best interests – Millennial Mom

Navigating the Family Court System pt. II: success as a self-taught lawyer

After my finances put me in a position to no longer afford an attorney to represent me in my custody/visitation battle, I had to really get creative. I was often fearful that representing myself as a layperson could put me in a position to lose my case due to my limited knowledge about law and legal procedures. However, losing was not an option for me as I felt that I was fighting for the well-being of my little one. So I prepared to continue navigating the family court system with the help of resources such as YouTube, Google, legal websites, blogs, and a movie or two with a major court scene. While the opposing side in my case was led and advised by a legal professional with a degree, years of work experience, and a formal education in the area of law, I was at a disadvantage lacking all of that. However, I was bound to be successful in my case as a “self-taught lawyer” and that is just what I did.

A face of resilience, dedication, and intelligence often underestimated. The cover to this book vaguely depicts whats underneath… never judge.

For several months, I spent endless hours preparing for my trial date on evenings after work and even on weekends. I would be busy researching how to present evidence in court, how to address the judge and court personnel, and learning what I was allowed to say and what I was not. I would watch clips on YouTube from court scenes where I closely examined attorneys, took notes on the types of questions they asked and the ways in which they would ask them, and admired their confidence. I read legal websites with information on family court cases and took advantage of their “frequently asked questions” tabs. I reached out to attorneys in my neighborhood who provided free legal services and met with them to discuss my case. I used their feedback to tailor things in my case where necessary. After extensive research and studying, I began intensively applying what I learned to my own case. I reviewed the timeline of events that I created and made sure I had evidence to support what I was saying (phone records, text messages, police reports, etc). I created an outline which included a strong opening statement, when to call for witnesses, and when to present information to the judge. I prepared a list of significant questions for “Parent B” based on some of the accusations he outlined in his petition; and based off of knowing him as a person and being able to predict the things that he is likely to say. Some questions included asking “Parent B” to share the telephone number he would call when he wanted to speak with A’Bree; a list of his addresses for six years; information pertaining to our little one’s academic and extracurricular activities; proof of support he provides for her; a timeline of his visitation schedule; etc. After this step in my preparation process, I started practicing for trial day with the help of close friends, my mother, and my older sister. Everyone laughed that I had labeled myself a “self-taught lawyer” but were impressed when they listened to the case I had built. They commended me for the work that I put in and my mother always commented that not even a trained lawyer would have gone to the lengths that I did for the best outcomes in my case. I often agreed with my mom because who knew my story better than I did? and who would be able to present it as passionately as I could? The answer is no one and the only issue for me was overcoming the fact that conversations in the courtroom would be much different from the ones that I had at my dining room table. My presentation would be everything and was a very important part of the case. I must admit that I was worried however, after months of planning and doing extensive footwork in my case, I was beginning to feel more and more confident. Trial day would ultimately determine how prepared I truly was and would prove whether or not the work I did was useful.

Court Binder — Every I dotted and every T crossed! My biggest resource in navigating the court system… my “story book”.

Trial day finally arrived for me in the summer of 2016 and I made sure to show up and show out. As I prepared to head to the courthouse, I was certain that my hair was sleek and I was dressed in one of my Sunday’s best. I had my documents and trial outline ready to go and I was prepared for whatever was going to come. After things in the courtroom took off running, it was evident that all parties underestimated me and were not prepared for the circles I danced around “Parent B” and his representation. Their opening statements argued that I had denied “Parent B” parenting time with A’Bree in the form of visits and phone calls. As a result, they requested that I be held in contempt of court for my actions. In contrast, my opening statement affirmed that “Parent B” had only been denied parenting time following irrational and inconsistent behavior placing myself and my “mini me” in danger. I made sure to highlight that he was known to frequently disappear, known to behave dangerously in the presence of A’Bree, and known to not provide child support as ordered; leaving the responsibility of caring for our daughter and transporting her to visits to fall solely on me. I informed the court that what I was alleging would become clear after I presented all my evidence, questioned “Parent B”, and called my witnesses. I was as confident as I could ever be and happy that one of my biggest supporters was sitting in the courtroom and watching my performance; my uncle Terry.

Unc 3 — A man who has always made me laugh, been there for me whenever I needed him, and proved the saying “it takes a village to raise a child” correct… My Uncle Terry.

Unc — My uncle Terry and his beautiful family!

On trial day, “Parent B” and his representation had the opportunity to present their arguments first being that they were the petitioners. Their presentation was relatively short and I wondered why “Parent B” decided to bring a case against me with such little support and evidence for what he was arguing. However, I was ready to share the truth and I had people and documentation to back me. After “Parent B” took the stand and stated that I kept our child from him and wanted me to pay for what I had done, I had the opportunity to question him. This is when the circus began and when my “self-taught lawyer” skills came into play. In response to “Parent B” ‘s argument that I denied him visits with A’Bree, I read him a list of dates that I had kept track of in a journal where I allowed him to see our daughter and asked if he recalled them; he reported that he did. In efforts to challenge his statement that I denied him phone contact with our little one, I asked him to provide the court with the telephone number that he would call in order to speak to A’Bree however, he was unable to do so and stated that he deleted the number. I then presented him with text messages that he sent to me a few months prior to the trial date, asking to re-enter a sexual and romantic relationship with me; he acknowledged that the texts in fact came from him. When I asked why he texted me more concerned about a romantic relationship rather than building a relationship with our daughter, he commented that he still loved me and wanted to have more children together. When I questioned him about incidents where he failed to return A’Bree back to my custody after visits, he denied such occurrences and it was perfect timing for me to present police reports. Lastly when I highlighted occasions when he behaved aggressively and irrationally in the presence of our daughter, he did not deny it. What had unfolded in the courtroom to me was a clear indicator of “Parent B” ‘s mental health and instability. There was nothing more for me to argue as his testimony said it all. Following my questions for “Parent B”, the court called for an adjournment at the request of his attorney. I took it that they needed time to discuss what I had presented in addition to “Parent B” ‘s inconsistent responses. I took the opportunity to converse with my uncle who had been watching the show and to regather myself for my testimony and witnesses when trial resumed. It was evident that I was leading in the case based on my consistency and preparation. “Parent B” on the other hand was very much unprepared even with legal representation and the inconsistencies in his story were countless.

Following the adjournment in my case, I called my mother and older sister as witnesses to the stand; two people who have observed several occasions where “Parent B” behaved irrationally in the presence of our daughter and subjected me to abuse. My mother descriptively noted times where “Parent B” verbally assaulted her, failed to return my “mini me” back home, and moved to and from new addresses in short spans of time. She argued her interest to assure that my little one saw her father but also discussed her concerns about how such a relationship has been harmful. After she stated her peace she left the courtroom. Next came testimony from my sister about her experiences with “Parent B”. She too detailed his history of aggression and unstable behaviors. She even retold the story of a time when “Parent B” locked me in an apartment after assaulting me and she came to my aid along with police. After she left the stand, it was my turn to share my experiences. I came prepared with dates when “Parent B” moved and was unable to be contacted; a list of multiple the times where he cancelled scheduled visits with poor reasoning; times where he assaulted me in the presence of my baby girl; times where he threatened to harm me during visit exchanges; and dates where my daughter requested to call home or be returned home during a visit and he denied her. It was such a relief to present the truth and prove to the court that I was not the spiteful and vindictive mother that “Parent B” had painted me to be. The truth was that I simply saw the instability and dangers that he posed to our little one and wanted him to work towards bettering himself before building a relationship with A’Bree. I made what I believed to be a reasonable request to the court and asked that “Parent B” ‘s home be inspected before visits could take place and asked that he undergo a psychological evaluation and participate in treatment if needed. I looked into the eyes of his attorney as I made these requests because “Parent B” hung his head throughout the course of my testimony. His attorney’s eyes said much more than words could have. As I stepped down from the stand, although tears fell from my face I felt free. After months of fighting in the courts, facing hardship, and waiting for a resolve I had spoken my truth. It was now a matter of waiting and hoping that the court would make a determination that was in the best interests of A’Bree.

mom, sister, and Bree — My rock despite rough times, the matriarch in our family, the woman who I look up to, the woman with a story not much different from mine, and the woman who gave me life and helped me through hard times… My mama.

After trial ended, A’Bree had an opportunity to speak to the judge along with her attorney. Although I had gone through this tumultuous court battle for months, I kept her ignorant to what was happening. The questions from her following her interaction with the judge and her attorney were overwhelming however, I was happy that I did not have to expose her to what was actually going on. She immediately understood and her maturity was a blessing to me during this time. She shared her thoughts and feelings with the court and when it was over we, waited for the court’s decision and tried to recover from the process.

In November of 2016, I received the court’s decision and it was a relief to learn that I had come out on top. It was decided that A’Bree would remain in my custody and visits with “Parent B” would resume following a psychological evaluation, drug screening, and his participation in anger management. Truth had prevailed and after months of fear and anxiety I had successfully navigated the family court system and reached success as a self-taught lawyer. Although this is still where things stand today, I understand that I can easily find myself back in the family court in the near future. However, I am content that I was able to share my story and grateful that other, reasonable adults saw what I have experienced for the past six years. Every day I pray for “Parent B” to one day be in a place to be the best for our little one. In the interim, I am healing and working to move forward with my life. I am continuing to find myself, prioritize our happiness, and provide my baby girl stability and all the things that she has ever dreamed of. This experience has taught me many lessons that I will always apply in life when things are tough, when doors don’t easily open, and when I am in need of something that I must work hard to get. I vow to also teach my little one the same.

No matter how old she gets, I will forever be her rock and she will always find comfort in my arms.

Thank you for taking time to read my story! I hope that I have been an inspiration to at least one person along the way. I always say that although I have gone through so much in this life, I am dedicated to finding a lesson in my experiences and applying it to my life going forward. My purpose in this life is not complete unless I do so and also make efforts to help someone else. Millennial Mom is dedicated to doing just that. In closing, this article is the end of my series on navigating the family court system. It is also an end to my shares about my past in regards to my past relationship and that struggle. In the days to come, I will be sharing much more exciting things about my road to healing, bonding with my “mini me”, happiness in my new relationship, travels, and much more. So stay tuned for what is to come.

Until next time…

Xoxo,

Millennial Mom

Co-Parenting with the “Conflictual” Parent: prioritizing paternal power over parenting

Successfully co-parenting with my daughter’s father (“parent B”) was my number one goal both while I was with him and after I made the decision to leave him. In fact, failing at this goal was one of my number one fears; so much so that it kept me in an abusive relationship longer than I should have been. I often felt pressured to stay and endure the maltreatment so that my “mini me” would have both parents until I one day realized that I would be making such a life possible for her at a great cost. I would be risking the emotional well-being and safety of myself and my child. But how could I be a great mother or be able to effectively co-parent if at the end of my day, I was not well? The reality is I could never! So with this enlightenment I also realized it was time to leave my relationship and eventually I did. Following the separation, I made it clear to “parent B” and people who questioned why I “catered” to him, that despite our failure in a romantic relationship I hoped for us to be the best parents possible to Bree. I made great efforts to be sure that this could happen until I understood that such a dream was only my own. Although, this goal is one that I believe should have been shared between myself and “parent B”, it became one that was solely burdensome and stressful to me; particularly working to get “parent B”and I on the same page. I was attempting to co-parent with a person who valued using his paternal power to puppeteer my life; someone who cared more about his control over me rather than making efforts to successfully parent. Such values made co-parenting nearly impossible.

The little face that has always been my motivation, Winter 2009.

After moving out of a shared apartment and living separately from “parent B”, I was grateful to have escaped the abuse and control I once endured. I couldn’t have been happier to be free from the physical and verbal abuse, drug use, control, threats, and instability. Such a life transformed me into a submissive and fearful person where I was sad and depressed more days than not. After I realized how much I lost myself and during times where I thought about the example I hoped to set for my daughter, moving forward to become happy and emotionally stronger again became another one of my priorities. In efforts to do so, I sought the help of a counselor to talk through my issues, spent my free-time in the gym, focused on a healthier diet, and found hope in my spirituality. I had the unwavering support of my aunt Ramona and uncle Terry who have always been more like my parents, in addition to the full support of my mother and older sister. Evading the chaos in my life was initially challenging but once I was out of it, things seemed to be looking up for “mini me” and I.

Finding comfort in my sister’s home along with kisses from my angel during trying times, Summer 2010.

Despite my history of abuse and hardship in my relationship, I was hopeful for a better future for myself and Bree; one that I envisioned with “parent B” involved. The optimist in me caused me to believe that things would be just fine. I was encouraged that life would be better and conflict would subdue being that I was out of the daily sights and interactions of “parent B”. I continued to have faith that “parent B” and I could be even better parents to my “mini me” if the stress of maintaining a romantic relationship was eliminated. My faith influenced my efforts to always assure that my daughter was connected with her father. I would transport Bree to visits whenever “parent B” asked and arranged phone dates for them regularly although Bree could barely speak. I would plan weekend outings to do as a family and attempted to include “parent B” in all aspects of my “mini me”‘s life. Sadly, visits and phone interactions exposed me to continued abuse. I was regularly questioned about if/who I was dating and threatened that I would be harmed if seen out in public with another man. I was denied financial support for Bree and told that I would receive it only if I returned back “home”. Visits were often cut short if I used my phone or was suspected of speaking to a romantic interest; things I was entitled to do as a single woman. In such instances, I would be quickly loading my baby and her belongings in the car while being berated, and then off on my way traveling 40 minutes to get back home to my parents. It seemed that all of my efforts to successfully co-parent were in vain. I endured this negative experience for some time until I was finally done.

A happy mother equals a happy child… back then and even now, we have always found our happy place outdoors, Summer 2011.

After it was clear that I would no longer place myself and little one in unsafe/uncomfortable predicaments for the sake of visiting time with “parent B”, I sought the help of my parents to assist with visits. Although my efforts at co-parenting failed, I continued to value the goal of helping Bree maintain a relationship with her father. I believed that I could now assist in doing so by removing myself from the situation. However, removing myself from the equation helped very little and seemed to cultivate more conflict. For another year or so I was met with morning calls and texts where I was threatened and degraded. I faced several incidents where my daughter was taken for visits, not returned, and used as bait in efforts to scare me. Authorities would be called to serve as mediators to help get my baby back home and when she did return , I was left afraid to allow her on future visits. The conflict I experienced in efforts to co-parent made life challenging and caused me to question if it was even worth it. I understood that I again put myself in a position to create a life that could happen but at a great cost.

“Mommying” = making things happen despite the chaos! One of our favorite things.. princess brunches and birthdays.

After a short time, it became more and more evident that the goal of co-parenting to meet the best interests of my “mini me” was something that only I found important in my parenting duo. Getting myself and “parent B” on the same page seemed nearly impossible and was not going to happen at that time. So I decided to rethink my goals and values as a mother considering what I could and wanted to do. I could only ensure that I was the best mother I was able to be and could not force my dreams or ideals on anyone else. I learned that co-parenting could only happen with two agreeable parents and sadly I was not in that place with “parent B”. I moved forward with my goal of giving Bree the best life, making sure that she was my number one priority, and ensuring that she was happy and well cared for. I left space and opportunity for “parent B” to come around at his own pace. Sadly, it seemed that the door to such a future closed after he disappeared for some time. I then started wrapping my mind around the idea of successfully single-parenting. The issues of power and control were gone from my life but like hurdles, new problems presented.

Stay tuned for pt. II of Co-parenting with the “Conflictual” Parent: now you see me… now you don’t. Until next time…

Xoxo,

Millennial Mom

Our Route to Happiness (pt. III): the trial travel run

Before rearranging life for my “mini me” and I to set out and travel the way we dreamed of, I had to first be sure that it was a challenge we were up for. I did not want to make major changes to later find that we were not ready or to realize that extended travel wasn’t really what we wanted. I faced great criticism and skepticism from others when I posed my idea of possibly traveling full-time and homeschooling, which made me question things once or twice. I was often asked “how do you know Bree will adjust well? or ” What if she doesn’t like it? And other times people flat out told me “you’re crazy”. With the majority of the responses I received, I felt that most people around me were so closed-minded and did not understand what I was trying to do. Nor did they consider the stressful years Bree and I endured together and the fact that we needed a break. The biggest concern posed to me was how I could live the life of a traveler with a child. However, that did not discourage me and instead motivated me to find the answer to the question. What would I do to successfully take on this new lifestyle with my child? My top priority was making the right choice for Bree based on my research and facts rather than on unsubstantiated fear. I was bound to do so despite what others thought and said. I would be sure that we found the happiness we were desperately in search of. From what Bree and I discussed, it was likely that travel could provide us what we were looking for… if we were ready for such a change. People who know me well like my best friends and my older sister told me things like “go for it, you’ll never know how ready you are unless you try”. So I planned on organizing a trial travel run to see just how ready we were.
Around December of 2015, my childhood friend Nicole extended an invite for Bree and I to join her overseas. I had shared my interest in exposing Bree to travel with Nicole and it was perfect timing when she offered for us to vacation with her. Nicole was traveling through Southeast Asia at the time and is a friend who has done a great deal of traveling herself. I was ecstatic that I would have the opportunity to wander with her and spend the time away with my little one. Bree and I would be traveling from New York City alone ,on a long flight and spending two weeks away. Initially it sounded scary but we were down to make it happen. And in February of 2016, we were off to the Philippines on Bree’s first international trip; we were off on our trial travel run.

Leaving Manila… ready to explore the other places in the Philippines.

After 20 plus hours of travel we finally arrived in the city of Manila. Upon our arrival we saw many things that came as a shock to us; including the young children roaming around barefoot and poorly clothes without a guardian close by. I perceived the city to be an impoverished one and I knew Bree’s mind was in great thought too based on the questions she posed. In instances such as this one and throughout our travels, I took what we saw as opportunities to educate Bree. I aimed to prepare her for things we could possibly encounter during our journey. I also took the the time to remind her that people all around the world are different and live differently . I wanted her to always strive to be open-minded to such differences despite what she observed and initially perceived. After such chats, Bree seemed less and less shocked by things that we witnessed throughout our trip and was much more understanding. She settled in so easily and everything to her was just irie (pleasing). Things at the beginning of the trip were off to a good start and headed in the direction that I had hoped for. From Manila we ventured off to places such as Puerto Princessa and El Nido, Palawan Islands; places that I can quickly describe as tranquil and breathtaking.

Our trip was one where we took the time to absorb all the beautiful things around us. Instead of hopping in a car or taxi as we usually did at home, we were chauffeured around in Tuk-Tuks (carriage like vehicles carried by motorbikes). Our accommodations were very basic and affordable. We stayed in places surrounded by nature and in places close to the beach with beautiful views. We even had the chance to stay in a man-made tree house, creatively designed with bamboo and sea shell decor. These places were not the luxurious hotels that we familiar with from other family vacations but somehow we appreciated them much more. I guess because the simplicity of these places void of fancy electronics and services allowed my “mini me”and I to relax with great company. They allowed us to truly enjoy time and conversations together without any distractions; they exposed us to environments where we could explore nature around us that we typically did not see at home; and proved to us that we could do with less and actually be happy about it. What we were experiencing taught me a lot about myself and about the life that I was practically killing myself to give us back home in NY. As our trip in the Philippines progressed, what I witnessed from my “mini me” taught me so much more!

Beautiful blue waters and skies in the Palawan Islands (picture by me), February 2016

Entry to our tree house at Bamboo Nest, in Puerto Princessa.

img_3297-1 — Evening view from our hostel balcony, El Nido.

Over the course of our two weeks away in the Philippines, I realized that Bree was the happiest I had seen her in a very long time. Not that she had ever presented to me as a saddened child, but on our journey she was simply glowing; running freely, asking tons of questions, requiring very little, and openly embracing a place very different from home. All of this was a refreshing sight for me. Although I understood how children can easily adapt to new environments, I also knew that such an adjustment can present as a challenge when a new setting is very different from a child’s normal environment. This was the case for me when I spent my summers living abroad in Jamaica between the ages of 7 and 10. At first I had great trouble adjusting and was sometimes in distress missing the things I was used to. Over time I became more comfortable with the things that were initially foreign to me and overall such experiences were some of the greatest that my mother could have ever afforded me. I saw something completely different in Bree however when I assessed her adjustment to her first trip away and everything that I witnessed made me proud.

On her first trip away, A’Bree did not show one sign of unhappiness or poor adjustment to being far away from home, friends, or loved ones. In every activity we participated in, even ones that were new to her or ones that made her afraid (swimming in the ocean and walking among crabs on the beach) she was brave and conquered her fears in instances when she was not. She was fine being vulnerable in situations where she was the new girl who did not speak the language, playing with the locals on the beach; and comfortable being the little brown girl who drew tons of stares and countless numbers of people playing with her braided and beaded hair. She was so joyful and just looking at her I could tell that she felt free. She was delighted to roam around barefoot when she could like the children she saw upon our arrival in Manila, happy to swing in a hammock or fishing net for hours at a time, and so content to simply be in my presence doing some very fun and novel things. She was without television and electronics and our fun entailed made up games, being beach bums searching for sea shells, outdoor play, and exploration. Everything I saw in my daughter was enlightening and gave me hope. Many of her strengths, interests, and character traits came to light as a result of a temporary change in our change in environment. Bree did not appear to be missing her life at home, she was much happier with less, accepted all of the differences that came with visiting a foreign country, and she easily adjusted to such a long journey overseas. After seeing what I saw in her while abroad I knew I didn’t need to see much more. Her question of whether we could “do this forever” solidified things for me. Our trial travel run was over and I knew what we needed to do next. We conquered the test and it was evident that we were ready to plan for extended travel overseas.

My “mini me” swinging happily in a fishing net on the beach.

Belly Dancer silhouettes in the sunset, El Nido.

Beach bumming-it and exploring, photo credit: Ste Lane @northofthewall_

Searching the shore for sea shells, photo credit: Ste Lane @northofthewall_

Our last day in Puerto Princessa where this smile told me everything I needed to know!

Bree and I finished our journey in the Philippines on an even greater note than the one we started on. We were so refreshed and grateful for our experience; and thankful to our friends Nicole and Ste for showing us a wonderful time. We had something great to look forward to and would get busy planning when we arrived back home. I knew I had to get the ball rolling by saving, organizing schooling options, planning for what to do with our apartment/belongings, and discussing the plan with my family. It all sounded doable and I was motivated to do it all. I simply needed to plan and pace myself. However, there was one obstacle that gave me GREAT anxiety and that was facing the non-custodial parent who was bound to give me hell.

Now I promise there is no part IV in this series but I ask that you stay tuned for my next series: Co-parenting with the “Conflictual” Parent. In that series I will share much of the conflict I have experienced with my daughter’s father for the past 7 years, and in part discuss how it impacted my decisions and current journey. Until next time…

xoxo,

Millennial Mom

Our Road to Happiness (pt. II): planning a new route

After years of hard work and dedication to living out my “American Dream”, I grew to a different place mentally. Such growth yielded me to be in search of a life more fulfilling and different from what I am familiar with back home in the states. I realized that the “American Dream” allowed me to reach many of my goals and then this particular dream was not my dream anymore. Nor was it something as close to my heart as it previously had been. I was over working 50+ hours per week for a business that was not my own; tired of spending countless hours away from my little one; confused as to why I accepted dedicating the majority of my earnings to bills and debt; and frustrated with traveling for only one or two weeks out of the 52 weeks in the year to quickly return to work again. Such a routine was less of a dream for me and more of a nightmare. However, I was grateful to have been afforded the opportunity to advance my education, to work as a young professional in a managerial position in my field of study, and blessed to have been in a position to afford my “mini me” and I a comfortable lifestyle; opportunities not available to many people. So I embraced the ideal of the “American Dream” for some time and then accepted the fact that I had outgrown it. I then had my mind set on a new dream; a dream considered very much unorthodox in the minds of many; a dream easier to be embraced by people with a millennial mindset. And in November of 2014, I was on a new mission to make that dream my new reality. I was in pursuit of a new route to our happiness.

A paradise that I had the opportunity to experience while living in Bocas del Toro for one month. Photo by me, December 2016

In November of 2014, I remember siting in my office while my mind wandered elsewhere. I would have very much preferred to have been somewhere else. I was bored of my routine, tired, and barely surviving the cold winter climate in NYC. So to offer myself a little hope and excitement I googled tropical images and dazed at them. I then began researching places opposite the U.S. in terms of culture, food, language, warm climate, etc. Although I was fortunate to live in a city where I could easily get a taste of these things (minus the warm climate part as it was winter) in the diverse neighborhoods around me, I wanted to find a place where I could escape with “mini me” and be totally immersed in these things if I wanted to. A number of places that appealed to me immediately appeared in my search results. So I purchased a travel journal and began compiling a list. This project was something I was very excited about. Despite several of my co-workers thinking that I was nuts and in the stage of some sort of early adult-life crisis, I knew I was just fine and on to something great . As my list of places to wander grew, I knew I needed to narrow it down. I believed that I could better do so by creating a list of things I would hope to do and accomplish in the regions on my list; and then select places based on what stood out to me from my list. However, I knew I could not do this task on my own. I had to consult with none other than my life partner… my “mini me”.

Some of the best conversations I have had, have been with this little face in some very special places; including our picnic blanket in Flushing Meadows Park, in Queens, NY.

Bree and I began regular conversations about changing our lifestyle through travel. We were yearning for culture and were in desperate need of a break. But we were clueless about what exactly we wanted to do and how we would make it happen. Would we take longer vacations together during the year? spend the summer months away? or do the “unthinkable” and make traveling a full-time practice as a single mama-daughter duo? At that time, my then five-year-old said yes to all options… everything was a go for her. I on the other hand needed to guide us towards a more specific goal. To arrive at a better goal, together Bree and I started highlighting many of the things that we loved about our New York life and discussed things that we wanted to get away from. We then talked about what we hoped to find in other places. I also created a threefold question for us to quickly answer each night before bedtime which was “if I had one wish what would I ask for, what would I change, and how would I live my life afterwards if my wish came true”. This question was one Bree and I routinely discussed for about a week until my then five-year-old so maturely and articulately laid out her wish for me, and then it hit me!

Evening conversations before rocking my “mini me” to sleep looked a little something like this.

One evening during our nightly discussion Bree hopefully shared her threefold wish with me. Her wish was something along the lines of “if I had one wish, I would want to spend more time with you! I would wish for more money so you wouldn’t have to work a lot and I would make you a teacher so you could teach me… after that I would just be happy”. As emotional as I could ever be, I held my baby and reassured her with the words “no worries, I got you”. I was uncertain of exactly what I needed to do but it was a start. Bree and I moved on from discussing wishes to watching YouTube videos of places we wanted to visit. In each region , we talked about what we wanted to see and learn. Bree was very much fascinated with Egypt and wanted to learn about architecture, archaeology, and desert animals. She also talked about learning Spanish language. Surprisingly she noted as much as she loved Egypt, she was uncertain about visiting there for safety reasons. She reiterated this point to my good friend Cynthia during a comical car ride where we discussed wandering further. So I introduced Bree to my research findings on places in Central and South America. We were sold on places like Mexico, Costa Rica, Guatemala, and Peru; places where Bree could absorb information about diverse animal life, Maya and Inca cultures famous for great architecture (somewhat similar to the Egyptian culture), gold mining, and craftsmanship. And we would be able to be in the warmer climates we were craving. I began looking into homeschooling options to see if I also had what it took to teach Bree and explored different curriculums.

Things were looking really good and I was feeling very confident. This caused me to kick my research mode into overdrive. I learned the average cost of living in various countries in Central and South America. I then budgeted out the monthly expenses for Bree and I to explore in such regions. I looked up things such as food costs, accommodation, methods and cost of travel, schools, and fun things to do. Once I had an idea of what such an excursion would cost us, I was sold again! The cost for us to survive and explore overseas was significantly less than the massive expenses we held in the states. I decided that my salary from my part-time work position could be used to maintain any bills I had while traveling, and would begin saving a lump sum to be dedicated solely to our travel. After coming to this realization, I was beyond thrilled. Our new dream was looking more and more realistic. However, I had much more work to do; starting with a trial travel period to assess “mini me’s” potential to adjust to life overseas.

On a night where we realized changing our lives to fit our new dream was looking more promising!

Stay tuned for pt III of: Our Road to Happiness

Until next time…

xoxo

Millennial Mom