Tag: happiness

Deeper Than My Grief: Hi My Name is Tea

Finding my inner peace on sacred land in Sedona, AZ… PRICELESS!

On my course of learning to live my life again, after surviving one of the most traumatic events in my life, I discovered so much about what healing is and is not. I had no idea that through efforts to mend my broken heart and accept that my soulmate is physically gone forever and never coming back, I would end up where I am today. More and more I see that life is such an enigma. As ugly and as painful as this healing venture has been, I now see it as something just as beautiful, for the ways in which it has shaped me for a brighter future… for a brighter me.

In a world where change is inevitable, I try to assure that finding my breath and rhythm daily is a constant. It’s the one thing that keeps me centered. Outdoor meditation on a road trip this past summer (2022)- Geneva State Park, Ohio

Healing is not linear.

Healing is not easy.

Healing is not a one-and-done process.

Healing is a life-long commitment.

Healing is ugly.

Healing is beautiful.

Healing is transformative.

Healing is deep-rooted.

Healing is a complete undoing.

Healing is leaving no stone unturned.

Healing is a choice made by the bravest.

Healing has bases.

Healing requires that we do or we do not.

Healing requires that we go all the way.

Healing leaves us bare, vulnerable, forever changed.

Healing is why we are here.

On a recent visit to a beach in Ohio, my baby girl taught me the spiritual meaning of stacking cairns… to create balance, to showcase our gratitude, to remember important experiences, places, and loved ones, and for prosperous and intentional paths. Pictured here is my first stone structure… picture perfect 🤍

In discovering these truths about healing, I tried to outline a more dedicated routine for myself. Through daily practices of prayer, journaling, meditation, breath work, and clearing of my inner energy over the last 2.5 years, I began to uncover many things hidden in my subconscious. Truths about myself that were shocking to me in a state of consciousness all came to light. Things that my mind amazingly disguised for years as if they never happened and things that were very painful to face, finally became ones that I could no longer run from. In December of 2021, I experienced what some would call a nervous breakdown. All that I unveiled was overwhelming for me. A relative whom I am now estranged from said it was my karma. Maybe so, but I am not certain of this. I say that this unraveling was a spiritual experience of a breakthrough bound to happen, from years and years of always pushing myself to overcome and survive, while sweeping the things that hurt me the most into the darkest corners of my mind. After making a personal commitment to broadening my spiritual practices in ways unlike ever before, I believe my mind, body, and soul shifted more into alignment, craving a deeper level of personal truth. Holistically, I was ready for a commitment to true change and healing that would shake my entire existence. And on December 10th, 2021, I believe my guides took me on the wildest ride of my life to break down walls and beliefs that formed over a period of years, causing me to operate from a place of survival rather than living from a place authentic to my purpose. But we must live to learn, and I now accept that this was all a part of a greater process.

During this breakthrough I connected with lost loved ones whom I never knew much about before. I learned about some of my spiritual gifts passed down to me through generations. I watched myself through childhood experiences and made sense of things that always felt foreign to me. I identified earthly blockages puppeteering me through life. And I ultimately endured what the spiritually attuned would describe as a massive download or spiritual ceremony. Looking back, I know that it was all a mix of bizarre, comical, and concerning happenings for outsiders looking in. Medical professionals would question if it was a chemically induced trip or psychosis. If you’ve never navigated such an experience, these words likely translate to foreign language. Working in mental health has given me theoretical perspectives of these kind of mind shifts. But living through this opened my eyes to the connections between spiritual realms and psyche that I am now eager to explore more. My experience was one of the most mind-blowing things that I have ever encountered but, I now trust that these ventures are real! All in all, I awoke at the end of all of this in a hospital bed trying to find the right words to help someone viewing my case clinically, understand that I was ok… trying to find strength to tell myself that it would all be ok. I’m grateful that my higher power and mother universe always has the most divine plan and led me in the right direction to recover from such an experience. I was happy to return home safely to my babies, knowing what alternative outcomes could have been.

On my first day back home following my hospital discharge, I felt that I was being afforded an opportunity to begin a completely “new life”. A life of deeper practices, with complete disconnect from hinderances, and a complete letting go of everything and anyone that interfered with my true purpose. Everything around me was the same but my perspective had shifted drastically. I was afraid and vulnerable and everything that I once knew, was no more. I was tempted to choose comfort and familiarity over change because I desperately wanted to feel safe. It was here that I realized that my healing journey would require that I venture deeper than my grief. My healing journey needed to touch on my childhood, my beliefs, my survival habits, my ego, the constructs surrounding the way in which I viewed myself, and all of my traumas that impact every aspect of my being. Again, all of this was quite frightening to think of initially. But after overcoming a 5-day mental health hospital stay while “out of my mind”, not knowing what would come next, I thought to myself that the only thing that could be worse than sitting with what I now knew/felt and doing some deep-rooted healing, was sitting with it and doing nothing at all, continuing on in the same way. For what is life if we do not strive for truth? A fallacy. What is life if we do not commit to overcoming the circumstances we are born into? In my mind, a waste.

I continue to find the greatest sense of peace and healing in nature, near bodies of water. This summer I ventured on a road trip with my babies, chasing waterfalls and good eats. This was a creek in Asheville, NC where we enjoyed grounding and listening to the sounds of natural water flow and all of nature at work.

And so, I continued my daily meditation practices, venturing into new forms including kundalini and past life meditations. I attended my first retreat without a group of friends with whom I was familiar. I began reading various texts on the subject matters of healing, spirituality, chakras, and trauma. In the spring of 2022, I took things a step further and sought out a therapist for added support through all of this. I was quite specific in my prayers about the type of professional I was seeking. Although I participated in talk therapy in the past, my intentions this time around were very different. I was fortunate to have been connected with a woman and practitioner who embodied much of what I was looking for. Her poise and genuine nature touched my soul in such an unexpected way in a relatively short period of time. She is someone new in my life who has guided me into deeper self-reflection and the rebuilding of my life; a compassionate soul whose skills are allowing us both to witness years-worth of transformation happening week after week.

I recently awoke with a desire to share this part of my story for a number of reasons. From my personal experiences, I truly understand how difficult it can be to jumpstart one’s healing voyage when afraid, carrying heavy burdens, feeling unsure of where to start, or when not surrounded by supports/acquaintances on a similar path. So, I share my story as an example of where and when my current path began. I also continue to share my hardships because I repeatedly find gems and beauty in life processes that are downright ugly. That for me is both growth and a blessing… one of the biggest rewards in all of this. I live more and more in a space of peace and gratitude as I progress along my path. Not because things in my life are perfect; not because I live my life without flaw; not because my reality is exactly as I have dreamed it. But because I now possess greater clarity to see that the person I was yesterday, is different from the person I am today. I see tremendous growth from things that once hindered me. I now face things that I ran from in the past, with grace and bravery. And that gives me hope. Hope that I do not have to simply exist, survive, and accept what I was born into. Hope that I can design the life of my dreams with boundaries and safety, speaking life into all that I want, embracing all that I am, and surrounding myself with people and things that uplift me. I feel anew with this level of acceptance and understanding. It is something in my life worthy of celebrating. And before I share a little more about this new version of me, it’s only fitting that I formally introduce the new me. Hi, my name is Tanisha (Tea) Pakanayeva. I’m a resilient soul unapologetically me, who is hopeful, healing, and finding greater happiness every day.

Meditation and waterfalls in Indianapolis, summer 2022
Their little eyes are always watching… Abe copying and Bree capturing. I strive to make them proud!
Outdoor meditation, West Virginia, summer 2022

Embracing the way in which my healing journey has taken me deeper than my grief, has brought me closer to the woman that I know I am destined to be. It is somewhat unfortunate that through the greatest loss of my life, I learned so much about myself, but I accept it. I have uncovered things that have freed me, things that I am no longer ashamed of, things that no one can hold above me because I have committed to facing all of my own stuff head on. This new version of me is one that I have hoped to find all my life. I am empowered, I am powerful, and I am a symbol of change. And with change comes discomfort. Sadly this new version of me now leaves some in a place of discord because I cannot and will no longer try to fit certain molds. And to that discontent I say may we be thankful for the memories and move forward making new ones on different paths. This new version of me allows me to be all that I need to be for myself without seeking out a crutch or a savior to protect me from what is painful. I can commit to being a better mother to my children who are two souls who deserve this growth and elevation of me more than anyone. And altogether, I know that this new walk in my power, with continued transparency about my struggles and triumphs will serve to light the torch for someone inspired by my journey to know that they can begin theirs too.

Two books that have captivated my attention over the last few months

There is no official guidebook to healing and if there is anything that I can say as words of advice, it would be go deep. Leave nothing unturned. Be brave. Do it with your all or don’t. This is how I commit to continue chugging along on this ride, ready for a restart or revision whenever necessary. Thank you for following!

I dedicate this write to my spiritual tribe who has given me a sense of belonging on a flight that has at times felt so lonely; to my children who give me my greatest hope to keep going every day; to my daughter and best friend who through thick and thin loves me unwaveringly and who is open to finding truth together; to my friends who consistently make room for me in their lives giving me opportunity to navigate this difficult road with love, compassion, and support; and to my dearest love and late husband Ilya who dedicated what he could to loving me like no other during his time here, before I truly learned what it was to love myself. Thank you! I am forever grateful to you all.

I hope that this piece has touched the heart of at least one. May we commit to our individual healing daily and never lose sight of true purpose. Until my next write, love and light to the world.

xoxo,

Tea

And if I do not set out to accomplish anything else in this life, becoming their mother was my greatest accomplishment of all. A’Bree Inez and A’Brahm ILian, I love you with all of me.

Liberated By My Truth

I turned 33 this year in May and spent my day at my favorite vineyard in Lexington, NC. It was a birthday outing that I now see as truly symbolic. The last year for me has been like the aging of fine wine… with time, a maturity and quality that is grand.

This write is one that holds a power unlike any other piece that I have ever written before. A power very deeply connected to things within me and about my life journey that have played a part in shaping me into the person that I learned to be. Over the last two years, I have committed myself to a new path of growth and healing since losing the love of my life. I embarked on this journey during a time where I felt quite lost and in need of finding out who I am meant to be at this time in life. This path has required me to look inward, upward, and outward. And the outcome has included significant realizations about self, my past, my relationships, and my future. Realizations that I am beyond grateful for. I have found the greatest liberation from my healing journey although it has at times been one of the hardest things that I have ever had to commit to. Today I write to share a little more about my truth as it relates to deep reality testing, assessment of relationships in my life, and breaking unhealthy habits/patterns. I write to express how we can find the greatest freedom in our lives simply by writing our truths; and going even further to challenge those truths through comparison to words and experiences sometimes presented to harm us or create self-doubt. This work is quite unique as it is an entry straight from my mind dump journal, that helped me arrive at a truth that I have prayed for, for some time. The truth that I am not and do not have to be what others wish to mold me into. The truth that my walk in this life may feel like a foreign language to others. The truth that my greatest liberation has come just by me better understanding and accepting me for me.

I recently had an exchange with someone in my life who has struggled to understand me. I never understood the discord but over the years realized that no matter what I said, did in life, or how hard I worked, I’d likely be viewed with a side eye, and viewed as this character foreign to who I know myself to be. In this conversation, I received a breakdown/list of many of the things that this person saw in me. It was shocking and overwhelming but an opportunity to reality test, self-reflect, and grow in the areas where I was falling short. And as I reviewed the list, few things resonated with me. So, I ran to my journal and hoped that in working through things visually and in an engaging way, I could better arrive at what I was missing. I made a chart (the nerd in me couldn’t resist) with two columns: one labeled “their truth about me” and the other labeled “my truth”. I went to work listing and comparing, with my truths noted in many parts as affirmations that I will continue to speak to myself. What I found in the end has left me feeling more empowered and freer than I have ever felt in my life.

My soul always leads me to water to find the greatest peace. It is in nature where I have received the most abundant healing.

This deep reality testing chart from my mind dump journal looked like this:

Their Truth About MeMy Truth
I abandoned my child to be free, to travel, for 5- years For a period of two years of my life, I moved 2hrs way from my first child to obtain higher education. It was a hard sacrifice to make. I cried often and worried at times, but knew it was for a chance to better myself. I took the opportunity to visit as often as I could. I worked hard, enjoyed life as a young college student, and balanced what it was to do so while being a mother.
I prioritized globetrotting over being a mother My babies venture with me mostly everywhere I go. I once enjoyed one vacation to Mexico during the two years that I committed to my master’s degree, while my baby girl was not in my care full-time. I took a trip during one of my spring breaks with friends and loved it. It was for respite. I thought I earned it for working hard. When my daughter moved back in my care, it was “grind” time but after two years we traveled parts of the world together for 10 months in South & Central America and two weeks in our favorite place: The Philippines.
I am disrespectfulI use my voice. I stand up for myself and what I belief is right. I am passionate. I am not perfect. I am principled. I am human.
My significant others gained their acceptanceIn my 33-years, I have had 3 long-term relationships in my adult life. All which came with their own unique challenges and one that shook my world in a crazy way. But nothing that I feel I didn’t manage as best I could or that I allowed to cause problems in the lives of the people I love. My most recent love Ilya Paka was a man who changed my life. He naturally gained the love of most people that he met as the gem that he was. In my eyes, no one did him any favors accepting him. To know him was to love him.
I don’t worry about my childrenI became a stay-at-home & work from home mom because I worry greatly about my children. When away from my littles, I often feel anxious. I think about their future often. I raise them to be close so that in my absence, they have the love and support of one another always.
I complain about everyone I speak up about what bothers me. One of my qualities that I admire is my frank and vocal nature. I don’t allow people to treat me any way they wish. I speak my values and try to outline healthy boundaries. I protect my peace which includes protecting my babies from the actions and words of others that I find harmful.
The care that I select for my children is questionableI trust my children in the care of individuals I can trust. In my absence, my children have experienced things that were harmful while with people I believed I could trust. Today, I forgive myself for this and separate my children from sources of harm.
I am blasphemous I confide in friends and loved ones I can trust, regarding my truth and struggles. They encourage and support me. I return the same. The nature of our conversations are based in truth and real-life experiences. I encourage people to find support in people with whom they feel most comfortable. I encourage friendships and the growing of your own tribe. I speak out against things that are malicious and untrue.
I have no loyalty I refuse to condone what I believe is negative or toxic actions. I am loyal to who and what feels right. I disagree with the idea that status, roles, etc. should exempt people from consequences when they are wrong. I have strong relationships based on love, truth, and loyalty which I am proud of.
I have misconceptions about my life I design my life based on my values and all that I believe to be true. I accept that not everyone will understand my life. I make mistakes as I am not perfect. My life is very much about trial and error. I learn and adjust as I go.
I shut people outI love genuine, loving connections that feel in alignment with who I am. I give people chances. I am social. I thrive off of healthy relations. I enforce my boundaries. I no longer accept things that feel wrong to me.
I use my children as pawnsI dedicate my life and entire existence to protecting my children from harm/potential harm.
There is no perfect person; they are content with their efforts and role in my life… they are excellent. There is no perfect person. Perfection in my opinion doesn’t exist. I don’t strive for perfection. I strive towards greater healing and growth. I am good at certain things in my life. There is always room for me to improve. My best looks different as I grow. I am a work in progress. My excellence will be determined by my higher power, at my end.
Here she is…. my Mind Dump Journal. She allows me to free my mind without prompts. I draw, doodle, write deep entries, and just go where my heart leads me. It has been a transformative process and mind dumping is a process that I began about two years ago and have since taught the art to the women whom I work with.

Wooooh! Processing and working through this conversation took grace and bravery. I received the message, realized the reality that I would destroy myself working to ever gain the understanding of this person in my lifetime, and I set the burden free. I mediated, connected with my tribe, ugly cried, and now I carry on… continuing to process all of this and ultimately work through what I feel now. In my journal I wrote:

“Wow! Finding truth is liberating. It sometimes takes a lot of work and deep reality testing. This entry has freed me in a way that I never imagined.”

Tea Pakanayeva- in my journal title “A Journey to a Better Me Through the Art of Mind Dumping”

This process for me was necessary to work through the bounds of a relationship that has played a significant role in my life and influenced me in ways both good and bad. I share my approach to freeing myself from this bond to offer hope and inspiration to someone else out there. Self-doubt is often times the result of things that we are told about who we are. In not being able to see what others see in us, we can sometimes fall into dark places of despair. But today I encourage you to rise above this as difficult as it may sometimes feel. Remind yourself of who you are, your purpose, and what you commit yourself to, daily. Free yourself from things and people not in alignment with your highest self. Find simple activities such as meditation, journaling, and genuine affirmations to help you find your way and elevate. Turn to resources such as coaching and counseling as your find your truth. Your truth will always set you free. Sending an abundance of love and light to my tribe out there today, doing the work of deep deep healing. Keep pushing… liberation is so close.

I dedicate this write to my beautiful children A’Bree Inez (13) and A’Brahm Ilian (4). Thank you for your unconditional love. I commit to being a better of myself not only for me but for us. Love Mama ❤

Be well in these uncertain times friends, until next time….

xoxo,

Tea

Millennial Mom

Unpublished Gems: Why I Stopped Sending My 8-year old to “Daycare”

Bree all dressed and ready for school… looking her best and shining bright, September 2017

Yet again, it has been months since I blogged last. I’ve lacked time, inspiration, and ideas of what to share here on my blog. Despite this, I I love what I started 5 years ago here on Millennial Mom and want to get back to writing and sharing my life story more consistently. I am working on new content now and have decided that in the interim, I will share my folder of drafted pieces with my followers before I release a write that is more in line with what has transpired in my life recently. This series of posts will be titled Unpublished Gems. In honor of my baby girl who truly isn’t a baby anymore, and who will be a teenager in just a few short weeks, I am publishing this article that I drafted 4 years ago. It’s dusty and quite dated however, I hope that it will resonate/inspire one of my readers. So here it goes!

Where did my baby go? 13 in just a few weeks. Parenting is the one thing in my life that has shown me that time waits for no one.

The cost of childcare these days is close to a college tuition. But when you’re a full-time working parent with limited support, sometimes you just have to accept that cost. I was fortunate for many years to have free childcare from 7:15am to 6:00pm, Monday thru Friday. Yup that’s right… FREE. Who could pass up that offer? You’d be surprised to know that I accepted that deal for a short time before I gave it up. Now before you conclude that I’m a crazy person for doing such a thing, listen to my story and reasoning for why.

My daughter’s daycare was located at P.S. 377 in Brooklyn, New York on the second floor. I would drive 40 minutes with traffic to drop her off in the morning, after a 5:30am wake-up. I’d then hustle to work fighting more traffic then race against the clock, in even more traffic at 4:30pm to make it back to my baby just before 6:00pm. Once back at home, it would be about 7pm and mama was completing household duties, homework, and work for clients. I would have a two-hour window to make dinner, lunches for the following day, tidy the house, get a shower, and spend time with “mini me”. Now I’m sure after reading up to this point you have two big questions. So let me answer one that you may have which is how did I balance such a hectic schedule? The answer is by the grace of a higher power who loves me dearly. I literally sacrificed my health and sleep to keep up with this lifestyle. But who was it benefiting? My apartment management company who I gave away the majority of my salary to; or the creditors and loan companies that I owed; or my utility companies? That’s not really the problem here as I entered those agreements and fully accepted the responsibility. The problem is why wasn’t my “mini me” and the care providers who looked after her for almost 12-hours per day, benefiting just as much? That never sat well with me and one day I told myself that something had to change. After consulting with an “expert” I agreed that I was not going to send my daughter to daycare anymore.

By now you may be on to the point that I’m making. My reference to “daycare” is not speaking of the typical daycare that you first think of when you hear the word (I will also note now that the “expert” I consulted with was my daughter). Daycare for us became my daughter’s school. Before I move on, let me be clear that my point-of-view is in no way demeaning teachers or school systems! I instead wish to highlight my believe that a huge burden placed on teachers in America; some of the most under paid professionals in our society who bare the greatest responsibility. In addition to this point, I write this post to share my reasoning for why I could no longer allow my little to be a part of the traditional school system. Now moving right along…

How could the most important person in my life be in receipt of so little of my time? Every other entity in my life was given more of my energy and resources than she was. People have argued that as a working mom, I was affording my daughter everything that she needed and that was the benefit for her in our situation. However, after traveling and world-schooling for a short time, I realized that the life that I afforded us in the states was not what we needed at all. In fact it was my want… my desire to keep up with one way of life when there are many other ways. This want lacked consideration of all the small things that truly make life special. When I finally realized this, minimalism and unorthodox living became a huge thing for me. We were going to do more with less in unique ways that were fitting for us, and refocus our lives on what really mattered most: our happiness, quality time, memories, and family. We strongly believed that homeschooling and child-led learning would afford us just that.

I ultimately decided to register my “mini me” as a homeschooled student again in 2018 and decided that I would become a stay-at-home mom again. We previously tried this lifestyle out in 2015 and loved it but ended up back at the starting line of the rat race in 2017 (I’ll detail why in another write that pertains to my dearest love Ilya, who I have since lost). We experienced all the pressures of the American Dream and disliked it. We designed a new way of living but later came back to try the accepted dream again, only to find that our sentiments were exactly the same. Instead of complaining about going back to something that clearly was not for us, I made a decision that I am now sticking to. I have established a bill of rights for my family that include my children being my top priority in a way that it shows.

As for me in my household, my children will be the recipients of the majority of my time, energy and resources; their happiness will be a valued genuinely above all else; and I as their mother and guide with a spiritual connection to them from their time in my womb will see them for who they are, assume the responsibility for connecting them to learning opportunities in line with who they are, that will ultimately carry them far in life no matter where their little feet (or a plane) shall take them. I will never preach about what another parent or family should do and I stand firm in demanding that others offer me the same. Even as a professional who has attained “higher education” , I crave more (something different) for my children.

A’Bree’s (12) first day of 7th grade and A’Brahm’s (3) first day of pre-k, homeschool edition, August 2021

As things stand, my littles are in my care daily; happy, learning through culturally rich experiences, and thriving. This lifestyle came with many sacrifices including a great employment opportunity. However, our lifestyle and their futures hold way more value. We will continue on this path until we are routed elsewhere and along the way we will continue to share our story with the world.

Our little family unit! I’m so proud of what we have built and what we have overcome. I know Papa is smiling down on us, proud 🤍

I hope someone was inspired by this piece. I dare you to take a risk and change something uncomfortable in your life. With or without a plan, just have faith. The universe has you!! Stay tuned, until next time…

Xoxo,

Millennial Mom

The Millennial Mom Intentional Living Community; a creative project that came to light during a time of loss

The last two years have entailed me creating opportunities for me to tell my story of struggle and triumph with the goal of touching the life of just one. The opportunities that have come to me through this practice of entering rooms without fear and sharing what I have endured and overcome, have been some of the biggest blessings in my life.

When life gives you lemons….  

Growing up, I interpreted this cliché saying to mean that life could possibly deal you hardship from time to time. With my knowledge today, I understand that life is the lemon! Depending on one’s mindset, you can take that to mean that you are doomed for life or understand that there is so much beauty and sweetness to come out of the most sour circumstances. I choose to believe in the the latter. If you know my story, you understand that seeing life from an optimistic viewpoint has been a huge part of who I am, all my life. If you do not know my story, I hope to share more of it with you starting today; first by telling you that life has never dealt me an easy hand. However, my hardship has never stopped me from achieving great things in my 33 years of living. I accept that my journey has not been the easiest because I understand that it was not designed to be that way. Meditation has allowed me to understand where I come from and has shown me what the universe has in the stars for me. From young, I’ve known that the universe had a big job for me and every day through my pain, I commit to accomplishing my life mission to make my guides and angels proud. Telling my story without fear has been a big part of fulfilling my life purpose, for the last two years, since becoming a widow at 30-years old. Today I pray that in continuing to do so, that I not only touch the lives of others, but that I open doors for myself and my soul tribe to live lives fully aligned with passion and purpose.  

I recently had a business call with a woman who attended one of my seminars at my organization Millennial Women United. The woman contacted me to applaud me for my ability to tell my story. I was honored by this and had to remind myself of the number of times that I tell the members of my organization, the importance of telling our stories. We all have one, they say so much about who we are, and they can take us to new heights so long as we are fearless and shameless enough to share them. The chapter of my life that I am currently in, is full of themes such as grief, abandonment, limited resources, closed doors, opened doors, new friendships, new opportunities, reprograming of my mind, healing, unconventional living to survive, resilience… Shall I go on? The last two years has been a wild mix of things sour and sweet since being forced to live without my husband while raising two children, and trying to move forward with my life. In another write, I will share more in detail about how and why the loss of my beautiful husband Ilya has pushed me deeper onto a path of unconventional living and hustling harder than ever before to make the dreams that I have for my children and my soul tribe, a reality. Today, I simply wish to get the word out about a project near and dear to my heart, so that I may gather the support of believers and a tribe of like minds.  

Since losing my dearest love Ilya, life has greater meaning. I no longer wish to be trapped in the matrix, living according meaningless and outdated ideals. Loss has elevated my soul to a place where I see and understand further beyond that. I instead wish to live a more spiritually fulfilled life doing what I have been called to do, where the worries of day-to-day life (bills, full-time work, child-rearing, etc.) do not hinder or distract me from my calling. For the last three years, it has been my dream to begin an intentional living commune where myself and residents can live in unity, support one another, and focus more on minimalist ways of living to foster deeper connections to self, soul, and earth. I have witnessed how capitalist societies makes such a practice nearly impossible and I commit my life to changing that. I also understand how the current economy has created challenges for people to live enjoyable lives. Homelessness, unemployment, and compromised health due to stress are a few stressors that I hope to alleviate for others. I firmly believe that the culture and lifestyle that could be established through my project the Millennial Mom Intentional Living Community will help to bring about significant changes in these areas of life, for many.

Where things stand now, I am seeking to organize, plan, and fundraise for this communal living project. Life at the Millennial Mom Intentional Living Community would help residents in numerous ways, maintain quality lives through the regular practice of holistic principals. Spirituality will be at the core of everything practiced within this community.   The Millennial Mom Intentional Living Community will be a place that prioritizes social cohesion, homeschool/Worldschooling, outdoor learning and exploration, spiritual elevation, holistic health, gardening, farming, meditation, and so much more. Funds raised from supporters will be used towards a land purchase, tiny home and modular home purchases, development of community spaces, resources for the community, and more. I hope to soon identify individuals interested in living and collaborating in such a community; identify supporters and funders; brainstorm locations to begin this project; and begin the fundraising process. It is my goal to launch this community in the next 4-5 years or sooner.

If what I have shared with you, interests you, please donate to this cause, share this project with those closest to you, complete the current questionnaire noting how you wish to be involved and connect with me if you have an interest to be a bigger part of this collaboration. When life gives us lemons, we can become hopeless because of the hand that we were dealt or find ways to rise above, get creative, and create something beautiful. I am doing just that with this project and seeking a powerful team to join me!  

Fun Fact: While hosting a meeting for this venture in October of 2022, at Optimist Hall in Charlotte, NC, I had the opportunity to meet one of my favorite artists up close and personal. Machine Gun Kelly is someone who my late husband and I would bump to in the car all the time and experiencing his energy in person was one of the greatest feelings and something that I took as a sign that something great is the horizon.

Sending an abundance of love and light. Until next time…

xoxo,

Tea

@amillennial_mom

The Day a Stranger Fed My Soul: feedback from a follower

e571f489-2326-44dd-9582-64c8e3741c16

Why is it that we learn the most about a person’s impact on the world after they die? I started to think more and more about this following the death of rapper Nipsey Hussel. To be honest, I had no clue about who he was prior to his death. I only knew who he was after my cousin told me the news and referred to him as “Lauren London’s boyfriend”. Then for weeks as the world prepared to say their last goodbyes to Hussel, I witnessed how many people were truly touched by/mourning his death; celebrities and common-folk alike. I also learned about all of the amazing things that he did for his community and I was inspired. Now this piece is not at all about the latest news in Hip-hop culture. It is however, about the need for us as a people to tell our friends, our loved ones, or even a stranger how they touch our lives… while they exist with us here on earth. This was my experience twice in the past week (this happened in April) where I was on the receiving end of feedback. First happening during a “catch-up” date with a dear friend. My friend opened up to me about the way she viewed me and how I inspired her, and I cried. Hearing what she felt about me was different, a little uncomfortable, and heartwarming all at the same time.

And here’s my gal Nicole… or Kneecole as I often call her. A close friend of many years whom I’ve shared the realest chats with. She can be a little on the shy side so I hope she doesn’t mind me sharing her with you. But she’s been a great support to me for many years, during my toughest times, and I’d scream it from a roof top lol 💙 This is us mingling with the locals on a girls trip in Belize, Fall 2018.

Following the date with my friend, I asked myself why I felt any discomfort during our chat. After all we have been close friends since childhood. I came to realize that I felt weird about receiving positive feedback because I don’t get such genuine recognition enough. I also cried because my friend’s words spoke to my soul and in summary told me to keep pushing because I was doing something right. For some time I have asked mother universe, what is my purpose? who do people understand me to be? and what mark will I leave on the  world when my body leaves this earth? Very deep questions, I know but I cannot carry-on in this life without confirmation. And my interaction with my friend was just that. Recently, mother universe again sent me what I asked for…. soul food and feedback; coming by way of a complete stranger in my inbox. The writer wrote:

Tanisha,

I just read your latest post and you are amazing. I first read one of your posts around 2 years ago. I was at one of the lowest points in my life. At that point I had been teaching for about 18 years. I loved the children I taught for years, and for years that kept me there. Then my job started affecting my life and my parenting. One morning when I was really feeling helpless I read your blog about giving everything up and traveling with your daughter. It gave me hope.

Through all my years (in our hometown), I knew your dad. It took me awhile to make the connection. When I saw his picture with your daughter the other day I figured out you were his daughter. Through my 18 years I would see your dad and he always spoke of you. He was always so proud of you and your accomplishments. The year I read your blog I started therapy and gained enough confidence to look for another job after 18 years. I ended up getting a position I love, 6 minutes from my house. I am happy and love my profession again. One day, my son was running a (track & field) meet. I saw your dad and we caught up for awhile. I told him I was looking for a job and he was talking about you and when you used to run. He cheered so loudly for my son that day and my son ran his best race ever. He never reached that time again. I have thought of that day and of you so often through the years. You do not know me, but just know that your words, confidence, and risk taking has made me make huge changes in my life. Thank you for that. I admire your courage!! I also wanted you to know how proud of you, your dad has always been.”

Receiving this message made my week and changed my life. It told me to keep going and so I shall. I end this post with a special message to my friends, family, and followers: tell the people around you what they mean to you! If you have a meaningful experience with a stranger, let them know. We are here for reasons greater than what we think and our interactions with one another help to bring clarity regarding our strengths and the paths that we should travel in life. Our gifts are made to touch others in a special way. What we do or should be doing should be for reasons other than recognition or financial l gain. Here on Millennial Mom, I share my gift of writing and coaching with you. I encourage you to journey through life with purpose! And be true to yourself and that purpose. And last, I advise you not to show up to my funeral crying and carrying on about what I meant to you, if you never told me while I’m here… I’ll call you out lol. I hope someone enjoyed this write. Let me know your thoughts by dropping a comment. Stay tuned and until next time…

Xoxo,

Millennial Mom

“Get a House and Grow Your Roots”: A “gypsy” woman’s response to criticism

Rare that you see a woman of color and her miniature belly dancing on a beach right? But yes this is us! So much about us makes us such a rare bunch 💙

“Your family is like a gypsy family… no school, moving here moving there. Get a house! Grow your roots in one place” she said to me. The former statement was such a compliment to me and I immediately lit up when I heard it. The latter was the worst advice anyone could have given me, but it was understandable considering the source. Only the people who truly know me would understand why. If you have been a follower of Millennial Mom and have been keeping up with the changes I have made in my life, you know why too.

The words the woman said to me went in one ear and out the other. I felt sad for her! That although leaving her home country full of culture years ago to migrate here to the states (to find whatever she was seeking), she ultimately stopped seeking and became complacent with following the norm. Chasing money, working long hours at one job, finding little time to vacation, and accumulating large debt to live a dream that many of us are not privileged to comfortably live. For most people, this routine is the only way to live. And many people do it with or without complaint; I respect and commend the people who have chosen to live this dream. Then there are those of us who struggle and need a more sensible way to live. For me, this routine derails me from my ultimate goals and dreams. Goals and dreams that I’m repeatedly questioned about and sometimes criticized for having. So I write this post to share why I’m committed to living Tea’s Dream opposed to the one that we often refer to as the American Dream (abbreviated here as AD). And sharing how I often respond to the tough critics who simply do not get it.

Thus far in my life, I’d say I’ve come very far and accomplished a great deal. At one point, I was on the path of living this AD and was very much in agreement with it. Then one day I began to question why we strive for this one dream even when it makes life that much harder for some of us. When pondering this, I was specifically focusing on our practice of assuming large debt for higher education, the purchase of homes that will take long years to pay off, and for the purpose of buying/leasing vehicles. My thoughts initially began following a trip abroad. I remember traveling to the Philippines and being invited by our Tuk-Tuk (a motorized bike taxi) driver to his house. I was shocked to see what the driver and his family called home and I immediately felt bad for them. I didn’t want to accept a drink or the snacks that they offered us, fearing that they may not have had enough for themselves. The driver noticed my reluctance to take what he and his family were offering and then politely taught me something. He reminded me that “mini me” and I were his guests, told me that he was delighted to offer us refreshments, and said that the Philippines is not like America where his sister is a nurse. He stated that “we have much less and we are happy too”. I have since replayed this exchange in my head for the last three years because the meaning and the lesson in this conversation is so deep. Based on what I walked away with, I am constantly evaluating my life and the things that I choose to value.

Prior to shifting my focus toward a new way of living, the AD was something that I valued greatly and it was something that I was determined to achieve. My dedication started in the area of education. My education has always been important to me as I understood early on, how it would impact my ability to sustain the lifestyle that I wanted. Because of this, I was sure to take it serious from the very beginning. I finished high school in great standing and immediately went on to college despite hardship (read about it here). I knew exactly what I wanted to study and planned for it. One thing that I didn’t think through completely was the expense to obtain higher education, especially at the graduate level; and how this would impact me after completion of my degree. This topic isn’t one thoroughly addressed in school either so if you’re not learning this at home or on your own, you learn the hard way later on. But that’s a topic for a different post. Anyhow, I was fortunate to be a recipient of over $60,000 in scholarship funding which made my education affordable. However, practicum hours (3,000 plus) and maintaining the cost to live in NYC while completing my degree and work experience requirements, as a single mother, required me to secure loans to stay afloat. Luckily, the full cost of my education was covered.

Graduating with my M.A. in Forensic Mental Health Counseling from CUNY John Jay College of Criminal Justice, May, 2014.

After completing school and advancing my career, I started working to pay off loans while managing the expense of rent, my vehicle, childcare, and other bills. After a while I began to ask myself “is this life? Is this what I’m expected to do for the rest of mine? And for people like myself who are far from financial wealth, how do you comfortably make this work?” So I began plucking the brains of the people in my life who I believed to have responsibly done it; people I looked up to as good examples. Sadly, the advice I was given took me in a circle and I was right back where I started with the same questions. “New home buyer programs, leasing vs. financing, and repayment plan options” for loans were things I was told to consider. I was already aware of these things and was expecting much better advice. I ultimately decided that instead of looking outward for answers as I often tend to do, I was going to flip things and reverse it (yes I sang Missy Elliot “work it” as I wrote that). I was going to look inward, see what I needed, realize what I could live without, better understand what would make me happy at the end of this life, and change my life’s trajectory. I was going to begin moving according to a new plan that took all of these things into consideration. And so I did! You can read more about the specifics of my journey if you haven’t already, throughout my blog posts including:

Our Road to Happiness: finding an alternative way

Journey to Tiny House Living: moving from one box to another? … Why?

A New Life Aligned: Meditation and Travel

Our Home… Her School: homeschooling for us

Major changes that I made related to the things at the core of the AD…. my job, my home, and the education that I afforded my daughter. I drafted a plan where we would end our expensive life in one place and instead take on a more affordable life in multiple places (countries). We would spend less time apart for the purposes of learning and working to do so while together, moving at our own pace, according to what was right for us as a family and as individuals. And I recently factored in saving to buy an unconventional home (a tiny house) outright to eliminate the debt and commitment that comes with the purchase of a traditional home, and the senselessness that exists by renting a home that will never be ours. With the amount of research, pros and cons lists, and exploration that I put in prior to setting these goals, I often feel confident with my decisions and plans. In addition, I have always believed that my resilience, hard work, and dedication to my life success have proven my ability to make the most challenging situations into something polished. Although these are my sentiments, it’s not something that everyone can see. And because of this, I often feel pressured to explain and respond to tough criticism regarding my life plans, although I understand that I don’t have to.

“No traditional school for your child? No 9-5 job? No plan to purchase a traditional home? Extended travel for months at a time?” These are some of the questions I’m often asked with pre-judgment, from those inquiring. I was once told that my plans and lifestyle are “careless” and “irresponsible”. The only reasoning I was provided was because there is “no stability and foundation” for my family based on my plans. And for the longest time I thought about these two concepts: stability and foundation and how subjective they are. From person to person, these things have different meanings. From person to person, our needs, wants, and circumstances all differ. So we should therefore strive to attain whatever it is that satisfies these things for us individually. As much as I believed in the past, that this is what most people do, I learned otherwise during the course of answering questions and responding to criticism about my practices. I started to feel as if I was viewed in a negative light for wanting to live an alternative lifestyle with benefits for my entire family. And this was quite bothersome because people have provided me little support for why they believe what I am striving for to be so careless. Thankfully such feedback hasn’t changed my mind about what I hope to accomplish and I am grateful for these conversations.

I have engaged in numerous talks (many happening thanks to my shares here on Millennial Mom) where I have clarified many misconceptions regarding some of my family practices such as homeschooling, extended travel, and journeying to live tiny. I have given many people something to think about and have received great responses … even from complete strangers. In addition to the many other things that I value, such dialogue is important to me. As I constantly evaluate my practices vs. my purpose (blog post coming soon) I hope to encourage others, and stimulate more independent thinking and living.

In my 30- years (I just celebrated another year on 5/22), here’s what I have discovered. As a people we’ve gotten too accustomed to following an outline, the majority, or the norm; being told what to think and how; feeling pressured to live a particular lifestyle out of fear, straying away from doing our own searching, and failing to truly follow what our hearts want. In my counseling work and personal life, I see this pattern too often. I repeatedly learn about the dreams that people wish they followed, why they didn’t, and the mistakes they made. Pressure from parents, desire to please the spouse, need to comfort the kids… all common responses I’ve heard about reasons dreams and plans got away from people on particular paths. I’m eager to not make this my life as I value maintaining genuine happiness and persistently attaining new knowledge much more than following what society believes is right for me. I am dedicated to navigating life’s journey according to my purpose. So I have regular check-ins with my heart and present my findings to my brain. Recently after doing so, I had to ask myself a series of questions to see just where I stand in relation to tho AD.

This clean illustration by lawyer and cartoonist Victor Chew captures how I view the AD oh too well!!! @victorexpat IG

Is it responsible to purchase a home or car that I’ll have to work and pay for, for a significant part of my life? Maybe

Is this something I could do? Yes, miserably and uncomfortably

Is this something I want to do? Absolutely not.

Is it considered “living” to me if I settle in one place, commit to working for 40 plus years at job to secure retirement and pay for material things? Not At All!!!

Here’s why:

In my life I hope to continue making as many countries in the world, our home! I’d rather pay for my children to live like royalty at a price that leaves me feeling content rather than fearful. I wish to eliminate the stress from my husband, of having to work long hard hours just to cover our basic expenses. I will live and love in a space that provides just what my family needs at a cost that allows me to make greater investments… like the purchase of farmland that my daughter asked me about, one year ago where we will one day park a tiny home and grow what our stomachs and hearts desire. I yearn for the freedom to go where my heart leads me and where the universe calls me without any burdens to hold me back. All of this is for the purpose of our genuine happiness that I first wrote about at the start of Millennial Mom. And that comes with making more memories minus all the materials, seeing new places, people, and cultures, and continuing to find peace in our minds and body, in nature. Today I’m just praying for my family’s continued faith that there is more than one way, and their understanding that the universe always has our backs. I’m far from crazy, or lazy, or careless. I’m simply trying to help my family grow without sacrificing the things that mean the most.

So the the masses that say, “grow your roots”, my roots are grounded! My trunk is grown, my branches are in place… just wait for the twigs and leaves/flowers to come. They will be a beauty and with the seasons they will change 🙏🏾. (As if I don’t have a enough to do, I am in the process of painting an oil on canvas piece as self-therapy, that I’ll call Tea’s Tree. I will share in a future post when I’m finished so look out for that.) And the people who see me as a “gypsy”, I’m flattered, thank you!

It felt good sharing this with my readers. I hope you take away the message that not everyone is going to get you. But don’t let that hinder you from doing you. We all know what’s best for us and although our choices may not always reflect that, they are things that we must live with and learn from 💙. If this post gave you a thought, or inspiration, drop a comment or emoji below (I love them). Have questions, advice, or feedback? Let a mama know. Until next time…

Xoxo,

Millennial Mom

“Instead of buying your children all the things you never had, you should teach them all the things you were never taught. Material wears out but knowledge stays” – Bruce Lee

Before Millennial Mom, the Story I Never Told You: scar on my mind

“Is there a reason why you don’t like yourpart on the right side? “Yea because of this ugly scar… you may not notice it but it bothers me”

After an amazing weekend with friends and family, and a soul refreshing day with two great friends on Friday, the idea of family and the significance of an individual’s personal story has again been heavy on my mind. This blog post related to my story and family has been a draft for several weeks now. I was simply waiting for the right time to publish it. Following the week that I’ve had, now feels just right. Before I jump in and tell you how family and my story connect, I must mention like I’ve done in past posts, just how amazing the universe is! You put things out there and what you put out comes back to you full circle. I’m always so amazed by this law of attraction and don’t know that I’ll ever not be surprised by it. I’ve recently been asking God for my family’s collaborative effort in rebuilding bonds and this was my exact experience this month. I reconnected with several family members whom I’ve shied away from in very interesting ways (a post for another day) and so far it’s been great. I do not believe in coincidences and know for a fact that this was the universe giving me what I need and asked for. Now moving right along to what I really came to share.

My “mini me” fishing for the first time with my dad 💙

Me and my “little” cousin, who sparked a deep conversation with me one night at a party, about the importance of family and letting go of the past. I love you Rach 💙

Recently I thought about my personal story and the story that I have shared thus far on Millennial Mom. From what I’ve told here, I have given the world a small picture about who I am as a young mother, new wife, blogger, business-minded woman, homeschooling parent, traveler, and millennial all about an unorthodox lifestyle. However, it was after talking to my barber during my bi-weekly hair cut (stayed tuned for my upcoming series Millennial Mom Glam: I am not my hair) last month, that I realized that I barely touched on the story of my life/significant experiences before I became a mom, in any of my work here on MM. I am not sure why this is but in my journey to inspire, this part of my life cannot be omitted! My life story is one that many of my readers would be surprised to learn because of the product that they see me as today. I’m far from the finished product that I hope to become and commit to growing every day. On this journey that I’m currently on, I dedicate myself to sharing more of my story before Millennial Mom; one with important lessons that any reader (male, female, young or old) can learn from. So let me take you back a little bit to one of thee most challenging times in my life. A time when I was physically and emotionally weak, infantile, and in pain with so much more on my mind… my senior year in high school.

Me on the day that I interviewed with Project Dream Foundation 🙏🏾

Yes I was once a cheerleader but track and field was what I excelled at!

My senior year in high school was hands down a struggle for me. It had nothing to do with my grades or performance because I was always sure I worked hard to receive nothing less than a B; I graduated school with a 3.8 GPA. It was not because I was lost and uncertain about my next move; colleges were lined up and I was 100% certain about my career path. In fact, I am now working in my field of study and love it. My struggle wasn’t due to friendships as those were on point and I had a small circle of girls who I frequented the mall with, had dinner dates with, and attended school functions with. Those same girls are my closest friends today. I was a scholar athlete and school musician and for the most part I loved my school life. Out of the two places where typical 17-year olds spend the most time (home and school), I felt right at home in school. However, home for me didn’t feel like home at all. While the friends I knew were enjoying the fact that the day that we all had been waiting for was drawing near, I had other things on my mind. My family life was “different” for reasons that I won’t disclose now. (As I continue on the road to rebuilding some broken relationships, I will keep the nature of some family issues private). As a result of this, I spent my senior year living with relatives and working very hard to be sure that I would be able to survive after school ended. I wasn’t in regular contact with either of my parents during this time; particularly my mother. Because of this, one of my worries was how I was going to pay for college. This gave me great anxiety. And there were smaller problems on my list of issues which were bigger than the issue of where college funds would come from. One of those “smaller” issues being that I had not seen my doctor for a year. Another of them being that I suffered from chronic migraines and I took Excedrin as if it were candy. However, I spent the year just dealing with those problems because to me they were minor and I wanted to focus on the bigger one.

In April of senior year, the best news came to me. I would be able to pay for college as I was the recipient of several scholarships totaling over $65,000 (to be blogged about another time). One of those scholarships came from an organization called Project Dream Foundation. I was published in the local newspaper after being selected for this award. Another award came from Burger King which posted a picture of me in our local chain, and another from my father’s worker’s union. The day I learned this news, my mom reached out to me while I was at school. We planned to visit with each other that week. When we got together we talked for hours and I brought up my persisting migraines. My mom immediately made me a doctor’s appointment. Following the appointment I was scheduled for an MRI. After the MRI, results that were slated to come back in a week came back in a day. I was asked to come back for further testing and it was ultimately found that I had a small brain tumor on my cerebellum. This was heartbreaking news for me with prom and graduation approaching. I was scared, very sad and not sure what this meant for my future. I met with a neurologist who advised that the best thing to do was operate being that I was experiencing symptoms including the migraines and problems with coordination. My surgery was scheduled for the day following graduation. At the appointment I was shocked and it took a few days to absorb what I learned. How would I finish the school year strong knowing this? What did this mean for my college plans? I was unsure about everything and depressed…

And now I’m in tears as I write this so please stay tuned for pt. II. Until next time…

Xoxo,

Millennial Mom

A picture of me in the local newspaper from an insert about the Octet I played in outside of school.

Journey to Tiny House Living: moving from one box to another? … Why?

This plaque matches my sentiments regarding tiny house living 💙

If you’re a close family member or friend, you already know about my obsession with the latest Tiny House Movement. If you’re a follower of Millennial Mom, you may have only read a brief mention of our plan to live tiny elsewhere on our blog. Whomever you are, you’re probably wondering what’s with this movement? why a family of four would take on this lifestyle? and how we plan to accomplish it? So this series titled Journey to Tiny House Living will explain just that; starting with why we want to leave our small and expensive apartment in New York City to purchase a small home on wheels. So here’s why we are planning to make the leap from one “box” to another.

The tiny home we are obsessed with… the Mt. Bachelor designed by Tiny Mountain Houses. Click on the image to see more about this jem!

And I’m obsessed with the interior design of this tiny home found online 😍

After traveling abroad for seven months with only a 70L backpack, I became obsessed with the idea of minimalism which for me is the art of making the most out of life with less. Before heading overseas, I gave up everything that I owned for a small price and all I had left was clothing; much of which I packed and took abroad with me. While we were on the road, I felt so free knowing there was nothing back home hindering me from genuinely enjoying my experience. Not a subleased apartment in Brooklyn, not a monthly storage fee, not an expensive mortgage…. nothing! When it came to materialistic things, all I had to worry about was my backpack. I was happy that the money we earned and worked so hard for, could be put towards making memories and doing what my little family loved. (Feel free to read more about our extended travel journey and how we financed it in my post on Budget Travel).

Preparing to travel and this is all that I took with me… it was still too much!

Fast forward to today, sadly we are right back to where we were prior to taking on a traveling lifestyle. We returned home from extended travel initially with a plan of working for six months and then getting back on the road. However, so much changed and that did not happen. You can read about what changed for us and why we put traveling on hold in Exciting News & Travel Blues. In summary, we allowed family opinions to sway us into securing an apartment again (worse decision ever). We committed to full-time jobs instead of temp ones as we planned. I put “mini me” back in school. Living in a city where “keeping up with the Jones” is a BIG thing, we lost sight of why we started practicing a minimalistic lifestyle to begin with. We relapsed and starting spending again. Wardrobes became a priority along with filling empty space in our apartment. Dinners and events with friends, a new outfit for every occasion, and a bunch of pointless nonsense was our practice again. Well I should be honest and say was my practice again. Much of this was my behavior and not my husband’s. He simply became a slave to work again while I was guilty of all the other consumerist practices.

My closet today… although neat, it’s a problem that needs tidying up!

Now the universe is teaching me a lesson. Each time I open my closet I experience anxiety and guilt. Each time we want to plan an extended trip, we have to factor in an additional cost of $2,500 to cover rent and utilities while we are away. I’m not happy with how we have failed at our first attempt at minimalistic living but it’s all good. We will try again. This time instead of just putting ourselves in a position to travel backpacker style, we will now work towards our goal of tiny house living. This will put us back to where we need to be and make it much more challenging for us to simply abandon our current lifestyle and come back to it later. We have come up with a list of pros related to tiny house living that will benefit us in so many ways. So here’s why we’re pursuing it.

1. The Cost

Right now what we pay for rent and utilities for our apartment each month is absurd. We are not paying for space as our apartment isn’t that large but instead paying for the location. We are paying towards something that will never be ours and leaving little room to save as much as we’d like. Based on the tiny home we are considering, we will be able to put down a reasonable down-payment, secure a loan with a low interest rate, and pay off the cost within 4-5 years! If you had a choice of paying $2,500 monthly or less than $1,200 monthly (the estimated cost of the monthly loan for our tiny house, the lot rental where we’ll live, and all utilities) which would you choose?

Now a common question that we’ve been asked is what will we do if we no longer want to live in our tiny home or end up not enjoying tiny house living? And we have decided that we will commit to tiny house living for at least 3 years. That’s kind of our leasing period for tiny living. We are locked in for that amount of time and won’t make any major chances until after. If during that time we are unhappy, we will begin planning to purchase an average size home and save to do so. The cost benefit of living tiny will put us in a position to do this.

A follow-up question has been “what will you do with your tiny home if you decide to move into an average size home? And the answer is we will maintain it as a rental property or mother-in-law suite.

The next benefit of going tiny is…

2. Freedom

With a small house on wheels, we have the freedom to travel where we want, when we want. We can go on short or long term trips and not have to worry about an expensive rent or mortgage cost at home. A tiny home can be placed in storage if needed. They have also become popular income properties due to the current public fascination with them. Once we are officially owners, we will take advantage of this and list our home as an Airbnb property whenever we decide to travel.

Tiny house living also gives us the freedom to choose and change where we make our home base. I currently hate living in New York but I am clueless about what states I would love enough to call home. Because of this, my husband and I are not in a position to purchase a home. If we did so and ended up somewhere we did not like, we would bare the burden of selling/renting our home, moving, and taking some losses. Being that my standards and must haves for my future home location are high, I believe it’s wise for us to roam and get an idea of good places for us to live, before we lock down anything.

Another benefit of purchasing a tiny home is…

3. The First Owner Benefit

In customizing our own tiny home, we will be the first people to live and love in it. Based on our current budget, this option would not be available to us if we were purchasing a traditional home. We’d have to buy a home that requires work and put time into completing projects. As much as I love DIY things, that’s not something that I’m interested in doing at this time. My current lifestyle leaves me little room for that. However, a “fixer upper” experience is something that I’d love to share with my family in the future. For now we are excited for the opportunity to plan the building of our tiny home from the ground up.

The last thing that makes tiny house living so appealing to us is…

4. The Motivation it Brings

The concept of tiny house living pushes you to think of doing more in life while living with less. It encourages you to truly live outside of your home and make memories. It reminds you that living with what you need can be comfortable and cozy. And the biggest reminder that it sends to our family is that all we truly need is each other.

I’m excited to work towards this goal with my family. My husband initially thought I was nuts but has since come on board and is looking forward to this journey as well. “Mini me” is super excited and I have been including her in the planning phase of things. We are currently saving for our down payment and researching RV loan options. We will also be visiting tiny home communities starting in March. We have another international travel trip planned and hope to purchase our home sometime in 2020. We will share more about how things are going in the near future, including cleaning out our apartment to prepare for this leap so stay tuned. Until next time…

Xoxo,

Millennial Mom

Are you someone currently living tiny? Are you Interested in tiny living and have questions? Do you have experience with tiny house interior design? Want to tell me what you loved about this post? Simply drop a line in a comments section and subscribe to Millennial Mom ☺️

Will It Be Forever?: 4 unique lessons that year one of marriage taught me

A day I’ll never forget… 1.4.18

My darling husband and I celebrated one year of marriage on January 4th, 2019 and celebrated three years together as a couple on December 27th, 2018. In this time together we have learned a great deal about what married life really is. I can’t speak for my husband but I can definitely say that I had a few things twisted. I write to share some of my misconceptions and enlightenment here. I know I will have many more realizations in the future and will discover more than what I know now. I pray that these lessons prepare me to persevere through everything that comes along with marriage. Before I delve into what year one has been, I ask that my readers with the ability to keep it real weigh in, in the comments to share some tips and “laws to love by” with me. And if not, Becoming Michelle Obama can continue to be one of my guides to marital success🙏🏾.

Learning about the union of a couple I absolutely adore via this read here 🤗

Lesson 1

In 365 days, I came to realize how easy it can be for outside factors to impact a marriage; some of the biggest factors for us being work schedules and family expectations from relatives outside of our household. These two things weighed heavy on our relationship in year one and created a great deal of pressure that didn’t seem to exist before our marriage. I’m not 100% sure as to why this is but I think this added pressure is the result of a new perception that kinda surfaces after marriage. A perception that tells you that in every way, you and your spouse should always be moving in the same direction; should always be on the same page; and should always be working towards the same goal. And when this is not in fact the case, chaos can erupt. But the lesson that I learned as a resolve to this challenge is how to establish and maintain firm boundaries. Boundaries that take into account my husband and I as individuals and boundaries reached after compromise. As we moved through our first year of marriage we quickly learned the importance of partitioning different aspects of our life to keep our union safe from the input, distraction, and pressure of outside factors. However, creating boundaries for the protection and success of our marriage has not been an easy task. On days when things were chaotic, I just wanted to know that what we were experiencing would eventually be ok. This brings me to my next lesson learned…

Love what’s real… and that he is!

Lesson 2

“Misery loves company” but won’t find the company it seeks if the issue at hand is marital trouble. I’m speaking from experience and I’ll elaborate on what I mean. First, let me be clear that this cliche saying does not hold the same meaning here. I was never a miserable wife wishing for the same for someone else. But when challenges would arise in my relationship and I was anxious or worried about what would be (my “misery”), I was seeking some support (the “company”); words from a peer… another wife or newlywed who experienced a similar struggle who could comfort and reassure me. However, such people were nearly impossible to find. What I did find was numbers of people who put on a front and the face of “we don’t have those problems” or any problems at all. People reluctant to discuss the struggles of their own relationships/marriages and people more interested in portraying marriage as “cotton candy in bunny fields” every day (y’all are my inspiration 🙄 NOT). So I found that when going through the trenches, I would not always be so lucky to find support outside of my marriage. Instead, my husband and I had to be that support to one another, work through things we were not happy with, and make the most of life’s lemons which brings me to…

Lesson Three

Live like married life is “cotton candy in bunny fields” every day 😂. Notice I say live here rather than portray, as I did in the previous paragraph where I referenced the perfect marriage pretenders. With lesson three, I’m not saying that I mastered how to be deceitful or an actress when it came to sharing the reality of my marriage. However, I learned to be mindful of all the cute and joy sparking things in my marriage to get through the tough days (can you tell I’ve been watching Marie Kondo in Tidying Up ???). Like on the days when my husband picked up overtime after our baby arrived and I was working from home, trying to prepare dinner, and finish homeschool assignments. I taught myself to remember things like the week prior when he left work early and arrived home with takeout and flowers just because. It was the practice of routinely remembering these sweet and loving gestures that steered rough days in a better direction; and kept me from booting my husband in the head upon his arrival at home whenever he stayed late at work (I love and hate overtime lol). And maybe I had a few things twisted when it came to marital support. Maybe my expectation of finding a supportive peer was unrealistic. However, it’s something that I believe we all need to get through life. The words and encouragement of someone living a similar journey, to remind you that you are not alone. I made it through year one of marriage without much of this kind of support (except for the unwavering support of my mother whom I owe my life) but repeatedly asked God for it. In the midst of seeking support I also said that part of my purpose would be to be one to someone else. So here I am writing. And 10 days into the new year, I found my support… something and someone truly amazing. I’ll share more about what and who I found in a future post but God definitely sends angels and is always right on time. Now on to…

Lesson 4

One of the most important things that I grasped in year one of married life is for hubby and I to be our own inspiration. After learning lessons two and three, I realized that I could easily be misled if I was always seeking “company” and testimony from my peers about their marital life and struggles. Or even looking to social media questioning if picture perfect families ever had bad days. So instead, I regularly reminded myself of my vows (you can read them here: A Promise to My Dearest Love), my relationship goals, and the reason why my husband and I came together as one to begin with. Our story is so unique (you can learn more about it by reading our intro Getting To Know Us) and we need to continue to write it to be just that without replicating what other people have done or are doing. In the act of writing our story, regular communication, planning, and review is necessary; planning of where we hope to be and review of the strides we are actually making.

Will It Be Forever?

With this new knowledge, I sometimes question will it be forever? Do we have what it takes to make it? I am unable to say with certainty especially because I do not know God’s plan for my life. However, with where I am today I hope for a forever fairytale with my hubby. And we can only get there by doing the work, one day at a time. I am happy and grateful for my first year of marriage which has better equipped me to journey towards year two. So much has changed for my husband and I since day one but the two things that have remained the same are our love for each other and dedication to our relationship. We have faced some unique challenges that most newlyweds typically don’t experience. However, we survived 1,120 days together including year one as husband and wife, despite the trials we have faced. I’ll one day be ready to share in detail more about our struggles but for now that’s not what’s important… how we have conquered our troubles is. I pray that we strengthen our union as we work towards forever.

I hope someone enjoyed reading this post and was inspired by at least one thing shared here. Remember to drop a line in the comments section whether it be a tip, question, or emoji. I plan to share more about my life as Mrs. Paka in the near future so stay tuned. Until next time…

Xoxo,

Millennial Mom

Our Home… Her School: homeschooling for us

A SAHM’s share about why and how she homeschools/worldschools her eldest child in the state of NY, how she creates a personalized schooling curriculum and routine, and gauges progress.

Click on this image to view my little’s full presentation on what she has learned
The picture above is of my “mini me” giving an end of semester presentation to friends and family, detailing what she has learned so far this year. As a homeschooled student, the opportunities to share and receive feedback with others are limited. So, I help create such opportunities for my little.

A Roman philosopher once said “home is where the heart is”… and if you’re my “mini me” it’s also the place that you call school. The special thing about home for us is that it’s not just just where we currently reside in New York City. Home for our family has been some wonderful places around the world that we have grown to love; places that we learned so much from. Where we are geographically sometimes determines how and what we study, in what places. Our schooling life has been a big topic of interest for people who have met us so, I decided to share why we started this lifestyle and describe what it looks like for us. We happen to be fascinated by the practice of homeschooling and hope to see bigger communities of homeschoolers forming in the near future. At present, we seem to be a small bunch.

Why We Started Schooling at Home

If you have been following our journey, you are well aware of our craving for freedom, simplicity, and a minimalistic lifestyle. We seek this in all avenues of our lives including work and school. For some time, Bree and I toyed around with the idea of homeschooling/worldschooling where we would take on adventure wherever we were and learn through whatever we were exposed to. It has always been my dream to be a stay-at-home mom who schooled my child(ren) and I was thrilled when my daughter one day asked if I could be her teacher. We talked and planned until we were able to make this transition happen in 2016 and now we are living it. What we have found is that we have been freed from long and monotonous school routines and exposed to more rich learning experiences. We have had the opportunity to be in different places, meeting new people, and trying new things which for us is a ton of fun. In addition, we happen to live in a state where homeschooling is legal (unfortunately, some states don’t allow it… womp) so we said yes to testing out this option. We are quickly moving into year three of homeschooling and loving it.

My little lady! So motivated by her persistent eagerness to learn.

There once was a time when I was asking the universe for the dream that I am living now, to come true!

Curriculums? What to Study?

Since we began homeschooling, I have designed my daughter’s schooling curriculum mainly based on topics that she is interested in studying. People often ask how I know what to teach her, how I know if what she’s learning is enough, and how I test her. The answer is threefold. New York State provides basic guidelines for what subjects and concepts should be taught to students based on grade level. This helps me know what subject areas to cover, and what topics are mandatory. However, how and what I use to teach these subjects are up to me and in our family, up to “mini me”. Once I cover required subjects I often expand on what my little learns or expose her to information not taught in traditional school settings. In the past, I secured a curriculum from my daughter’s old charter school and tailored her homeschooling curriculum to what she would be learning if she were in school. However, I focused greatly on her method of learning. I wanted her to choose how she was learning. I leave the “how to” up to Bree as this is where the fun and diversity of learning comes in. I believe learning is most meaningful when it is enjoyed so this is my reason for giving my child such freedom to choose. A’Bree has shown a level of maturity far beyond her years so I trust her to take the lead in this area and guide her when necessary.

In regards to how much she is learning, this is irrelevant in our schooling practice. As people, we are learning at every moment of the day whether we realize it or not. We do not need to be stationary with paper and a pen in hand to learn. Just based on this, I trust that my little is learning enough and our study routine dedicated to learning activities makes me even more confident. We focus more on the quality of what Bree is learning opposed to how much she is learning. We learn for enjoyment, memories, and knowledge… NOT testing! At present, A’Bree does not complete state testing. Her tests are ones that I create but not ones that we learn how to take all year. Instead we learn at A’Bree’s pace and based on her interests and it seems that she absorbs so much more which makes it easy for her to regurgitate what she is learning; whether it be through a presentation, answering questions, or writing. We previously home schooled for one year and then allowed A’Bree to return to school for social reasons. After she was assessed to determine where she was, she was found to be well above her grade level.

A’Bree Says Let’s Study _________!

During the spring months, Bree and I begin planning for the start of homeschooling and what topics/concepts we will study. She has the freedom to choose anything she wants to learn about and my role is to source the teaching materials and guide her. This year she wanted to study primitive technology (she’s a fanatic about this), marine biology, life after death, social issues, dieting and food lifestyles, body movement and flexibility, public speaking, blueprint designs, photography, and Spanish and Russian language. The one subject where she did not have a choice was penmanship. I have made this subject a big part of her schooling routine as handwriting in print and script are very important to me. I’m sure this is not the focus of many millennial moms these days due to technology, and schools don’t practice it either. However, I’m not wavering on this one lol. I created my little’s curriculum by organizing these topics under the umbrella of the mandatory subjects provided by the state. We have been studying different concepts and topics through use of books, documentaries, online materials, and day-to-day activities.

In the past when we were wanders, we had the opportunity to: study flamingos in the deserts of Peru through observation, tour underground caves, interact with South American natives responsible for creating floating islands, hike and tour Machu Picchu, line fish in Bocas del Toro, study the meaning of graffiti style art in Colombia, tour the Mayan ruins in Tulum, learn about economy on a tiny Nicaraguan island, and the list goes on. This year our learning adventure began in New York City and was very much based on things relative to life in the states. In a few days we will be venturing down to the Carolinas to see what history and learning opportunities intrigue us there. Then we will be headed to the Florida Keys to focus on animal and marine life. We will also be making some pretty unique places home/school during our trip including a converted school bus on a farm, a yacht, and tiny house.

A converted school bus accommodation in Homestead, Florida that we will call home for a few days. You can check it out on Airbnb by searching the Luv Bus at Z Button Farm. Or click the photo for the link.

A quaint tiny house on wheels in Miami, Florida that we will call home for a few days. We found this accommodation on Airbnb. Click the image for the link to the listing.

 

Another unique accommodation in the Florida Keys, found through Airbnb. Click image for the link to this listing.

Responsibilities as a Homeschooling Mom

One question that I was recently asked regarding homeschooling is how come I do not get in trouble for keeping my child home from school. I found this question to be comical and interesting but answered honestly. And the answer is, homeschooling is NOT simply keeping your child home from a traditional school setting and doing nothing all day. Homeschoolers are in fact busy learning but in a different way. In addition to learning and teaching, as the parent I am responsible for submitting quarterly reports to my local homeschooling office detailing what was covered during the quarter, how my daughter progressed, and the number of hours she dedicated to learning. This covers me by showing the state that I am affording my daughter an educational opportunity. Quarterly reports also serve as a kind of report card which lets my little know what she excels at and what she can improve on.

Altogether, we are absolutely loving this homeschooling journey. It’s an opportunity to bond and learn together. And as my “mini me” says “what can be better than waking up to your family every day and doing what you love all day? I’m excited for our future homeschooling days and hope to connect with fellow homeschoolers in our home base area or as we roam. We hope to soon attend a worldschooling summit where we’ll connect with other families. If you’re a homeschooling family, drop a comment about where you are and some of your favorite practices. If you are looking to make the shift towards homeschooling, comment what some of your challenges are and let me know if I can assist. I’ll be sure to share more about schooling at home in the future so stayed tuned. Until next time…

Xoxo,

Millennial Mom

Not down with Airbnb yet and looking for more than a hotel stay while traveling away from home? Sign up using my link and earn $40 to use towards your first booking:

https://abnb.me/e/lEOUWKDEbV