leadersoftomorrow – Millennial Mom

Unpublished Gems: Why I Stopped Sending My 8-year old to “Daycare”

Bree all dressed and ready for school… looking her best and shining bright, September 2017

Yet again, it has been months since I blogged last. I’ve lacked time, inspiration, and ideas of what to share here on my blog. Despite this, I I love what I started 5 years ago here on Millennial Mom and want to get back to writing and sharing my life story more consistently. I am working on new content now and have decided that in the interim, I will share my folder of drafted pieces with my followers before I release a write that is more in line with what has transpired in my life recently. This series of posts will be titled Unpublished Gems. In honor of my baby girl who truly isn’t a baby anymore, and who will be a teenager in just a few short weeks, I am publishing this article that I drafted 4 years ago. It’s dusty and quite dated however, I hope that it will resonate/inspire one of my readers. So here it goes!

Where did my baby go? 13 in just a few weeks. Parenting is the one thing in my life that has shown me that time waits for no one.

The cost of childcare these days is close to a college tuition. But when you’re a full-time working parent with limited support, sometimes you just have to accept that cost. I was fortunate for many years to have free childcare from 7:15am to 6:00pm, Monday thru Friday. Yup that’s right… FREE. Who could pass up that offer? You’d be surprised to know that I accepted that deal for a short time before I gave it up. Now before you conclude that I’m a crazy person for doing such a thing, listen to my story and reasoning for why.

My daughter’s daycare was located at P.S. 377 in Brooklyn, New York on the second floor. I would drive 40 minutes with traffic to drop her off in the morning, after a 5:30am wake-up. I’d then hustle to work fighting more traffic then race against the clock, in even more traffic at 4:30pm to make it back to my baby just before 6:00pm. Once back at home, it would be about 7pm and mama was completing household duties, homework, and work for clients. I would have a two-hour window to make dinner, lunches for the following day, tidy the house, get a shower, and spend time with “mini me”. Now I’m sure after reading up to this point you have two big questions. So let me answer one that you may have which is how did I balance such a hectic schedule? The answer is by the grace of a higher power who loves me dearly. I literally sacrificed my health and sleep to keep up with this lifestyle. But who was it benefiting? My apartment management company who I gave away the majority of my salary to; or the creditors and loan companies that I owed; or my utility companies? That’s not really the problem here as I entered those agreements and fully accepted the responsibility. The problem is why wasn’t my “mini me” and the care providers who looked after her for almost 12-hours per day, benefiting just as much? That never sat well with me and one day I told myself that something had to change. After consulting with an “expert” I agreed that I was not going to send my daughter to daycare anymore.

By now you may be on to the point that I’m making. My reference to “daycare” is not speaking of the typical daycare that you first think of when you hear the word (I will also note now that the “expert” I consulted with was my daughter). Daycare for us became my daughter’s school. Before I move on, let me be clear that my point-of-view is in no way demeaning teachers or school systems! I instead wish to highlight my believe that a huge burden placed on teachers in America; some of the most under paid professionals in our society who bare the greatest responsibility. In addition to this point, I write this post to share my reasoning for why I could no longer allow my little to be a part of the traditional school system. Now moving right along…

How could the most important person in my life be in receipt of so little of my time? Every other entity in my life was given more of my energy and resources than she was. People have argued that as a working mom, I was affording my daughter everything that she needed and that was the benefit for her in our situation. However, after traveling and world-schooling for a short time, I realized that the life that I afforded us in the states was not what we needed at all. In fact it was my want… my desire to keep up with one way of life when there are many other ways. This want lacked consideration of all the small things that truly make life special. When I finally realized this, minimalism and unorthodox living became a huge thing for me. We were going to do more with less in unique ways that were fitting for us, and refocus our lives on what really mattered most: our happiness, quality time, memories, and family. We strongly believed that homeschooling and child-led learning would afford us just that.

I ultimately decided to register my “mini me” as a homeschooled student again in 2018 and decided that I would become a stay-at-home mom again. We previously tried this lifestyle out in 2015 and loved it but ended up back at the starting line of the rat race in 2017 (I’ll detail why in another write that pertains to my dearest love Ilya, who I have since lost). We experienced all the pressures of the American Dream and disliked it. We designed a new way of living but later came back to try the accepted dream again, only to find that our sentiments were exactly the same. Instead of complaining about going back to something that clearly was not for us, I made a decision that I am now sticking to. I have established a bill of rights for my family that include my children being my top priority in a way that it shows.

As for me in my household, my children will be the recipients of the majority of my time, energy and resources; their happiness will be a valued genuinely above all else; and I as their mother and guide with a spiritual connection to them from their time in my womb will see them for who they are, assume the responsibility for connecting them to learning opportunities in line with who they are, that will ultimately carry them far in life no matter where their little feet (or a plane) shall take them. I will never preach about what another parent or family should do and I stand firm in demanding that others offer me the same. Even as a professional who has attained “higher education” , I crave more (something different) for my children.

A’Bree’s (12) first day of 7th grade and A’Brahm’s (3) first day of pre-k, homeschool edition, August 2021

As things stand, my littles are in my care daily; happy, learning through culturally rich experiences, and thriving. This lifestyle came with many sacrifices including a great employment opportunity. However, our lifestyle and their futures hold way more value. We will continue on this path until we are routed elsewhere and along the way we will continue to share our story with the world.

Our little family unit! I’m so proud of what we have built and what we have overcome. I know Papa is smiling down on us, proud 🤍

I hope someone was inspired by this piece. I dare you to take a risk and change something uncomfortable in your life. With or without a plan, just have faith. The universe has you!! Stay tuned, until next time…

Xoxo,

Millennial Mom

Our Home… Her School: homeschooling for us

A SAHM’s share about why and how she homeschools/worldschools her eldest child in the state of NY, how she creates a personalized schooling curriculum and routine, and gauges progress.

The picture above is of my “mini me” giving an end of semester presentation to friends and family, detailing what she has learned so far this year. As a homeschooled student, the opportunities to share and receive feedback with others are limited. So, I help create such opportunities for my little.

A Roman philosopher once said “home is where the heart is”… and if you’re my “mini me” it’s also the place that you call school. The special thing about home for us is that it’s not just just where we currently reside in New York City. Home for our family has been some wonderful places around the world that we have grown to love; places that we learned so much from. Where we are geographically sometimes determines how and what we study, in what places. Our schooling life has been a big topic of interest for people who have met us so, I decided to share why we started this lifestyle and describe what it looks like for us. We happen to be fascinated by the practice of homeschooling and hope to see bigger communities of homeschoolers forming in the near future. At present, we seem to be a small bunch.

Why We Started Schooling at Home

If you have been following our journey, you are well aware of our craving for freedom, simplicity, and a minimalistic lifestyle. We seek this in all avenues of our lives including work and school. For some time, Bree and I toyed around with the idea of homeschooling/worldschooling where we would take on adventure wherever we were and learn through whatever we were exposed to. It has always been my dream to be a stay-at-home mom who schooled my child(ren) and I was thrilled when my daughter one day asked if I could be her teacher. We talked and planned until we were able to make this transition happen in 2016 and now we are living it. What we have found is that we have been freed from long and monotonous school routines and exposed to more rich learning experiences. We have had the opportunity to be in different places, meeting new people, and trying new things which for us is a ton of fun. In addition, we happen to live in a state where homeschooling is legal (unfortunately, some states don’t allow it… womp) so we said yes to testing out this option. We are quickly moving into year three of homeschooling and loving it.

My little lady! So motivated by her persistent eagerness to learn.

There once was a time when I was asking the universe for the dream that I am living now, to come true!

Curriculums? What to Study?

Since we began homeschooling, I have designed my daughter’s schooling curriculum mainly based on topics that she is interested in studying. People often ask how I know what to teach her, how I know if what she’s learning is enough, and how I test her. The answer is threefold. New York State provides basic guidelines for what subjects and concepts should be taught to students based on grade level. This helps me know what subject areas to cover, and what topics are mandatory. However, how and what I use to teach these subjects are up to me and in our family, up to “mini me”. Once I cover required subjects I often expand on what my little learns or expose her to information not taught in traditional school settings. In the past, I secured a curriculum from my daughter’s old charter school and tailored her homeschooling curriculum to what she would be learning if she were in school. However, I focused greatly on her method of learning. I wanted her to choose how she was learning. I leave the “how to” up to Bree as this is where the fun and diversity of learning comes in. I believe learning is most meaningful when it is enjoyed so this is my reason for giving my child such freedom to choose. A’Bree has shown a level of maturity far beyond her years so I trust her to take the lead in this area and guide her when necessary.

In regards to how much she is learning, this is irrelevant in our schooling practice. As people, we are learning at every moment of the day whether we realize it or not. We do not need to be stationary with paper and a pen in hand to learn. Just based on this, I trust that my little is learning enough and our study routine dedicated to learning activities makes me even more confident. We focus more on the quality of what Bree is learning opposed to how much she is learning. We learn for enjoyment, memories, and knowledge… NOT testing! At present, A’Bree does not complete state testing. Her tests are ones that I create but not ones that we learn how to take all year. Instead we learn at A’Bree’s pace and based on her interests and it seems that she absorbs so much more which makes it easy for her to regurgitate what she is learning; whether it be through a presentation, answering questions, or writing. We previously home schooled for one year and then allowed A’Bree to return to school for social reasons. After she was assessed to determine where she was, she was found to be well above her grade level.

A’Bree Says Let’s Study _________!

During the spring months, Bree and I begin planning for the start of homeschooling and what topics/concepts we will study. She has the freedom to choose anything she wants to learn about and my role is to source the teaching materials and guide her. This year she wanted to study primitive technology (she’s a fanatic about this), marine biology, life after death, social issues, dieting and food lifestyles, body movement and flexibility, public speaking, blueprint designs, photography, and Spanish and Russian language. The one subject where she did not have a choice was penmanship. I have made this subject a big part of her schooling routine as handwriting in print and script are very important to me. I’m sure this is not the focus of many millennial moms these days due to technology, and schools don’t practice it either. However, I’m not wavering on this one lol. I created my little’s curriculum by organizing these topics under the umbrella of the mandatory subjects provided by the state. We have been studying different concepts and topics through use of books, documentaries, online materials, and day-to-day activities.

In the past when we were wanders, we had the opportunity to: study flamingos in the deserts of Peru through observation, tour underground caves, interact with South American natives responsible for creating floating islands, hike and tour Machu Picchu, line fish in Bocas del Toro, study the meaning of graffiti style art in Colombia, tour the Mayan ruins in Tulum, learn about economy on a tiny Nicaraguan island, and the list goes on. This year our learning adventure began in New York City and was very much based on things relative to life in the states. In a few days we will be venturing down to the Carolinas to see what history and learning opportunities intrigue us there. Then we will be headed to the Florida Keys to focus on animal and marine life. We will also be making some pretty unique places home/school during our trip including a converted school bus on a farm, a yacht, and tiny house.

A converted school bus accommodation in Homestead, Florida that we will call home for a few days. You can check it out on Airbnb by searching the Luv Bus at Z Button Farm. Or click the photo for the link.

A quaint tiny house on wheels in Miami, Florida that we will call home for a few days. We found this accommodation on Airbnb. Click the image for the link to the listing.

Another unique accommodation in the Florida Keys, found through Airbnb. Click image for the link to this listing.

Responsibilities as a Homeschooling Mom

One question that I was recently asked regarding homeschooling is how come I do not get in trouble for keeping my child home from school. I found this question to be comical and interesting but answered honestly. And the answer is, homeschooling is NOT simply keeping your child home from a traditional school setting and doing nothing all day. Homeschoolers are in fact busy learning but in a different way. In addition to learning and teaching, as the parent I am responsible for submitting quarterly reports to my local homeschooling office detailing what was covered during the quarter, how my daughter progressed, and the number of hours she dedicated to learning. This covers me by showing the state that I am affording my daughter an educational opportunity. Quarterly reports also serve as a kind of report card which lets my little know what she excels at and what she can improve on.

Altogether, we are absolutely loving this homeschooling journey. It’s an opportunity to bond and learn together. And as my “mini me” says “what can be better than waking up to your family every day and doing what you love all day? I’m excited for our future homeschooling days and hope to connect with fellow homeschoolers in our home base area or as we roam. We hope to soon attend a worldschooling summit where we’ll connect with other families. If you’re a homeschooling family, drop a comment about where you are and some of your favorite practices. If you are looking to make the shift towards homeschooling, comment what some of your challenges are and let me know if I can assist. I’ll be sure to share more about schooling at home in the future so stayed tuned. Until next time…

Xoxo,

Millennial Mom

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The Superiority Complex: a possible explanation for acts of oppression amongst humanity?

A mother’s thoughts on oppression and race issues in the U.S. and a possible explanation for the perpetuation of such problems

My mini me Bree and her friend Bree entering one of the exhibits at the African-American Museum in Washington, D.C.

This week, my baby girl and I took a trip to the African-American Museum in Washington, D.C. It was such an emotional and enlightening trip to say the least. It gave me insight into the strides that have been made in the U.S. in regards to race issues; in addition to revealing the road that the nation still needs to travel. One of the most powerful exhibits in the museum was that dedicated to young Emett Till. His actual casket was on display to the public and waiting in line to view it, I felt that I was indeed attending a funeral service. Outside of the replicated church, I watched as a young mixed girl sobbed and her mother tried to comfort her. When I then looked at my mini me, there was a look of sadness and confusion in her eyes. I’m sure she wondered why the other young girl was crying. I doubt that she was prepared for what she was about to see and learn but I knew it was important. As much as I often seek to hide the reality of things like how race issues plague this country, I know I will be doing my girl a disservice failing to educate her. So I explained as much as I felt I could about Emett and the following day, my family spent our Friday evening watching the documentary The Untold Story of Emett Till.

My view of the U.S. Capitol from the local bus in D.C.

In my mind as a 28-year-old woman always trying make sense of the oppression of different groups of humanity throughout the world, I never can. So I know understanding this topic as an 8-year-old girl is even more challenging. In the course of educating my daughter in homeschooling lessons, this topic is one we have researched and discussed many times and it is often hard to accept. However, I am committed to helping my little one better understand issues such as oppression, racism, and discrimination; and in my journey to do so many questions and thoughts often come to my mind. In writing about these thoughts now, I hope to enlighten others and encourage them to think about things they have never considered before. I also hope to learn if others share my same sentiments, and hope to be educated by those with differing perspectives.

Each one teach one… Bree 1 helping Bree 2 read an exhibit description

One common theme that I see in eras of segregation, genocide, discrimination, etc. around the world is fear/intimidation covered up by one group of people oppressing others, and preaching this idea of “superiority”. My personal postion about this topic of superiority is one that I actually wrote one year ago. However, I struggled to come around to publishing it before. After my experience this week and my current thoughts, I believe now is a fitting time to share my thoughts with the world.

And one year ago I wrote:

Superiority; a term meaning supreme, higher than, more clever than, or of increased significance. And then there is the ideology known as the Superiority Complex defined as one’s practice of superior attitudes to compensate for or hide inferiority. I often question if the idea of superiority is actuality valid? Or is it a made up construct designed with the purpose of oppressing others?

One of the many captivating images we viewed during our trip throughout the museum

It is evident that people, places, and things can be defined using the term superior. However, when we begin comparing one thing to another; one place to another; or one person to another, use of the term as an adjective just doesn’t give us much detail. One can make statements such as “I am superior, that place is more important, that thing is better”; statements that may very well hold true about a particular person, place, or thing. But in the act of comparing/contrasting one person, place, or thing to another such statements may only be partially true, or may only be the case in one regard versus another. Here are a few examples:

The comparison of people: A female lawyer considered superior in the area of law in contrast to her other colleagues. Outside of law, she is a great runner but a poor dancer; she speaks well in public domains but struggles to effectively communicate with her spouse. And in this lawyer’s circle exists another female lawyer of similar status who is an amazing dancer but she hates running; she gets nervous amongst large groups but in intimate settings people around her would never know this. Who is superior in this case?

The comparison of places: There exists an island surrounded by blue water and black sand, a place appreciated as a location to escape but a place lacking population and activities. A few miles away exists another island with waters not so blue and white sand; very much populated with lots to do but at times noisy. Which place is superior in this case?

Some people would pick lawyer A over lawyer B or island A over island B based on preference. But can it be said that one lawyer or island is superior in comparison to the other? It is my opinion that making such a determination is impossible when comparing things that are completely different. There are a number of factors that can make something/someone/someplace different but different does not indicate superiority.

In our society it has been the norm to distinguish superiority amongst people. This practice is one that seems to serve the negative purpose of dividing groups opposed to encouraging unity based on things that make us the same; or encouraging the acceptance of things that make us unique. Factors such as socioeconomic status, race, education, talent, physical abilities, and physical appearance are a few common characteristics used to separate the “supreme” from the “subordinate”. However, one must ask who determines who is better, more clever, more attractive, more educated, more successful, more athletic, etc. Are these things not based on preference and opinion?

Superiority is an ideology that I do not support as its use serves to separate and divide. Even worse, it is used to compare the uncomparable. It encourages one-sided/ borderline ways of thinking where a person, place, or thing is viewed as all superior and it’s counterpart is not. Or out of two things it only allows for one to be significant and not the other. This belief is out of touch with reality as it is possible for two things to be important/significant in their own rights. As people we should embrace the fact that we are so complex. Consider again for a moment the previous examples, Lawyer A and B who possessed different skills/talents in different domains thus making it impossible to determine who was more significant or better. Island A and B also had individual qualities that would be valuable or important to different people based on interest/preference. These examples are impossible to compare in order to identify the “superior”.

All in all, separating groups based on this idea of superiority seems to be useless although historically it has worked. People just like places and things are different and should be embraced based on such. The efforts to always identify the subordinate seems to be a way to oppress and belittle particular groups. The practice of dividing groups and utilizing oppressive acts to maintain dominate groups within humanity is a practice the human race needs to move away from. It is an insecure practice that may be the result of existing fear within one group, that members of another group pose a threat or have things that they lack. Instead of being intimated in such circumstances, we must embrace what it is that makes us each unique, learn from those who have what we do not, and overall turn intimidation into admiration.

I know that this topic could carry on for forver and I know that I’m very much a dreamer who sometimes has too much hope for humanity. But I am also a realist and understand that there is no one solution to this problem. We have a way to go before we get to a place of better understanding and genuine acceptance of each other. The competitive society that we live in doesn’t make this challenge any easier. However, a united effort to progress is a start. As I often say to my loved ones “we will all be ok if each one teaches one! And as mini me always preaches, we were born for love not hatred.

A quote presented in one of the exhibits that took me back in time for a moment

I hope someone received my thoughts and considered something they hadn’t before, after reading this post. Until my next philosophical piece…

Xoxo,

Millennial Mom