careless. Thankfully such feedback hasn’t changed my mind about what I hope to accomplish and I am grateful for these conversations.
I have engaged in numerous talks (many happening thanks to my shares here on Millennial Mom) where I have clarified many misconceptions regarding some of my family practices such as homeschooling, extended travel, and journeying to live tiny. I have given many people something to think about and have received great responses … even from complete strangers. In addition to the many other things that I value, such dialogue is important to me. As I constantly evaluate my practices vs. my purpose (blog post coming soon) I hope to encourage others, and stimulate more independent thinking and living.
In my 30- years (I just celebrated another year on 5/22), here’s what I have discovered. As a people we’ve gotten too accustomed to following an outline, the majority, or the norm; being told what to think and how; feeling pressured to live a particular lifestyle out of fear, straying away from doing our own searching, and failing to truly follow what our hearts want. In my counseling work and personal life, I see this pattern too often. I repeatedly learn about the dreams that people wish they followed, why they didn’t, and the mistakes they made. Pressure from parents, desire to please the spouse, need to comfort the kids… all common responses I’ve heard about reasons dreams and plans got away from people on particular paths. I’m eager to not make this my life as I value maintaining genuine happiness and persistently attaining new knowledge much more than following what society believes is right for me. I am dedicated to navigating life’s journey according to my purpose. So I have regular check-ins with my heart and present my findings to my brain. Recently after doing so, I had to ask myself a series of questions to see just where I stand in relation to tho AD.
This clean illustration by lawyer and cartoonist Victor Chew captures how I view the AD oh too well!!! @victorexpat IG
Is it responsible to purchase a home or car that I’ll have to work and pay for, for a significant part of my life? Maybe
Is this something I could do? Yes, miserably and uncomfortably
Is this something I want to do? Absolutely not.
Is it considered “living” to me if I settle in one place, commit to working for 40 plus years at job to secure retirement and pay for material things? Not At All!!!
Here’s why:
In my life I hope to continue making as many countries in the world, our home! I’d rather pay for my children to live like royalty at a price that leaves me feeling content rather than fearful. I wish to eliminate the stress from my husband, of having to work long hard hours just to cover our basic expenses. I will live and love in a space that provides just what my family needs at a cost that allows me to make greater investments… like the purchase of farmland that my daughter asked me about, one year ago where we will one day park a tiny home and grow what our stomachs and hearts desire. I yearn for the freedom to go where my heart leads me and where the universe calls me without any burdens to hold me back. All of this is for the purpose of our genuine happiness that I first wrote about at the start of Millennial Mom. And that comes with making more memories minus all the materials, seeing new places, people, and cultures, and continuing to find peace in our minds and body, in nature. Today I’m just praying for my family’s continued faith that there is more than one way, and their understanding that the universe always has our backs. I’m far from crazy, or lazy, or careless. I’m simply trying to help my family grow without sacrificing the things that mean the most.
So the the masses that say, “grow your roots”, my roots are grounded! My trunk is grown, my branches are in place… just wait for the twigs and leaves/flowers to come. They will be a beauty and with the seasons they will change 🙏🏾. (As if I don’t have a enough to do, I am in the process of painting an oil on canvas piece as self-therapy, that I’ll call Tea’s Tree. I will share in a future post when I’m finished so look out for that.) And the people who see me as a “gypsy”, I’m flattered, thank you!
It felt good sharing this with my readers. I hope you take away the message that not everyone is going to get you. But don’t let that hinder you from doing you. We all know what’s best for us and although our choices may not always reflect that, they are things that we must live with and learn from 💙. If this post gave you a thought, or inspiration, drop a comment or emoji below (I love them). Have questions, advice, or feedback? Let a mama know. Until next time…
Xoxo,
Millennial Mom
“Instead of buying your children all the things you never had, you should teach them all the things you were never taught. Material wears out but knowledge stays” – Bruce Lee
Have you learned about the latest project that “mini me” and I planned as part of expanding Millennial Mom from a blog to much more? Maybe you received our email newsletter yesterday and are coming here to learn more details; or you got an update that I published something new here on Millennial Mom and came to see what’s up. So, let’s get straight to business.
I have been blogging here on Millennial Mom for over two years now and have always known that I wanted MM to be much more than a blog. I wanted to somehow create opportunities for interaction with other moms and their children; new opportunities for families to experience some of the amazing things that my family has. So I have been thinking for sometime about where to start. I initially created a support group via Facebook in 2017 called Millennial Moms Unitedbut found it to be like pulling teeth getting moms to interact. I’ll one day continue building that support group but for now, I hope to build a network with like-minded mothers through my blog itself. Recently, I started debating whether or not to return to the working world after experiencing some financial setbacks. If I do, it will be one additional thing to juggle along with homeschooling Bree, maintaining my remote position, building my private practice, and simply finding time for my little family. I mentioned my thoughts to “mini me” and she commented “sometimes you have to think a little more mom”. She has always been against me working away from home and expressed her thoughts so eloquently in our recent conversation. She told me that she is “not interested in going back to old times” and “would rather us plan how to be more successful doing something we love and are good at”. I could not agree with her more! So we started brainstorming last Monday. We decided not to start something that would consume more time than what we currently have, and instead agreed to continue something that we are already doing. The change we made simply added marketing what we already do, to other moms and children for them to enjoy. We spent several days exchanging ideas, creating plans, and drafting documents. What we have come up with is truly special to me because of this project’s purpose and benefit. Having the chance to collaborate with my daughter is even more special to me. The brief planning process really showed me Bree’s skills and knowledge base. She reminded me that I too can learn from her.
So, our newest baby is called “Join B.L.T.“. With this project, I am offering students grades K-5 the opportunity to join Bree Learning with me, Tea as we Homeschool and Worldschool. SB: You may or may not know that my first name is Tanisha. So where does “Tea” come from you ask? Well, “Tea” is not only a reference to my nickname that is typically spelled T. But it also describes my desired approach to learning which encompasses relaxation, peace, pleasure, contentment, change, spiritual connection, and enlightenment. All of these things are what Tea actually signifies and they are in accord with our daily learning routine. We regularly start off our day with homemade ginger chai tea or black tea, followed by a meditation session for this reason. (We were recently gifted black tea infused with rose that I am unsure whether to brew or use as potpourri, but cant wait to try it). Now we hope to share our practices and love for natural and meaningful learning with someone new. “Join B.L.T.” will be offered in the U.S. in our home base areas (NYC and upstate NY) and wherever we travel starting this spring. We will launch this project internationally (offering families the opportunity to travel with us) starting in the Fall of 2019!
Here’s how Joining B.L.T. works:
First, a parent/student selects one of the following subjects to study during a learning session with me and Bree:
Math
Science
Writing
Reading
Social Studies
Music
Art
Physical education
Then, they select a date and time to join us. We will offer virtual learning sessions (via Skype, Facetime, and Whats App) to anyone interested in this opportunity, but who is outside of our area. Learning sessions are one hour each. Participants can learn with us for an hour or two, or three! We commit to learning Monday to Sunday, 365 days a year, at all hours that we are awake! We will offer this opportunity Monday to Sunday between the hours of 8am and 4pm.
The fee for one in-person basic learning session (no travel/field trip/guest teacher) is $40 which includes a healthy meal/snack (parents will be required to provide information regarding their child’s(ren’s) dietary restrictions and allergies). Virtual sessions are $30. We learn greatly through travel and field trips and will extend this opportunity to guest learners as well. Pricing for learning sessions on such days will vary.
*** As a special offer, the first 10 guest learners to join us will be able to learn with us for 2 hours, intwo different subject areas, for $40.
And those are the details of our latest project!
I share this post with you partially for Bree and I to begin finding new guest learners to join us. We are super excited for our first registrant and have prepared such a fun curriculum that we will use. More importantly, I’m sharing our efforts to show how life often times requires us to get creative and follow our own paths; not what was outlined for us by societal standards and expectations. Does this mean that I will not return to the work world as Bree has begged and pleaded for me not to do? At present I cannot say but I am open to doing so to get back on track financially and until my dream for Millennial Mom flourishes to where I want it to be. If you read my previous post, you’ll understand my latest commitment to changing things in my life that are uncomfortable. My focus is on self-improvement, improving relationships, and improving my business. “Join B.L.T.” is just one way that I am making a change in my life. Sound like something you’re interested in for your child(ren)? You can signup here. Have questions? Read some FAQ below.
FAQ
Q: What is the purpose of this project?
A: To expose traditionally schooled children to alternative methods of learning; to provide my home-schooled child and others more social interaction; to aid parents who may need a break, want to fill in their child’s schedule with a new activity, or have a child who is struggling or lacking stimulation in a particular subject.
Q: What types of activities will guest learners be engaged in?
A: yoga, meditation, dance, cooking, horticulture, real life math, social muralism and painting, henna design, hiking, photography, fishing, cultural projects, and much much more.
Q: Who decides what guest learners study?
A: The guest learner in collaboration with myself and their parents as guides
Q: Where will in-person activities be hosted?
A: Location of activities will vary and we will provide a schedule of where we will be based monthly. If we are in your area, we can come to your home or meet at a meetup location which includes parks, markets, libraries, museums, etc.
Q: Do parents need to stay with their child for the duration of a learning session?
A: Yes, until both the parent and guest learner are comfortable in the relationship
Q: Are you a certified teacher?
A: No, I am a homeschooling parent and therapist by profession. I follow all guidelines outlined by New York State to homeschool my child and offer this opportunity as supplemental education not intended to replace other accepted methods of education.
Have further questions? Feel free to comment below or email me at tanishagray20@gmail.com
“Is there a reason why you don’t like yourpart on the right side? “Yea because of this ugly scar… you may not notice it but it bothers me”
After an amazing weekend with friends and family, and a soul refreshing day with two great friends on Friday, the idea of family and the significance of an individual’s personal story has again been heavy on my mind. This blog post related to my story and family has been a draft for several weeks now. I was simply waiting for the right time to publish it. Following the week that I’ve had, now feels just right. Before I jump in and tell you how family and my story connect, I must mention like I’ve done in past posts, just how amazing the universe is! You put things out there and what you put out comes back to you full circle. I’m always so amazed by this law of attraction and don’t know that I’ll ever not be surprised by it. I’ve recently been asking God for my family’s collaborative effort in rebuilding bonds and this was my exact experience this month. I reconnected with several family members whom I’ve shied away from in very interesting ways (a post for another day) and so far it’s been great. I do not believe in coincidences and know for a fact that this was the universe giving me what I need and asked for. Now moving right along to what I really came to share.
My “mini me” fishing for the first time with my dad 💙
Me and my “little” cousin, who sparked a deep conversation with me one night at a party, about the importance of family and letting go of the past. I love you Rach 💙
Recently I thought about my personal story and the story that I have shared thus far on Millennial Mom. From what I’ve told here, I have given the world a small picture about who I am as a young mother, new wife, blogger, business-minded woman, homeschooling parent, traveler, and millennial all about an unorthodox lifestyle. However, it was after talking to my barber during my bi-weekly hair cut (stayed tuned for my upcoming series Millennial Mom Glam: I am not my hair) last month, that I realized that I barely touched on the story of my life/significant experiences before I became a mom, in any of my work here on MM. I am not sure why this is but in my journey to inspire, this part of my life cannot be omitted! My life story is one that many of my readers would be surprised to learn because of the product that they see me as today. I’m far from the finished product that I hope to become and commit to growing every day. On this journey that I’m currently on, I dedicate myself to sharing more of my story before Millennial Mom; one with important lessons that any reader (male, female, young or old) can learn from. So let me take you back a little bit to one of thee most challenging times in my life. A time when I was physically and emotionally weak, infantile, and in pain with so much more on my mind… my senior year in high school.
Me on the day that I interviewed with Project Dream Foundation 🙏🏾
Yes I was once a cheerleader but track and field was what I excelled at!
My senior year in high school was hands down a struggle for me. It had nothing to do with my grades or performance because I was always sure I worked hard to receive nothing less than a B; I graduated school with a 3.8 GPA. It was not because I was lost and uncertain about my next move; colleges were lined up and I was 100% certain about my career path. In fact, I am now working in my field of study and love it. My struggle wasn’t due to friendships as those were on point and I had a small circle of girls who I frequented the mall with, had dinner dates with, and attended school functions with. Those same girls are my closest friends today. I was a scholar athlete and school musician and for the most part I loved my school life. Out of the two places where typical 17-year olds spend the most time (home and school), I felt right at home in school. However, home for me didn’t feel like home at all. While the friends I knew were enjoying the fact that the day that we all had been waiting for was drawing near, I had other things on my mind. My family life was “different” for reasons that I won’t disclose now. (As I continue on the road to rebuilding some broken relationships, I will keep the nature of some family issues private). As a result of this, I spent my senior year living with relatives and working very hard to be sure that I would be able to survive after school ended. I wasn’t in regular contact with either of my parents during this time; particularly my mother. Because of this, one of my worries was how I was going to pay for college. This gave me great anxiety. And there were smaller problems on my list of issues which were bigger than the issue of where college funds would come from. One of those “smaller” issues being that I had not seen my doctor for a year. Another of them being that I suffered from chronic migraines and I took Excedrin as if it were candy. However, I spent the year just dealing with those problems because to me they were minor and I wanted to focus on the bigger one.
In April of senior year, the best news came to me. I would be able to pay for college as I was the recipient of several scholarships totaling over $65,000 (to be blogged about another time). One of those scholarships came from an organization called Project Dream Foundation. I was published in the local newspaper after being selected for this award. Another award came from Burger King which posted a picture of me in our local chain, and another from my father’s worker’s union. The day I learned this news, my mom reached out to me while I was at school. We planned to visit with each other that week. When we got together we talked for hours and I brought up my persisting migraines. My mom immediately made me a doctor’s appointment. Following the appointment I was scheduled for an MRI. After the MRI, results that were slated to come back in a week came back in a day. I was asked to come back for further testing and it was ultimately found that I had a small brain tumor on my cerebellum. This was heartbreaking news for me with prom and graduation approaching. I was scared, very sad and not sure what this meant for my future. I met with a neurologist who advised that the best thing to do was operate being that I was experiencing symptoms including the migraines and problems with coordination. My surgery was scheduled for the day following graduation. At the appointment I was shocked and it took a few days to absorb what I learned. How would I finish the school year strong knowing this? What did this mean for my college plans? I was unsure about everything and depressed…
And now I’m in tears as I write this so please stay tuned for pt. II. Until next time…
Xoxo,
Millennial Mom
A picture of me in the local newspaper from an insert about the Octet I played in outside of school.
Happy to share my love for nature and travel with them at such early ages 💙
If you should know one thing about me as a Millennial Mom, you should know about my obsession with travel; and more importantly my dedication to sharing such experiences with my children. If you’re a close friend or family member, you can probably recall the number of times that I said (in the past) that my dream was to stay at home with my children and travel the world with them. And would you look at that, that dream is exactly the dream I am living today. So many people ask us how we travel the way we do, assume that we are “rich”, or comment that we are “lucky” (hah… I don’t recall much of anything that happened in my life being as a result of luck lol). However, I can assure you that what we do is no thanks to any stashed fortune or luck. So I write today to share just how we are able to travel for extended periods as a family. At present, “family” meaning me and my two littles as hubby has stayed behind to work during our recent adventures. I hope my practices inspire someone to try it too. (If you’re looking for more content on this topic, check out my blog post on Budget Travel.)
Me and my “littles” A’Bree (9) and A’Brahm (8-months) 💙💓
Now before I jump into any of the logistical stuff regarding how we travel, I must first highlight the two overall reasons we are able to make this dream life our reality. Reason one is… WE ARE BLESSED. Plain and simple! We would not be able to live this dream without the man above hearing my countless prayers, seeing my heart, and putting opportunities in my path. Call me crazy for believing in this way but I see no other way. I am blessed that my energy has guided my family and I to places that give us just what we need in terms of healing, peace, and balance. We rarely travel to places that we are familiar, or where we know people. We always venture out in search of the things I’ve just mentioned. And this is a part of the reason why meditation has become a big part of our world. But I won’t get too deep into this subject just yet. It’s a topic for a future post. Just understand that in a nutshell, we are blessed and I’m a mama very much in-tune with the universe.
Sometimes the only way you can see your next step, is through prayer and meditation… Falling to your knees with an open heart. I teach this young!
Not only are we blessed to live this life, but we are RESOURCEFUL. We have learned to seek out the things that help make our dream life possible. Two of the things we sought out prior to taking on this traveling lifestyle were my job which is remote and a homeschooling routine for “mini me”. Being able to work and school from home makes this dream life doable while keeping up with the two things we must do; work and study. Prior to traveling and as we travel, there are a few things that we do which allow us to keep traveling and spending extended time away from home. To start, we…
1. Plan Ahead
We plan ahead as much as possible prior to traveling for the purpose of budgeting, saving, and planning out our school and work schedules. If we were last minute travelers, we probably would not be able to continue traveling as frequently as we do. I have a book that I call my “life journal” which has a section dedicated solely to travel. This journal helps me with planning trips, noting wish list destinations, comparing travel costs, and tracking the best places to travel based on cost/season. Inside, there are trips organized as far as one year in advance. I have an old journal just for travel which I now look back on to see how I mapped out our long-term international trip. In that journal, I made a savings plan, made to/do lists, highlighted things to be purchased liked backpacks and travel insurance (Allianz Global), and tracked my planning weekly and monthly. It has become a resource for me and brings back great memories when reading through it. I encourage anyone looking to take on any big venture to get a journal dedicated to keeping track of your goal(s) as it is extremely helpful and motivating.
I recently planned an upcoming surprise trip for my mama’s birthday in a span of six months, where we will live like “royalty” for one week. There will be 6-8 of us traveling together. The planning time for this trip allowed me to secure travel and accommodation options for everyone within a very inexpensive budget (under $3k to be exact). The accommodation that I found would cost me a fortune if I waited to book it, so planning ahead was essential for planning this surprise trip and saving. Now there are occasions where I plan last minute trips. During these instances, I simply research multiple sites for airfare and look into different types of accommodation before booking anything. Which brings me to my next point…
2. Shop Around
We never book the first thing that we see. We research plane tickets on multiple sites prior to booking them and roll with whatever is more affordable. Sometimes that means booking from an airline directly. Other times it means booking through our favorite sites like Momondo, CheapOair, Skyscanner, Priceline, or Orbitz. There are occasions when we book roundtrip flights and other times that we book one way options. Sometimes booking a one way flight saves you a ton of cash so it’s important to look prior to just rolling with a round-trip ticket. Again, we always go with what’s more affordable.
In regards to accommodation, we choose between hotels, Airbnb-s, and VRBO-s (Vacation Rentals by Owner ). Most times we rock with Airbnb-s (sign up using my link at the end of this post, to earn $40 to use towards your first stay). With this type of accommodation, we like that we get to rent nice spaces that feel like home, and love that such places have kitchens where I can cook. This saves us money when it comes to dining and we typically choose to eat out for only one meal which is lunch/dinner. While traveling out of the states, securing inexpensive accommodation is pretty easy; simply by walking around and communicating with locals or booking online through the platforms I’ve just shared. One perk we found while booking hotels and hostels abroad, was that breakfast was almost always included. And the low cost of living in different countries allowed us to dine at tons of restaurants for a fraction of what it would cost at home in NYC. Now on to my next point….
Some fun accommodation that we recently found via Airbnb and stayed in… a yacht in Key Largo, FL and a converted school bus in Homestead, FL.
3. Budget, Work, and Save
After booking trips, we come up with a budget of what we anticipate we will spend for the time that we will be away. I come up with an estimated budget based on what activities we will do and considering the area we will be in. The website Numbeo helps me greatly with budgeting. “Mini me” is typically responsible for coming up with the itinerary of things to do. This is mainly because we always connect travel and homeschooling (aka “worldschooling”). I like for my daughter to find things to do related to her interests/studies and I guide her when needed. (If you’re interested in learning more about how we school at home, check out my post Our Home… Her School.) After coming up with an anticipated budget, we then work and save. Not for the upcoming trip, but for future trips. We have funds allocated to travel and after we tap into our fund for a trip, we work to replenish it. Now when I say “work”, it’s not just my job that brings in income for travel. We save:
Money that “Mini me” earns from collecting bottles
Cash back rewards from shopping and credit cards
Money we make from selling our gently/unworn clothing (check out my Poshmark closet for some chic finds).
Our earnings from these hobbies are never a lot but they do add up. The biggest earnings we made came after we cleared out our apartment in Brooklyn, NY by selling everything. We used the funds we made to pay for a good portion of our South/Central American adventures. When it comes to saving, my goal is always to save at least half of the amount that I anticipate we will spend on a trip before we depart. Sometimes things go according to plan and other times not so much but it’s always good to have a goal. And whenever we are about to get on the road, my stress levels are low so I’m not too overwhelmed if I don’t meet my goal. The last thing that we do to make it so we can keep traveling is…
All smiles before take off 😊💙
4. To Continue Traveling
Lol! So long as we continue to roam and fall in love with new places, new foods/cultures, and new people, the desire to travel will always be there for us. Since the day that Bree and I got the travel bug about five years ago, we have found that traveling only feeds that bug more. And since that time, we have continued to travel as often as we can. We make it our number one priority to always seek out places that work within our budget. While we travel, we practice a few habits that allow us to keep costs low on our trips which include:
Cooking at least one meal in our accommodation
Packing snacks to take on outings
Filling our itinerary with free and low cost activities (botanical gardens, museums, national parks, libraries, beaches, etc)
Walking places whenever possible
Limiting our shopping and collection of items to take back home
However, much of the savings come with choosing the right destination based on the cost/season and shopping around for airfare. We use a number of resources to help us budget and know when and where to travel. For our international trip, we heavily utilized author & blogger Matthew Kepnes’ site Nomadic Matt to help choose travel destinations, create an itinerary, and decide when to travel. The website Rome2Rio is my go to, to learn the best/most affordable ways to get around. As I previously mentioned, Numbeo.com helps me budget travel domestically and internationally. This site breaks down the cost of living in any region down to how much you can anticipate to pay for eggs lol. I pray that the day will come when I will be able to eliminate this form of planning prior to taking a trip. But for now, as long as we remain a lower middle-class family trying to make ends meet in one of the most expensive cities in the world, while still trying to follow our hearts and dreams, this is what we must do.
The view from our plane window, heading to Milan, Italy.
I hope someone found this read inspirational, interesting, and helpful. Travel is big on our agenda for 2019 and I cannot wait to finish our two series “Oh the Places We’ve Been” and “Oh the Places We’ll Go”, to share with our readers. In addition, I will soon be blogging about remote work options and things to make money before/while traveling ; as I know many people are mostly interested in finding income to sustain travel. We are currently on a fun adventure in the Florida Keys, and have one upcoming trip at the end of the month. I won’t spoil our future blog posts by sharing any details now, so stay tuned! Until next time…
Xoxo,
Millennial Mom
Not down with Airbnb yet and looking for more than a hotel stay while traveling away from home? Sign up using my link and earn $40 to use towards your first booking:
Are you also a nomad with tips to share? Are you a parent interested in trying out travel with your little(s)? Do you like to travel but need to learn how to be more resourceful or want to use my skills? Drop a comment below or message me!
One of my favorite rooms in our home… our master bedroom 💙
If you read my latest blog post Journey to Tiny House Living, you may recall me mention our family’s plan to tidy up our tiny NYC apartment. Although our home is typically quite neat and organized, the truth is we have acquired way too much stuff again. Stuff that would never neatly fit into a tiny home. In addition, things have been quite chaotic for us the past few months. And chaos and clutter don’t mix. So, we have been planning to make some changes for some time now. We were inspired to start sorting through all of our belongings and purging after watching the Netflix docu-series “Tidying Up” with Marie Kondo. The series helped us realize that a thorough household cleaning and organization task would A: better prepare us to soon live in a tiny house and B: bring back the sense of calm/structure in our lives which kind of escaped us since our relapse to excessive buying, spending, and collecting. I’ve always found cleaning to be very therapeutic however, this challenge proved to be that and more on a much higher level. So detailed herein is the process of how we tidied up our nest… purged, organized, and deep cleaned to be exact; some of our thoughts and feelings during the challenge; and many pictures to show before the purge and after. (Link to our YouTube video at the conclusion).
The room in our home where lots of hugs and cuddles happen.
On Wednesday 2/13/19, “mini me” and I began day one of our seven day “Tidying Up” challenge at home. I planned for no work or clients for the week, and scheduled nothing else for us to do. Hubby’s work schedule would not allow him to really be a part of the fun so we left his closet for him to complete on his own this weekend. We started tidying our “loving room” first as it is the place where we spend the most time. Out of all the rooms in our home, it is the neatest with most of the clutter nestled away in our tv stand. For this challenge, we pulled all things (which included papers, pictures, old electronics, craft supplies, and more) out from their hiding places. We got huge trash bags and Banker’s Boxes and got to work. We spent at least four hours sorting between things to be trashed, things to be stored, and things to be neatly tucked away. Bree had a blast shredding papers, taking pictures and videos, and singing along to our cleaning playlist. At the end of it all, our living room was decluttered and smelling fresh. We lit some candles, turned on our essential oil defuser, and soaked in the new energy in the room. Our “loving room” has become even more of a place where we want to spend our time. Following day one of the cleanse, we rested.
My little helpers working to bring order to our “loving room”.
Each day I targeted one room or closet. I was so into making everything as perfect as possible that I couldn’t do multiple spaces per day without tiring myself out. Following the living room, I hit the dining room and our coat closet on day two. This portion of the challenge mainly consisted of shredding more papers and mail, reorganizing the way in which things were stored in our hallway closet, and packing up the things that we occasionally use to be sent to our storage unit. Before I considered the project in our dinning complete, I vacuumed and mopped the floors, scrubbed the walls, and cleaned the baseboards. The finished product is seen in the picture below. The catastrophe that our dining room was prior to working on it, is captured in our YouTube video.
After the organization that we did on the second day of our challenge, I felt so happy, refreshed, and empowered from simply cleaning as corny as that sounds. But it was my effort at tidying that was creating a new energy in the rooms of our home for us all to enjoy. And as I saw progress I felt motivated to keep going. I moved on from tackling our coat closet on day two to getting busy in our linen closet on day three.
How did I ever start my morning at ease, when my linen closet looked like this? Mom and God forgive me for I know better 🤣
I’m embarrassed to say that this was once the condition of my linen closet, which is actually home to a lot more things than just linens. Our linen closet houses towels, sheets, hair and beauty supplies, cleaning products, and dirty laundry. Out of all the places in my home, I believe it should be one of the neatest as everything in it is related to cleanliness, upkeep, and appearance. It was much more neatly kept once upon a time but things changed as more and more items needed a home there. As the third place that I tidied in this challenge, it was my favorite to organize. I was able to make a new space that allowed me to access ALL of my makeup, folded my sheets and towels so pretty that they were nice to look at, and organized everything without one thing being out of place. It was a quick task and transition in comparison to the other two spaces that I started with, and allowed me to move on to my kitchen in the same day.
Folding laundry has always been my thing! No Marie K folding at this stage, my method will do.
The finished product 🤗
My kitchen is typically spic and span. I spend a lot of time there preparing meals for my family (my absolute favorite thing to do). I find it hard to function in there and successfully prepare a meal if anything is out of place. So I make it a priority to keep things neat and organized in the kitchen. However, like all of the other rooms in our home, the accumulated items have made it difficult to keep tidy and hard for me to live according to the rule that I constantly feed to “mini me”… “everything has a home”. So the purging part of this challenge was much needed in the organization of our kitchen. As I tossed mismatched Tupperware and spaced and stacked my spices, I began to love my kitchen even more. After I found new homes above our cabinets for less frequently used items, the space became so much more open. The lemon scent was amazing and so was the smell of dinner in the Crockpot!
As you can see from the items stored above our cabinets, we make the most of all space… a practice that will be essential as we transition into a tiny house!
Crockpot going as I cleaned… easy🙌🏾
Under table storage… one day I’ll tell you about my life saving mini washing machine. Thank you Amazon 🙏🏾
On Day four of this challenge, I targeted our bathroom which is probably the size of three chartered bus bathrooms. There was very little to organize and you’ll see the before and after in our YouTube video. It was super easy and allowed me to move on to the next jobs quickly. The last two rooms and challenge days six and seven nearly took us out. We saved the worst for last… our bedrooms! After being away from home for over three weeks, we returned and dropped our bags on the floors in our rooms knowing that we would soon be tidying up. We let days pass and felt little need to put things away where they belonged. So we started tidying these spaces with a larger mess than we typically have. My anxiety tank was full and I felt very overwhelmed getting started. My patience was running thin and I’m sure “mini me” despised me those two days. However, the feeling I felt made it much easier for me to toss all the things that didn’t “spark joy” and needed to go, rather than come up with an excuse to keep them. I started to feel greedy and ungrateful when looking at the piles of things I had and never wore. I was a little disappointed that I went through this process three years ago but was back in the same place.
Following Marie Kondo and making a pile to start attacking this monstrosity lol
“So you’re telling me this pink paper in mama’s closet keeps her focused and driven? Amazing”
But……. things happen and you can’t cry over spilt milk; or in my case money spent that I’ll never get back. So I righted my wrong by decluttering and cleaning like I never did before. I insisted that Bree watch and help me in my bedroom to prepare her for the task at hand in her room. I completed my room after over eight hours. My back ached and my mood was off but I realized how much I cherished everything that remained in my room. And the hard work of this challenge will be the reason I think wisely before resorting to impulsive shopping again. I ultimately ended day six with three trash bags ready for donation and 15 new pairs of shoes (either never worn or worn once) ready to be sold online. The sentimental part of this task came as I gifted some of my small expensive pieces to my baby girl. When she tried them on and they fit her perfectly, it was eye opening that my “mini me” isn’t so mini anymore. With this realization, my room was complete. I rested and geared up for day seven in “mini me” ‘s room as that space is always hell to clean (sorry Bree).
My decluttered closet 🙌🏾
Marie Kondo style of organizing my drawers
On the final day of our “Tidy Up” challenge we finished how we started… together, singing along to a playlist, and reminiscing as we looked back at things that got lost amongst the clutter. In “mini me” ‘s room we recovered money from the places we’ve been (blog series coming soon), homeschooling projects that reminded us of what a bomb job we are doing, and books that we forgot we had. We retired with not one corner left unswept or unexamined. There is now so much less to fuss with and a room that baby girl says she’s proud of.
“Mini me” says:
“The Tidying Up challenge was very helpful for me because after seeing all the clothes that I had to give away, I felt so relieved. It made me feel better knowing that if my mom were to check my room, there would not be tons of things keeping me up until 1:00am cleaning my room lol. I feel so much better. I hope that other people get a chance to try it!
Photo credit goes to “mini me” who is currently fooling around with photography as a new hobby 😊
AVP 2019
And when our feet are planted in a place where we are familiar, we are happy that a book can take us to a place we are not 💙- Tanisha G. Paka
Thank you Marie Kondo 🙏🏾
Altogether, it felt great dedicating seven full days of our time to transforming the spaces in our home. We have a new appreciation for the things that we have and are reminded that we are happier with less. As always, I documented this journey to inspire. As Americans, we are very privileged and this can sometimes cloud our mind to the idea of minimalistic living. So I encourage someone to take on the challenge of “tidying up”. Not because of the Netflix series or because it seems to be the thing to do right now; but because it is our memories rather than materials that give life the most meaning. At the end of this Millennial Mom “Tidying Up” Challenge, the memory of sharing this experience with my daughter and learning a few important life lessons is what I’ll take away. I dare you to try it!
Check out how we completed this challenge from beginning to end in our first Millennial Mom related YouTube video 👇🏾:
More to come from Millennial Mom in the days ahead and it’s looking like a series reminiscing on the places we’ve traveled to, is up next so stayed tuned. Until next time…
Xoxo,
Millennial Mom
Did you enjoy this post? Have some questions? Want to join the challenge? Drop a comment and feel free to hash tag #MMtidyupchallenge if you go for it.
Receiving this message made my week and changed my life. It told me to keep going and so I shall. I end this post with a special message to my friends, family, and followers: tell the people around you what they mean to you! If you have a meaningful experience with a stranger, let them know. We are here for reasons greater than what we think and our interactions with one another help to bring clarity regarding our strengths and the paths that we should travel in life. Our gifts are made to touch others in a special way. What we do or should be doing should be for reasons other than recognition or financial l gain. Here on Millennial Mom, I share my gift of writing and coaching with you. I encourage you to journey through life with purpose! And be true to yourself and that purpose. And last, I advise you not to show up to my funeral crying and carrying on about what I meant to you, if you never told me while I’m here… I’ll call you out lol. I hope someone enjoyed this write. Let me know your thoughts by dropping a comment. Stay tuned and until next time…
Me and my “littles” A’Bree (9) and A’Brahm (8-months) 💙💓
Millennial Mom 