overseas living – Millennial Mom

“Get a House and Grow Your Roots”: A “gypsy” woman’s response to criticism

Rare that you see a woman of color and her miniature belly dancing on a beach right? But yes this is us! So much about us makes us such a rare bunch 💙

“Your family is like a gypsy family… no school, moving here moving there. Get a house! Grow your roots in one place” she said to me. The former statement was such a compliment to me and I immediately lit up when I heard it. The latter was the worst advice anyone could have given me, but it was understandable considering the source. Only the people who truly know me would understand why. If you have been a follower of Millennial Mom and have been keeping up with the changes I have made in my life, you know why too.

The words the woman said to me went in one ear and out the other. I felt sad for her! That although leaving her home country full of culture years ago to migrate here to the states (to find whatever she was seeking), she ultimately stopped seeking and became complacent with following the norm. Chasing money, working long hours at one job, finding little time to vacation, and accumulating large debt to live a dream that many of us are not privileged to comfortably live. For most people, this routine is the only way to live. And many people do it with or without complaint; I respect and commend the people who have chosen to live this dream. Then there are those of us who struggle and need a more sensible way to live. For me, this routine derails me from my ultimate goals and dreams. Goals and dreams that I’m repeatedly questioned about and sometimes criticized for having. So I write this post to share why I’m committed to living Tea’s Dream opposed to the one that we often refer to as the American Dream (abbreviated here as AD). And sharing how I often respond to the tough critics who simply do not get it.

Thus far in my life, I’d say I’ve come very far and accomplished a great deal. At one point, I was on the path of living this AD and was very much in agreement with it. Then one day I began to question why we strive for this one dream even when it makes life that much harder for some of us. When pondering this, I was specifically focusing on our practice of assuming large debt for higher education, the purchase of homes that will take long years to pay off, and for the purpose of buying/leasing vehicles. My thoughts initially began following a trip abroad. I remember traveling to the Philippines and being invited by our Tuk-Tuk (a motorized bike taxi) driver to his house. I was shocked to see what the driver and his family called home and I immediately felt bad for them. I didn’t want to accept a drink or the snacks that they offered us, fearing that they may not have had enough for themselves. The driver noticed my reluctance to take what he and his family were offering and then politely taught me something. He reminded me that “mini me” and I were his guests, told me that he was delighted to offer us refreshments, and said that the Philippines is not like America where his sister is a nurse. He stated that “we have much less and we are happy too”. I have since replayed this exchange in my head for the last three years because the meaning and the lesson in this conversation is so deep. Based on what I walked away with, I am constantly evaluating my life and the things that I choose to value.

Prior to shifting my focus toward a new way of living, the AD was something that I valued greatly and it was something that I was determined to achieve. My dedication started in the area of education. My education has always been important to me as I understood early on, how it would impact my ability to sustain the lifestyle that I wanted. Because of this, I was sure to take it serious from the very beginning. I finished high school in great standing and immediately went on to college despite hardship (read about it here). I knew exactly what I wanted to study and planned for it. One thing that I didn’t think through completely was the expense to obtain higher education, especially at the graduate level; and how this would impact me after completion of my degree. This topic isn’t one thoroughly addressed in school either so if you’re not learning this at home or on your own, you learn the hard way later on. But that’s a topic for a different post. Anyhow, I was fortunate to be a recipient of over $60,000 in scholarship funding which made my education affordable. However, practicum hours (3,000 plus) and maintaining the cost to live in NYC while completing my degree and work experience requirements, as a single mother, required me to secure loans to stay afloat. Luckily, the full cost of my education was covered.

Graduating with my M.A. in Forensic Mental Health Counseling from CUNY John Jay College of Criminal Justice, May, 2014.

After completing school and advancing my career, I started working to pay off loans while managing the expense of rent, my vehicle, childcare, and other bills. After a while I began to ask myself “is this life? Is this what I’m expected to do for the rest of mine? And for people like myself who are far from financial wealth, how do you comfortably make this work?” So I began plucking the brains of the people in my life who I believed to have responsibly done it; people I looked up to as good examples. Sadly, the advice I was given took me in a circle and I was right back where I started with the same questions. “New home buyer programs, leasing vs. financing, and repayment plan options” for loans were things I was told to consider. I was already aware of these things and was expecting much better advice. I ultimately decided that instead of looking outward for answers as I often tend to do, I was going to flip things and reverse it (yes I sang Missy Elliot “work it” as I wrote that). I was going to look inward, see what I needed, realize what I could live without, better understand what would make me happy at the end of this life, and change my life’s trajectory. I was going to begin moving according to a new plan that took all of these things into consideration. And so I did! You can read more about the specifics of my journey if you haven’t already, throughout my blog posts including:

Our Road to Happiness: finding an alternative way

Journey to Tiny House Living: moving from one box to another? … Why?

A New Life Aligned: Meditation and Travel

Our Home… Her School: homeschooling for us

Major changes that I made related to the things at the core of the AD…. my job, my home, and the education that I afforded my daughter. I drafted a plan where we would end our expensive life in one place and instead take on a more affordable life in multiple places (countries). We would spend less time apart for the purposes of learning and working to do so while together, moving at our own pace, according to what was right for us as a family and as individuals. And I recently factored in saving to buy an unconventional home (a tiny house) outright to eliminate the debt and commitment that comes with the purchase of a traditional home, and the senselessness that exists by renting a home that will never be ours. With the amount of research, pros and cons lists, and exploration that I put in prior to setting these goals, I often feel confident with my decisions and plans. In addition, I have always believed that my resilience, hard work, and dedication to my life success have proven my ability to make the most challenging situations into something polished. Although these are my sentiments, it’s not something that everyone can see. And because of this, I often feel pressured to explain and respond to tough criticism regarding my life plans, although I understand that I don’t have to.

“No traditional school for your child? No 9-5 job? No plan to purchase a traditional home? Extended travel for months at a time?” These are some of the questions I’m often asked with pre-judgment, from those inquiring. I was once told that my plans and lifestyle are “careless” and “irresponsible”. The only reasoning I was provided was because there is “no stability and foundation” for my family based on my plans. And for the longest time I thought about these two concepts: stability and foundation and how subjective they are. From person to person, these things have different meanings. From person to person, our needs, wants, and circumstances all differ. So we should therefore strive to attain whatever it is that satisfies these things for us individually. As much as I believed in the past, that this is what most people do, I learned otherwise during the course of answering questions and responding to criticism about my practices. I started to feel as if I was viewed in a negative light for wanting to live an alternative lifestyle with benefits for my entire family. And this was quite bothersome because people have provided me little support for why they believe what I am striving for to be so careless. Thankfully such feedback hasn’t changed my mind about what I hope to accomplish and I am grateful for these conversations.

I have engaged in numerous talks (many happening thanks to my shares here on Millennial Mom) where I have clarified many misconceptions regarding some of my family practices such as homeschooling, extended travel, and journeying to live tiny. I have given many people something to think about and have received great responses … even from complete strangers. In addition to the many other things that I value, such dialogue is important to me. As I constantly evaluate my practices vs. my purpose (blog post coming soon) I hope to encourage others, and stimulate more independent thinking and living.

In my 30- years (I just celebrated another year on 5/22), here’s what I have discovered. As a people we’ve gotten too accustomed to following an outline, the majority, or the norm; being told what to think and how; feeling pressured to live a particular lifestyle out of fear, straying away from doing our own searching, and failing to truly follow what our hearts want. In my counseling work and personal life, I see this pattern too often. I repeatedly learn about the dreams that people wish they followed, why they didn’t, and the mistakes they made. Pressure from parents, desire to please the spouse, need to comfort the kids… all common responses I’ve heard about reasons dreams and plans got away from people on particular paths. I’m eager to not make this my life as I value maintaining genuine happiness and persistently attaining new knowledge much more than following what society believes is right for me. I am dedicated to navigating life’s journey according to my purpose. So I have regular check-ins with my heart and present my findings to my brain. Recently after doing so, I had to ask myself a series of questions to see just where I stand in relation to tho AD.

This clean illustration by lawyer and cartoonist Victor Chew captures how I view the AD oh too well!!! @victorexpat IG

Is it responsible to purchase a home or car that I’ll have to work and pay for, for a significant part of my life? Maybe

Is this something I could do? Yes, miserably and uncomfortably

Is this something I want to do? Absolutely not.

Is it considered “living” to me if I settle in one place, commit to working for 40 plus years at job to secure retirement and pay for material things? Not At All!!!

Here’s why:

In my life I hope to continue making as many countries in the world, our home! I’d rather pay for my children to live like royalty at a price that leaves me feeling content rather than fearful. I wish to eliminate the stress from my husband, of having to work long hard hours just to cover our basic expenses. I will live and love in a space that provides just what my family needs at a cost that allows me to make greater investments… like the purchase of farmland that my daughter asked me about, one year ago where we will one day park a tiny home and grow what our stomachs and hearts desire. I yearn for the freedom to go where my heart leads me and where the universe calls me without any burdens to hold me back. All of this is for the purpose of our genuine happiness that I first wrote about at the start of Millennial Mom. And that comes with making more memories minus all the materials, seeing new places, people, and cultures, and continuing to find peace in our minds and body, in nature. Today I’m just praying for my family’s continued faith that there is more than one way, and their understanding that the universe always has our backs. I’m far from crazy, or lazy, or careless. I’m simply trying to help my family grow without sacrificing the things that mean the most.

So the the masses that say, “grow your roots”, my roots are grounded! My trunk is grown, my branches are in place… just wait for the twigs and leaves/flowers to come. They will be a beauty and with the seasons they will change 🙏🏾. (As if I don’t have a enough to do, I am in the process of painting an oil on canvas piece as self-therapy, that I’ll call Tea’s Tree. I will share in a future post when I’m finished so look out for that.) And the people who see me as a “gypsy”, I’m flattered, thank you!

It felt good sharing this with my readers. I hope you take away the message that not everyone is going to get you. But don’t let that hinder you from doing you. We all know what’s best for us and although our choices may not always reflect that, they are things that we must live with and learn from 💙. If this post gave you a thought, or inspiration, drop a comment or emoji below (I love them). Have questions, advice, or feedback? Let a mama know. Until next time…

Xoxo,

Millennial Mom

“Instead of buying your children all the things you never had, you should teach them all the things you were never taught. Material wears out but knowledge stays” – Bruce Lee

A New Life Aligned: Meditation and Travel

An amazing shot I captured in Tulum, Mexico on a walk through the ruins

After years of much chaos and disorder in my life, I finally got to a point where things just seemed to fall into place. Although things did not happen over night and required significant changes on my behalf, life felt sweet minus the chaos I was familiar with. Sadly, after experiencing disappointment for so long it was sometimes hard for me to accept the blessings that were right in front of me. However, one year ago I vowed to begin training my mind to view my life’s journey differently. I ultimately learned that what is meant to be in this life will be; and found that our trials are just as valuable as our triumphs. And here I sit today so grateful to the universe for this new life aligned. I am appreciative for the new understanding I have found and content with the blessings in my world that encourage me to look forward to my days ahead. As I always say, I feel compelled to share my journey with those who seek motivation and liberation from similar struggles. I argue that change similar to what I have experienced is possible for anyone who makes the necessary adjustments. For me those adjustments included the introduction of meditation and travel into my life.

I personally made revisions in my life beginning with the way I viewed events both good and bad. I intensely trained my mind how to work through situations that were challenging without crashing or giving in when things didn’t go as I anticipated. I also worked hard to learn how to just be still; to settle my mind and realize that I am not always in control. Each day I remind myself to limit my obsession with control and to be open to whatever is to come. From these efforts I have been blessed with an inner peace that no one can take away from me; and blessed to now be journeying through life with more clarity. I cherish where I am today and the way in which I arrived here is something I will never forget. Meditation, self-reflection, re-evaluation of relationships/separation from negativity, and travel have been the biggest contributors to where I stand today.

Meditation has now become a valuable and significant part of my life. It is a routine that aids me to be more balanced and I believe it will ultimately help me to live a more a stable life. I turned to meditation when I realized that I was often anxious, lacking focus, and allowing stress to impact me physically and mentally. I learned to use meditation in all areas of my life not only when things were off, but also when things were going well as I not only yearned for balance but wanted to maintain it once I found it. Meditation for me has become a lifestyle. I now commit to use it to remain centered and to advance. In the past I was skeptical of people who were so pro-meditation but I have found that it is such a simplistic practice to better one’s life; a practice I wish I had incorporated into my life sooner.

Travel (extended) has been the biggest blessing for me and my family as well; particularly my little one. Sadly, we became so accustomed to a routine of work, work, work that we were overwhelmed and brainwashed to believe there was no other way. But I remember the day that we threw in the towel and started researching a better option to survive and also be happy. Ultimately we arrived at escaping the life and routine that exposed us to the pressures of the capitalist lifestyle and became adventurers. We were no longer chasing a dollar but instead following our hearts to live our dreams. We were able to connect again and experience life through a different lens. We met some amazing people abroad who were inspirations to us; people who taught us there is no one way to live life; people who proved that you can be happy with less; people who showed us that our dedication to family, love, and happiness is imperative. I am so happy that my family shared this experience and hope to soon return to it.

Like mother like daughter… taking a few moments to take in the beautiful sunset, Puerto Viejo, Costa Rica

If you too feel that things in your world are off, you lack inner happiness/peace, and you yearn for a more stable mind, consider adjusting your outlook on things and re-training your mind. Step away from some of the routines you have become accustomed to that consume your energy and time, and try something new. Do what frees you… do what pleases you. The reality is we only get to do this thing called life once and the numerous factors that make this journey challenging, will only lead us to our end days wishing. I vow for this to not be my fate. So today I stand proud; so thankful for my struggles and understanding that I am a work in progress but I am grateful for this new life aligned.

Afternoon strolls by the beach and quality time, Big Corn Island, Nicaragua

This post is dedicated to the locals of the Philippines, Peru, Nicaragua, Panama, Costa Rica, Colombia, and Mexico who showed us a new way. Stay tuned for future posts about the regions we traveled to, budgeting/planning, and much more. Until next time…

Xoxo,

Millennial Mom

Living “Lavishly” on Less Than $25k: extended travel on a budget

Over the past few months I have repeatedly been hit with the question “how did you do it?? Wasn’t traveling for 7 months expensive??? And from this, I felt it important to share my tricks and tips on financially making extended travel possible on a budget.

The answer to the most commonly asked question that people pose when learning about our journey is no! Traveling for 7 months was not expensive and it is totally possible. So here is what we did.

We live for an amazing sunset! Puerto, Viejo, Costa Rica

1. Planned like crazy

We initially analyzed our monthly expenses in New York City to simply be reminded how ridiculously expensive things were for us. We then considered places we wanted to visit and began comparing the cost in those areas to what we spent in NYC monthly. After we completed a list of places we wanted to visit, we calculated the average cost for a family of three to live there for one month, and threw in a few hundreds extra just to be safe. We calculated a budget for the 7 months and got busy saving.

2. Saved our coins

Once we learned how much money we would need for our journey, we got busy saving. Being that our expenses in NYC were high, saving was challenging so we had to get creative. We started a savings jar that we contributed loose change to daily. We cut out eating out and put the money that we would typically spend on lunch into our saving fund. We collected bottles and would return them to the market each month to receive a bottle deposit refund. I participated in paid online surveys to raise a little extra money, and discontinued cable in our home. We tried to cut out any extra expenses that we could live without. 6 months prior to our journey, we sold everything in our apartment which brought in a large sum of money for us. We had weekly yard sales, posted on selling apps, and took our expensive items to consignment shops. In my free time, I did hair and makeup on the side to raise extra funds. Whatever money I had left over from my pay check after paying bills went to our travel saving account. At the end of everything, we were able to save over $16,000 USD for our trip.

3. Book a one-way ticket abroad and home

After we saved and allocated funds for our trip, we vaguely mapped out where we wanted to go and booked a one-way ticket to destination one and a one-way ticket back home from our last destination (essential to finalize our travel insurance). We picked our first destination and the ones to follow based on the best seasons to visit each place. We decided that we would use various means of transportation to travel to each of our destinations including land, water, and air travel. Whenever we needed to fly, we used special websites known for discounted airfare and only booked one-way tickets as we found it to be cheaper; and we often did not require roundtrip tickets being that we moved about.

4. Moved in with family

In efforts to continue saving money, to eliminate a crazy rent expense, and to still live comfortably after giving up all of our furniture, we moved in with family.

5. Purchase luggage

One of the last things we did before we set off on our journey was purchasing backpacking luggage for our family of 3. By trial and error, we practiced how to pack light and carry our backpacks.

6. Doctors appointments and insurance

As it got closer to the time for us to set out on our journey, we went to see our doctors for checkups and to secure medication for our time away. We then purchased inexpensive insurance plans that would cover us if we became ill abroad. A package for 3 people cost $ 150 USD for 7 months.

7. Book first destination airbnb

A few weeks before departure, we booked a place to stay via airbnb to avoid the hassle of doing so once we arrived at our first destination. During the course of our trip we used airbnb, Homeaway, and locals to help secure accommodation. We often found accomodation ranging from $15 USD per night to $40 USD per night. There were times we could splurge on a nice hotel or home when we came in under budget which was always nice; or we would eat out somewhere fancy which I loved.

8. Set out and stick to the budget

Following these minor steps, we left school and work and set out on our trip. We made sure we stuck to our budget to avoid running out of money. I maintained a notebook to be on task with budgeting and practiced a few routines to help with this. In areas where we needed to exchange money, we did so in the airport to get the best exchange rate. We shopped at local markets, ate the meal of the day whenever we ate out, cooked at home, and brought snacks on outings when we could. We also got accustomed to walking everywhere to eliminate travel expenses and downloaded maps to help us. We tried hard to do much of what a local would do to save money and it all worked out.

Ready to set out with all our luggage and gear

After all, we were able to live very nicely in each destination that we traveled to. In fact we spent about $12,600 for the 7 months we were away, and travled to Peru (Lima, Huacachina, Cuzco, and Puno), Panama (Panama City and Bocas del Toro), Costa Rica (San Jose, Monteverde, and Puerto Viejo), Nicaragua (Managua and Big Corn Island), Colombia (Bogota and Medellin), and Mexico (Playa del Carmen, Cancun, and Tulum). Our expenses for 7 months in all of these regions were equal to the cost for our expenses for 3-4 months in the states. Much of what we did were things that would be difficult for us to enjoy in the states. We got so much for our money and often felt that we were living lavishly. I was lucky to maintain remote employment to save for life when we returned home and to maintain expenses I had including loans, credit cards, and my vehicle that I was unable to sell prior to traveling. I signed up for income-based programs/options wherever possible and everything worked out very easy. The one tip that I will emphasize for anyone interested in trying this out, is researching the expenses for the places you will travel to, and allow yourself enough time to plan and save. I believe I have mastered these steps and feel well prepared to plan and budget for our next trip.

Such a tranquil sight… Big Corn Island, Nicaragua

I hope I have not missed anything but will be sure to add anything I may have forgotten at a later date. If you are interested in more details about blogs I used or websites I found helpful in the course of planning my travel, feel free to message me. Until next time…

Xoxo,

Millennial Mom

Our Road to Happiness (pt. II): planning a new route

After years of hard work and dedication to living out my “American Dream”, I grew to a different place mentally. Such growth yielded me to be in search of a life more fulfilling and different from what I am familiar with back home in the states. I realized that the “American Dream” allowed me to reach many of my goals and then this particular dream was not my dream anymore. Nor was it something as close to my heart as it previously had been. I was over working 50+ hours per week for a business that was not my own; tired of spending countless hours away from my little one; confused as to why I accepted dedicating the majority of my earnings to bills and debt; and frustrated with traveling for only one or two weeks out of the 52 weeks in the year to quickly return to work again. Such a routine was less of a dream for me and more of a nightmare. However, I was grateful to have been afforded the opportunity to advance my education, to work as a young professional in a managerial position in my field of study, and blessed to have been in a position to afford my “mini me” and I a comfortable lifestyle; opportunities not available to many people. So I embraced the ideal of the “American Dream” for some time and then accepted the fact that I had outgrown it. I then had my mind set on a new dream; a dream considered very much unorthodox in the minds of many; a dream easier to be embraced by people with a millennial mindset. And in November of 2014, I was on a new mission to make that dream my new reality. I was in pursuit of a new route to our happiness.

A paradise that I had the opportunity to experience while living in Bocas del Toro for one month. Photo by me, December 2016

In November of 2014, I remember siting in my office while my mind wandered elsewhere. I would have very much preferred to have been somewhere else. I was bored of my routine, tired, and barely surviving the cold winter climate in NYC. So to offer myself a little hope and excitement I googled tropical images and dazed at them. I then began researching places opposite the U.S. in terms of culture, food, language, warm climate, etc. Although I was fortunate to live in a city where I could easily get a taste of these things (minus the warm climate part as it was winter) in the diverse neighborhoods around me, I wanted to find a place where I could escape with “mini me” and be totally immersed in these things if I wanted to. A number of places that appealed to me immediately appeared in my search results. So I purchased a travel journal and began compiling a list. This project was something I was very excited about. Despite several of my co-workers thinking that I was nuts and in the stage of some sort of early adult-life crisis, I knew I was just fine and on to something great . As my list of places to wander grew, I knew I needed to narrow it down. I believed that I could better do so by creating a list of things I would hope to do and accomplish in the regions on my list; and then select places based on what stood out to me from my list. However, I knew I could not do this task on my own. I had to consult with none other than my life partner… my “mini me”.

Some of the best conversations I have had, have been with this little face in some very special places; including our picnic blanket in Flushing Meadows Park, in Queens, NY.

Bree and I began regular conversations about changing our lifestyle through travel. We were yearning for culture and were in desperate need of a break. But we were clueless about what exactly we wanted to do and how we would make it happen. Would we take longer vacations together during the year? spend the summer months away? or do the “unthinkable” and make traveling a full-time practice as a single mama-daughter duo? At that time, my then five-year-old said yes to all options… everything was a go for her. I on the other hand needed to guide us towards a more specific goal. To arrive at a better goal, together Bree and I started highlighting many of the things that we loved about our New York life and discussed things that we wanted to get away from. We then talked about what we hoped to find in other places. I also created a threefold question for us to quickly answer each night before bedtime which was “if I had one wish what would I ask for, what would I change, and how would I live my life afterwards if my wish came true”. This question was one Bree and I routinely discussed for about a week until my then five-year-old so maturely and articulately laid out her wish for me, and then it hit me!

Evening conversations before rocking my “mini me” to sleep looked a little something like this.

One evening during our nightly discussion Bree hopefully shared her threefold wish with me. Her wish was something along the lines of “if I had one wish, I would want to spend more time with you! I would wish for more money so you wouldn’t have to work a lot and I would make you a teacher so you could teach me… after that I would just be happy”. As emotional as I could ever be, I held my baby and reassured her with the words “no worries, I got you”. I was uncertain of exactly what I needed to do but it was a start. Bree and I moved on from discussing wishes to watching YouTube videos of places we wanted to visit. In each region , we talked about what we wanted to see and learn. Bree was very much fascinated with Egypt and wanted to learn about architecture, archaeology, and desert animals. She also talked about learning Spanish language. Surprisingly she noted as much as she loved Egypt, she was uncertain about visiting there for safety reasons. She reiterated this point to my good friend Cynthia during a comical car ride where we discussed wandering further. So I introduced Bree to my research findings on places in Central and South America. We were sold on places like Mexico, Costa Rica, Guatemala, and Peru; places where Bree could absorb information about diverse animal life, Maya and Inca cultures famous for great architecture (somewhat similar to the Egyptian culture), gold mining, and craftsmanship. And we would be able to be in the warmer climates we were craving. I began looking into homeschooling options to see if I also had what it took to teach Bree and explored different curriculums.

Things were looking really good and I was feeling very confident. This caused me to kick my research mode into overdrive. I learned the average cost of living in various countries in Central and South America. I then budgeted out the monthly expenses for Bree and I to explore in such regions. I looked up things such as food costs, accommodation, methods and cost of travel, schools, and fun things to do. Once I had an idea of what such an excursion would cost us, I was sold again! The cost for us to survive and explore overseas was significantly less than the massive expenses we held in the states. I decided that my salary from my part-time work position could be used to maintain any bills I had while traveling, and would begin saving a lump sum to be dedicated solely to our travel. After coming to this realization, I was beyond thrilled. Our new dream was looking more and more realistic. However, I had much more work to do; starting with a trial travel period to assess “mini me’s” potential to adjust to life overseas.

On a night where we realized changing our lives to fit our new dream was looking more promising!

Stay tuned for pt III of: Our Road to Happiness

Until next time…

xoxo

Millennial Mom

Our Road to Happiness: finding an alternative way

In October of 2016, my “mini me”, the love of my life, and I made a huge leap. We left behind our lives in New York City, packed our backpacks, and set out to travel South and Central America for seven months. Our journey away is not the typical travel/vacation that most people imagine. We have yet to stay in one place during our course of travel and much of our journey has been done on a budget. We have moved about five different countries thus far, living out of our backpacks, lodging in various types of accommodation from luxury apartments, to hotels, to hostels. It’s been an AMAZING journey to say the least. Traveling with a child based on our style of travel has been both a unique and challenging experience. All in all, our excursion was planned and executed to meet my baby girl’s dream of traveling and seeing more of the world. This journey is also very much related to my dream of traveling which I put on hold after I became a mother. Despite how different our experience has been from the lives we live at home and despite the challenges that come with the traveling lifestyle, I’d say it is well worth it. But before I share more about the challenges and the things that have made this nomadic journey so special, I must first share the reason why I gave up everything I owned, left my career of six years behind, withdrew my “mini me” from school, and hit the road. My story is one that I hope serves as an example that there is no one way to journey through this life; when a path presents a road block simply find an alternative way.

Whenever I share my current experience and new lifestyle with others (backpacking with a 7-year-old through 6 countries, home/worldschooling, and working from home), I am often met with responses showing that others are intrigued, fascinated, inspired, and eager to know more. I am also frequently met with critical questions such as “why would you leave such a great career and life to wander? weren’t you scared? what will you do when it’s all over?; questions that I find somewhat realistic and very much in touch with how I believe most mothers, working professionals, and Americans feel. However, I would not consider myself your typical mother, would argue that I am different from the average working professional, and believe I am someone difficult to compare to the average American. To answer the questions often posed to me as a traveling and homeschooling mom, I gave up my career, lifestyle, and everything I owned for several reasons. Before I share my reasoning for such a change, it is important to note that everything I did came after careful planning, weighing of pros and cons, years of trying various options, and brainstorming of how I could do better for my daughter and myself. During a time when I was a single mother with limited help to provide for my daughter, I realized that I had to find a better way to maintain our household without depending on my family or the “system” to do so. For several years, I tried different options that impacted my daughter and I negatively. The reality is after such trial and error, we were tired. We faced more than enough hardship and challenges throughout our years together, and were ready to throw in the towel. We were sad, bored, and in many ways desperate. In addition to wanting to meet all of our needs and give us better, I was desperately seeking genuine happiness for my little girl and myself; the happiness that I seemed to have forgotten about in my normal life while being overwhelmed with school and work.

Since 2010, my “mini me” and I have had a lot on our plates. We have been pushing every day to stay above water in several aspects of our lives. In 2010, I was in the process of completing a Master’s degree in Forensic Psychology and spent many days away from my little one. I was commuting from upstate New York to New York City for classes at John Jay College. This was my routine three days per week for one year. I would leave home at 5:30 am Monday, Wednesday, and Friday and return home after 6:00 pm. On the days that I did not attend classes, I was putting in hours at two internships, completing course work, hitting the gym, doing freelance work to maintain an income, and spending time with my daughter. It was no easy task but I always hustled with the belief that we would one day rise above our hardship. Sadly, my demanding commute and the repeated harassment I experienced from my daughter’s father often times made me feel like I was sinking. However, no matter how bad or tired I felt, I never gave up. I simply made changes in my life as needed. I was determined to be successful to give my “mini me” and I a better life and would do so by any means necessary. One of those means was leaving my baby in the care of my parents (my mother and step-father) for 1.5 years to go into what I call hiding; and to complete my degree with less distractions.

baby-girl-and-i Through it all, I maintained a smile…finding hope in the eyes of my “mini me”

In June of 2011, I relocated from my hometown in Monticello, New York, back to New York City where only my close friends and family knew where to find me. Living in my hometown, I was subjected to threats and harassment from my child’s father after I made the decision to leave him. I did not wish for such factors to hinder me from completing my degree and I wanted to remain safe. During my time in New York I was focused more on finishing my degree and began building a new life for my daughter and I. The two years that I spent finishing my degree were yet more sad and overwhelming times for me. I woke up alone daily, went to school for long hours or worked full-days, and went to bed the same way I awoke. Many nights I cried as I missed my daughter and although I tried to be optimistic, sometimes I did not believe some of the positive affirmations that I told myself. On weekends I traveled to the Catskills from my place of hiding to be with my family and returned home at the end of the weekend. This helped me feel less lonely and less guilty about being away from my daughter. The constant commuting was again no easy task but thankfully the day did finally come where we rose above and moved on from this stage in our lives. I graduated college with honors and completed my degree in Forensic Mental Health. I arranged for my baby girl to move down to NYC into our new and cozy apartment, and enrolled her in pre-school. Following my graduation, I was successful in landing my dream job providing therapy in a correctional facility, putting my degree to use. It appeared that the storm for us was passing and we were entering a state of calm.

One of the best days of my life, Graduation 2013; M.A, John Jay College

From May of 2012 to September of 2016, I worked hard to maintain a beautiful apartment in Brooklyn, New York for myself and my baby girl. In addition, I balanced all of our bills and expenses on my own paying close to $5,000 per month. I juggled school loans, childcare expenses, a car note, extra-curricular activities for Bree, and all of our monthly household and personal expenses. I continued to be optimistic throughout the process, maintaining the mindset that all my hard work would one day pay off. However, like any responsibility that requires hard work and dedication, there comes burnout after some time. After my years of being a dedicated mother, student, and professional, I was truly burned out from the work I was putting in. Although, I was familiar with burnout and mastered techniques to help me temporarily overcome it, I knew it was time to make a change when my little one too began showing signs that she was overwhelmed. Despite my fatigue, it was evident that my hard work was yielding favorable results. However I was still confident that there had to be another way. One of our favorite ways to find a place of calm… outdoors (here we are pictured while camping in Promise Land State Park, PA)

In the winter of 2015, my “mini me” began showing signs that I never saw before. During mornings when I would drop her off to school, she would cry for reasons that I did not understand. When I would pick her up from school, she would spend her evening clinging to me and begging to stay home from school the following day. These behaviors were new to me and one day prompted me to have a talk with Bree. I asked her what changed and her response was simple. She told me that she was TIRED of being away from me, TIRED of spending long hours in school, TIRED of spending dinner time and bath time with her nanny, and TIRED of seeing me tired. This for me was hard to swallow and brought about great sadness. I realized that in my efforts to give my daughter a better life I was causing her loneliness and sadness. In addition, she was trying her hardest to thrive in a single-parent household. This realization was the moment that I knew I had to make changes. I needed to begin brainstorming a plan that would allow Bree and I to live comfortably while spending more time together, a plan that would allow me to still feel that I was successful in my career and making use of my education, and a plan that would allow me to create a life that ultimately allowed Bree and I to be genuinely happy. And so the planning began…

school-and-work School/work days in NYC started something like this

Stay tuned for part II of Our Road to Happiness: finding an alternative way

Until next time…

xoxo

Millennial Mom

Getting to Know Us

Meet the fam!

Hello,

Welcome to Millennial Mom; a blog where my family and I will share our personal experiences with you as they relate to modern-day parenting, full-time family travel abroad, homeschooling/world-schooling, family exercise, family fun, family issues, meal prep, and so much more. You’ll have the opportunity to read about why I consider myself a Millennial Mom and young matriarch; and learn about the values of my family and how our lifestyle is different from the traditional family. However, before I delve into that I want to take a moment and introduce who we are as a family unit. Getting to know us will help our readers and followers understand us individually, understand our roles, and understand the journey that we are currently on.

My name is Tanisha G. and I am a 27- year-old mom originally from Upstate New York. At present I like to call myself a gypsy as I have no desire to stay in one place, and I travel full-time with my daughter and partner. I consider every place I travel my home and I doubt that there is any bigger home than the world itself. My home base is in New York City. I am a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and spent 6 years of my life studying Forensic Psychology to obtain my Master’s degree. I currently work remotely for a private practice as a Forensic Report Writer. I recently gave up my full-time job of four years working on Rikers Island providing mental health services and counseling to inmates. I departed from my job to take on the role as a full-time, stay-at-home mom, to push many of my creative interests, and to begin focusing on how to grow my own practice in psychology. I now spend my days caring for and schooling my “mini me” and devoting my time to the love of my life. I do all of this while juggling: working from home/abroad, maintaining my social life and glam girl appearance, planning the future ahead, and staying on top of my career goals. My goal and purpose in both this blog and in life is to be an inspiration to other mothers (particularly those who are young and facing hardship as I have been there at a point and time in my life), to share my unique experiences with the world, and to show anyone that anything is possible.

Meet my “mini me” A’Bree (pronounce Ayy-Bree) or you can just call her Bree! She is 7-years-old and one of the biggest blessings I could have ever received in this life. Bree is a unique child who I would describe as far beyond her years. She is eager to learn and has shown an interest in traveling to learn about the world around her. She loves to write, sing, and dance. She enjoys helping me cook and create meals, participates in “mommy and me” yoga sessions, and loves “glam time” with me where we do hair, nails, and makeup. For many years Bree and I were a single mama-daughter duo. During this time she was my strength and motivation; a selfless, understanding, and loving child. Bree is not only my daughter but my best friend. I cherish her as the gem that she is and dedicate my every day to being the best mama I can be.

school-girl-bree

Our lives were recently changed after the love of my life joined us and filled the biggest void. Meet Ilya (pronounced Eel- yaa) or you can call him Elli. Elli has served as both an amazing partner to me and as a supportive father figure to Bree. I describe him as the most dedicated, loyal, loving, and kind partner that I could have ever asked for. In our daily life he juggles many roles, sometimes assuming my regular roles when I am tired or overwhelmed. He tolerates my craziness, my one million and one ideas/plans for the future, and keeps me level headed in my hectic life. He gave up his life in New York City this past summer to travel the world with A’Bree and I for eight months. Together our family has journeyed through Central and South America to fulfill our daughter’s dream of seeing the world. We have shared some amazing experiences that we now hope to share with the rest of the world.

family-pic

Stayed tuned for what we have to come! I can assure you that our blog will be a place where you can come for creative ideas, inspiration, a good laugh, and stories to warm your heart. Thank you for taking time to get to know us. Until next time….

xoxo

Millennial Mom