parenting – Millennial Mom

Liberated By My Truth

I turned 33 this year in May and spent my day at my favorite vineyard in Lexington, NC. It was a birthday outing that I now see as truly symbolic. The last year for me has been like the aging of fine wine… with time, a maturity and quality that is grand.

This write is one that holds a power unlike any other piece that I have ever written before. A power very deeply connected to things within me and about my life journey that have played a part in shaping me into the person that I learned to be. Over the last two years, I have committed myself to a new path of growth and healing since losing the love of my life. I embarked on this journey during a time where I felt quite lost and in need of finding out who I am meant to be at this time in life. This path has required me to look inward, upward, and outward. And the outcome has included significant realizations about self, my past, my relationships, and my future. Realizations that I am beyond grateful for. I have found the greatest liberation from my healing journey although it has at times been one of the hardest things that I have ever had to commit to. Today I write to share a little more about my truth as it relates to deep reality testing, assessment of relationships in my life, and breaking unhealthy habits/patterns. I write to express how we can find the greatest freedom in our lives simply by writing our truths; and going even further to challenge those truths through comparison to words and experiences sometimes presented to harm us or create self-doubt. This work is quite unique as it is an entry straight from my mind dump journal, that helped me arrive at a truth that I have prayed for, for some time. The truth that I am not and do not have to be what others wish to mold me into. The truth that my walk in this life may feel like a foreign language to others. The truth that my greatest liberation has come just by me better understanding and accepting me for me.

I recently had an exchange with someone in my life who has struggled to understand me. I never understood the discord but over the years realized that no matter what I said, did in life, or how hard I worked, I’d likely be viewed with a side eye, and viewed as this character foreign to who I know myself to be. In this conversation, I received a breakdown/list of many of the things that this person saw in me. It was shocking and overwhelming but an opportunity to reality test, self-reflect, and grow in the areas where I was falling short. And as I reviewed the list, few things resonated with me. So, I ran to my journal and hoped that in working through things visually and in an engaging way, I could better arrive at what I was missing. I made a chart (the nerd in me couldn’t resist) with two columns: one labeled “their truth about me” and the other labeled “my truth”. I went to work listing and comparing, with my truths noted in many parts as affirmations that I will continue to speak to myself. What I found in the end has left me feeling more empowered and freer than I have ever felt in my life.

My soul always leads me to water to find the greatest peace. It is in nature where I have received the most abundant healing.

This deep reality testing chart from my mind dump journal looked like this:

Their Truth About Me	My Truth
I abandoned my child to be free, to travel, for 5- years	For a period of two years of my life, I moved 2hrs way from my first child to obtain higher education. It was a hard sacrifice to make. I cried often and worried at times, but knew it was for a chance to better myself. I took the opportunity to visit as often as I could. I worked hard, enjoyed life as a young college student, and balanced what it was to do so while being a mother.
I prioritized globetrotting over being a mother	My babies venture with me mostly everywhere I go. I once enjoyed one vacation to Mexico during the two years that I committed to my master’s degree, while my baby girl was not in my care full-time. I took a trip during one of my spring breaks with friends and loved it. It was for respite. I thought I earned it for working hard. When my daughter moved back in my care, it was “grind” time but after two years we traveled parts of the world together for 10 months in South & Central America and two weeks in our favorite place: The Philippines.
I am disrespectful	I use my voice. I stand up for myself and what I belief is right. I am passionate. I am not perfect. I am principled. I am human.
My significant others gained their acceptance	In my 33-years, I have had 3 long-term relationships in my adult life. All which came with their own unique challenges and one that shook my world in a crazy way. But nothing that I feel I didn’t manage as best I could or that I allowed to cause problems in the lives of the people I love. My most recent love Ilya Paka was a man who changed my life. He naturally gained the love of most people that he met as the gem that he was. In my eyes, no one did him any favors accepting him. To know him was to love him.
I don’t worry about my children	I became a stay-at-home & work from home mom because I worry greatly about my children. When away from my littles, I often feel anxious. I think about their future often. I raise them to be close so that in my absence, they have the love and support of one another always.
I complain about everyone	I speak up about what bothers me. One of my qualities that I admire is my frank and vocal nature. I don’t allow people to treat me any way they wish. I speak my values and try to outline healthy boundaries. I protect my peace which includes protecting my babies from the actions and words of others that I find harmful.
The care that I select for my children is questionable	I trust my children in the care of individuals I can trust. In my absence, my children have experienced things that were harmful while with people I believed I could trust. Today, I forgive myself for this and separate my children from sources of harm.
I am blasphemous	I confide in friends and loved ones I can trust, regarding my truth and struggles. They encourage and support me. I return the same. The nature of our conversations are based in truth and real-life experiences. I encourage people to find support in people with whom they feel most comfortable. I encourage friendships and the growing of your own tribe. I speak out against things that are malicious and untrue.
I have no loyalty	I refuse to condone what I believe is negative or toxic actions. I am loyal to who and what feels right. I disagree with the idea that status, roles, etc. should exempt people from consequences when they are wrong. I have strong relationships based on love, truth, and loyalty which I am proud of.
I have misconceptions about my life	I design my life based on my values and all that I believe to be true. I accept that not everyone will understand my life. I make mistakes as I am not perfect. My life is very much about trial and error. I learn and adjust as I go.
I shut people out	I love genuine, loving connections that feel in alignment with who I am. I give people chances. I am social. I thrive off of healthy relations. I enforce my boundaries. I no longer accept things that feel wrong to me.
I use my children as pawns	I dedicate my life and entire existence to protecting my children from harm/potential harm.
There is no perfect person; they are content with their efforts and role in my life… they are excellent.	There is no perfect person. Perfection in my opinion doesn’t exist. I don’t strive for perfection. I strive towards greater healing and growth. I am good at certain things in my life. There is always room for me to improve. My best looks different as I grow. I am a work in progress. My excellence will be determined by my higher power, at my end.

Here she is…. my Mind Dump Journal. She allows me to free my mind without prompts. I draw, doodle, write deep entries, and just go where my heart leads me. It has been a transformative process and mind dumping is a process that I began about two years ago and have since taught the art to the women whom I work with.

Wooooh! Processing and working through this conversation took grace and bravery. I received the message, realized the reality that I would destroy myself working to ever gain the understanding of this person in my lifetime, and I set the burden free. I mediated, connected with my tribe, ugly cried, and now I carry on… continuing to process all of this and ultimately work through what I feel now. In my journal I wrote:

“Wow! Finding truth is liberating. It sometimes takes a lot of work and deep reality testing. This entry has freed me in a way that I never imagined.”
Tea Pakanayeva- in my journal title “A Journey to a Better Me Through the Art of Mind Dumping”

This process for me was necessary to work through the bounds of a relationship that has played a significant role in my life and influenced me in ways both good and bad. I share my approach to freeing myself from this bond to offer hope and inspiration to someone else out there. Self-doubt is often times the result of things that we are told about who we are. In not being able to see what others see in us, we can sometimes fall into dark places of despair. But today I encourage you to rise above this as difficult as it may sometimes feel. Remind yourself of who you are, your purpose, and what you commit yourself to, daily. Free yourself from things and people not in alignment with your highest self. Find simple activities such as meditation, journaling, and genuine affirmations to help you find your way and elevate. Turn to resources such as coaching and counseling as your find your truth. Your truth will always set you free. Sending an abundance of love and light to my tribe out there today, doing the work of deep deep healing. Keep pushing… liberation is so close.

I dedicate this write to my beautiful children A’Bree Inez (13) and A’Brahm Ilian (4). Thank you for your unconditional love. I commit to being a better of myself not only for me but for us. Love Mama ❤

Be well in these uncertain times friends, until next time….

xoxo,

Tea

Millennial Mom

Unpublished Gems: Why I Stopped Sending My 8-year old to “Daycare”

Bree all dressed and ready for school… looking her best and shining bright, September 2017

Yet again, it has been months since I blogged last. I’ve lacked time, inspiration, and ideas of what to share here on my blog. Despite this, I I love what I started 5 years ago here on Millennial Mom and want to get back to writing and sharing my life story more consistently. I am working on new content now and have decided that in the interim, I will share my folder of drafted pieces with my followers before I release a write that is more in line with what has transpired in my life recently. This series of posts will be titled Unpublished Gems. In honor of my baby girl who truly isn’t a baby anymore, and who will be a teenager in just a few short weeks, I am publishing this article that I drafted 4 years ago. It’s dusty and quite dated however, I hope that it will resonate/inspire one of my readers. So here it goes!

Where did my baby go? 13 in just a few weeks. Parenting is the one thing in my life that has shown me that time waits for no one.

The cost of childcare these days is close to a college tuition. But when you’re a full-time working parent with limited support, sometimes you just have to accept that cost. I was fortunate for many years to have free childcare from 7:15am to 6:00pm, Monday thru Friday. Yup that’s right… FREE. Who could pass up that offer? You’d be surprised to know that I accepted that deal for a short time before I gave it up. Now before you conclude that I’m a crazy person for doing such a thing, listen to my story and reasoning for why.

My daughter’s daycare was located at P.S. 377 in Brooklyn, New York on the second floor. I would drive 40 minutes with traffic to drop her off in the morning, after a 5:30am wake-up. I’d then hustle to work fighting more traffic then race against the clock, in even more traffic at 4:30pm to make it back to my baby just before 6:00pm. Once back at home, it would be about 7pm and mama was completing household duties, homework, and work for clients. I would have a two-hour window to make dinner, lunches for the following day, tidy the house, get a shower, and spend time with “mini me”. Now I’m sure after reading up to this point you have two big questions. So let me answer one that you may have which is how did I balance such a hectic schedule? The answer is by the grace of a higher power who loves me dearly. I literally sacrificed my health and sleep to keep up with this lifestyle. But who was it benefiting? My apartment management company who I gave away the majority of my salary to; or the creditors and loan companies that I owed; or my utility companies? That’s not really the problem here as I entered those agreements and fully accepted the responsibility. The problem is why wasn’t my “mini me” and the care providers who looked after her for almost 12-hours per day, benefiting just as much? That never sat well with me and one day I told myself that something had to change. After consulting with an “expert” I agreed that I was not going to send my daughter to daycare anymore.

By now you may be on to the point that I’m making. My reference to “daycare” is not speaking of the typical daycare that you first think of when you hear the word (I will also note now that the “expert” I consulted with was my daughter). Daycare for us became my daughter’s school. Before I move on, let me be clear that my point-of-view is in no way demeaning teachers or school systems! I instead wish to highlight my believe that a huge burden placed on teachers in America; some of the most under paid professionals in our society who bare the greatest responsibility. In addition to this point, I write this post to share my reasoning for why I could no longer allow my little to be a part of the traditional school system. Now moving right along…

How could the most important person in my life be in receipt of so little of my time? Every other entity in my life was given more of my energy and resources than she was. People have argued that as a working mom, I was affording my daughter everything that she needed and that was the benefit for her in our situation. However, after traveling and world-schooling for a short time, I realized that the life that I afforded us in the states was not what we needed at all. In fact it was my want… my desire to keep up with one way of life when there are many other ways. This want lacked consideration of all the small things that truly make life special. When I finally realized this, minimalism and unorthodox living became a huge thing for me. We were going to do more with less in unique ways that were fitting for us, and refocus our lives on what really mattered most: our happiness, quality time, memories, and family. We strongly believed that homeschooling and child-led learning would afford us just that.

I ultimately decided to register my “mini me” as a homeschooled student again in 2018 and decided that I would become a stay-at-home mom again. We previously tried this lifestyle out in 2015 and loved it but ended up back at the starting line of the rat race in 2017 (I’ll detail why in another write that pertains to my dearest love Ilya, who I have since lost). We experienced all the pressures of the American Dream and disliked it. We designed a new way of living but later came back to try the accepted dream again, only to find that our sentiments were exactly the same. Instead of complaining about going back to something that clearly was not for us, I made a decision that I am now sticking to. I have established a bill of rights for my family that include my children being my top priority in a way that it shows.

As for me in my household, my children will be the recipients of the majority of my time, energy and resources; their happiness will be a valued genuinely above all else; and I as their mother and guide with a spiritual connection to them from their time in my womb will see them for who they are, assume the responsibility for connecting them to learning opportunities in line with who they are, that will ultimately carry them far in life no matter where their little feet (or a plane) shall take them. I will never preach about what another parent or family should do and I stand firm in demanding that others offer me the same. Even as a professional who has attained “higher education” , I crave more (something different) for my children.

A’Bree’s (12) first day of 7th grade and A’Brahm’s (3) first day of pre-k, homeschool edition, August 2021

As things stand, my littles are in my care daily; happy, learning through culturally rich experiences, and thriving. This lifestyle came with many sacrifices including a great employment opportunity. However, our lifestyle and their futures hold way more value. We will continue on this path until we are routed elsewhere and along the way we will continue to share our story with the world.

Our little family unit! I’m so proud of what we have built and what we have overcome. I know Papa is smiling down on us, proud 🤍

I hope someone was inspired by this piece. I dare you to take a risk and change something uncomfortable in your life. With or without a plan, just have faith. The universe has you!! Stay tuned, until next time…

Xoxo,

Millennial Mom

“Get a House and Grow Your Roots”: A “gypsy” woman’s response to criticism

Rare that you see a woman of color and her miniature belly dancing on a beach right? But yes this is us! So much about us makes us such a rare bunch 💙

“Your family is like a gypsy family… no school, moving here moving there. Get a house! Grow your roots in one place” she said to me. The former statement was such a compliment to me and I immediately lit up when I heard it. The latter was the worst advice anyone could have given me, but it was understandable considering the source. Only the people who truly know me would understand why. If you have been a follower of Millennial Mom and have been keeping up with the changes I have made in my life, you know why too.

The words the woman said to me went in one ear and out the other. I felt sad for her! That although leaving her home country full of culture years ago to migrate here to the states (to find whatever she was seeking), she ultimately stopped seeking and became complacent with following the norm. Chasing money, working long hours at one job, finding little time to vacation, and accumulating large debt to live a dream that many of us are not privileged to comfortably live. For most people, this routine is the only way to live. And many people do it with or without complaint; I respect and commend the people who have chosen to live this dream. Then there are those of us who struggle and need a more sensible way to live. For me, this routine derails me from my ultimate goals and dreams. Goals and dreams that I’m repeatedly questioned about and sometimes criticized for having. So I write this post to share why I’m committed to living Tea’s Dream opposed to the one that we often refer to as the American Dream (abbreviated here as AD). And sharing how I often respond to the tough critics who simply do not get it.

Thus far in my life, I’d say I’ve come very far and accomplished a great deal. At one point, I was on the path of living this AD and was very much in agreement with it. Then one day I began to question why we strive for this one dream even when it makes life that much harder for some of us. When pondering this, I was specifically focusing on our practice of assuming large debt for higher education, the purchase of homes that will take long years to pay off, and for the purpose of buying/leasing vehicles. My thoughts initially began following a trip abroad. I remember traveling to the Philippines and being invited by our Tuk-Tuk (a motorized bike taxi) driver to his house. I was shocked to see what the driver and his family called home and I immediately felt bad for them. I didn’t want to accept a drink or the snacks that they offered us, fearing that they may not have had enough for themselves. The driver noticed my reluctance to take what he and his family were offering and then politely taught me something. He reminded me that “mini me” and I were his guests, told me that he was delighted to offer us refreshments, and said that the Philippines is not like America where his sister is a nurse. He stated that “we have much less and we are happy too”. I have since replayed this exchange in my head for the last three years because the meaning and the lesson in this conversation is so deep. Based on what I walked away with, I am constantly evaluating my life and the things that I choose to value.

Prior to shifting my focus toward a new way of living, the AD was something that I valued greatly and it was something that I was determined to achieve. My dedication started in the area of education. My education has always been important to me as I understood early on, how it would impact my ability to sustain the lifestyle that I wanted. Because of this, I was sure to take it serious from the very beginning. I finished high school in great standing and immediately went on to college despite hardship (read about it here). I knew exactly what I wanted to study and planned for it. One thing that I didn’t think through completely was the expense to obtain higher education, especially at the graduate level; and how this would impact me after completion of my degree. This topic isn’t one thoroughly addressed in school either so if you’re not learning this at home or on your own, you learn the hard way later on. But that’s a topic for a different post. Anyhow, I was fortunate to be a recipient of over $60,000 in scholarship funding which made my education affordable. However, practicum hours (3,000 plus) and maintaining the cost to live in NYC while completing my degree and work experience requirements, as a single mother, required me to secure loans to stay afloat. Luckily, the full cost of my education was covered.

Graduating with my M.A. in Forensic Mental Health Counseling from CUNY John Jay College of Criminal Justice, May, 2014.

After completing school and advancing my career, I started working to pay off loans while managing the expense of rent, my vehicle, childcare, and other bills. After a while I began to ask myself “is this life? Is this what I’m expected to do for the rest of mine? And for people like myself who are far from financial wealth, how do you comfortably make this work?” So I began plucking the brains of the people in my life who I believed to have responsibly done it; people I looked up to as good examples. Sadly, the advice I was given took me in a circle and I was right back where I started with the same questions. “New home buyer programs, leasing vs. financing, and repayment plan options” for loans were things I was told to consider. I was already aware of these things and was expecting much better advice. I ultimately decided that instead of looking outward for answers as I often tend to do, I was going to flip things and reverse it (yes I sang Missy Elliot “work it” as I wrote that). I was going to look inward, see what I needed, realize what I could live without, better understand what would make me happy at the end of this life, and change my life’s trajectory. I was going to begin moving according to a new plan that took all of these things into consideration. And so I did! You can read more about the specifics of my journey if you haven’t already, throughout my blog posts including:

Our Road to Happiness: finding an alternative way

Journey to Tiny House Living: moving from one box to another? … Why?

A New Life Aligned: Meditation and Travel

Our Home… Her School: homeschooling for us

Major changes that I made related to the things at the core of the AD…. my job, my home, and the education that I afforded my daughter. I drafted a plan where we would end our expensive life in one place and instead take on a more affordable life in multiple places (countries). We would spend less time apart for the purposes of learning and working to do so while together, moving at our own pace, according to what was right for us as a family and as individuals. And I recently factored in saving to buy an unconventional home (a tiny house) outright to eliminate the debt and commitment that comes with the purchase of a traditional home, and the senselessness that exists by renting a home that will never be ours. With the amount of research, pros and cons lists, and exploration that I put in prior to setting these goals, I often feel confident with my decisions and plans. In addition, I have always believed that my resilience, hard work, and dedication to my life success have proven my ability to make the most challenging situations into something polished. Although these are my sentiments, it’s not something that everyone can see. And because of this, I often feel pressured to explain and respond to tough criticism regarding my life plans, although I understand that I don’t have to.

“No traditional school for your child? No 9-5 job? No plan to purchase a traditional home? Extended travel for months at a time?” These are some of the questions I’m often asked with pre-judgment, from those inquiring. I was once told that my plans and lifestyle are “careless” and “irresponsible”. The only reasoning I was provided was because there is “no stability and foundation” for my family based on my plans. And for the longest time I thought about these two concepts: stability and foundation and how subjective they are. From person to person, these things have different meanings. From person to person, our needs, wants, and circumstances all differ. So we should therefore strive to attain whatever it is that satisfies these things for us individually. As much as I believed in the past, that this is what most people do, I learned otherwise during the course of answering questions and responding to criticism about my practices. I started to feel as if I was viewed in a negative light for wanting to live an alternative lifestyle with benefits for my entire family. And this was quite bothersome because people have provided me little support for why they believe what I am striving for to be so careless. Thankfully such feedback hasn’t changed my mind about what I hope to accomplish and I am grateful for these conversations.

I have engaged in numerous talks (many happening thanks to my shares here on Millennial Mom) where I have clarified many misconceptions regarding some of my family practices such as homeschooling, extended travel, and journeying to live tiny. I have given many people something to think about and have received great responses … even from complete strangers. In addition to the many other things that I value, such dialogue is important to me. As I constantly evaluate my practices vs. my purpose (blog post coming soon) I hope to encourage others, and stimulate more independent thinking and living.

In my 30- years (I just celebrated another year on 5/22), here’s what I have discovered. As a people we’ve gotten too accustomed to following an outline, the majority, or the norm; being told what to think and how; feeling pressured to live a particular lifestyle out of fear, straying away from doing our own searching, and failing to truly follow what our hearts want. In my counseling work and personal life, I see this pattern too often. I repeatedly learn about the dreams that people wish they followed, why they didn’t, and the mistakes they made. Pressure from parents, desire to please the spouse, need to comfort the kids… all common responses I’ve heard about reasons dreams and plans got away from people on particular paths. I’m eager to not make this my life as I value maintaining genuine happiness and persistently attaining new knowledge much more than following what society believes is right for me. I am dedicated to navigating life’s journey according to my purpose. So I have regular check-ins with my heart and present my findings to my brain. Recently after doing so, I had to ask myself a series of questions to see just where I stand in relation to tho AD.

This clean illustration by lawyer and cartoonist Victor Chew captures how I view the AD oh too well!!! @victorexpat IG

Is it responsible to purchase a home or car that I’ll have to work and pay for, for a significant part of my life? Maybe

Is this something I could do? Yes, miserably and uncomfortably

Is this something I want to do? Absolutely not.

Is it considered “living” to me if I settle in one place, commit to working for 40 plus years at job to secure retirement and pay for material things? Not At All!!!

Here’s why:

In my life I hope to continue making as many countries in the world, our home! I’d rather pay for my children to live like royalty at a price that leaves me feeling content rather than fearful. I wish to eliminate the stress from my husband, of having to work long hard hours just to cover our basic expenses. I will live and love in a space that provides just what my family needs at a cost that allows me to make greater investments… like the purchase of farmland that my daughter asked me about, one year ago where we will one day park a tiny home and grow what our stomachs and hearts desire. I yearn for the freedom to go where my heart leads me and where the universe calls me without any burdens to hold me back. All of this is for the purpose of our genuine happiness that I first wrote about at the start of Millennial Mom. And that comes with making more memories minus all the materials, seeing new places, people, and cultures, and continuing to find peace in our minds and body, in nature. Today I’m just praying for my family’s continued faith that there is more than one way, and their understanding that the universe always has our backs. I’m far from crazy, or lazy, or careless. I’m simply trying to help my family grow without sacrificing the things that mean the most.

So the the masses that say, “grow your roots”, my roots are grounded! My trunk is grown, my branches are in place… just wait for the twigs and leaves/flowers to come. They will be a beauty and with the seasons they will change 🙏🏾. (As if I don’t have a enough to do, I am in the process of painting an oil on canvas piece as self-therapy, that I’ll call Tea’s Tree. I will share in a future post when I’m finished so look out for that.) And the people who see me as a “gypsy”, I’m flattered, thank you!

It felt good sharing this with my readers. I hope you take away the message that not everyone is going to get you. But don’t let that hinder you from doing you. We all know what’s best for us and although our choices may not always reflect that, they are things that we must live with and learn from 💙. If this post gave you a thought, or inspiration, drop a comment or emoji below (I love them). Have questions, advice, or feedback? Let a mama know. Until next time…

Xoxo,

Millennial Mom

“Instead of buying your children all the things you never had, you should teach them all the things you were never taught. Material wears out but knowledge stays” – Bruce Lee

Join B.L.T.: Bree Learning with Tea

Have you learned about the latest project that “mini me” and I planned as part of expanding Millennial Mom from a blog to much more? Maybe you received our email newsletter yesterday and are coming here to learn more details; or you got an update that I published something new here on Millennial Mom and came to see what’s up. So, let’s get straight to business.

I have been blogging here on Millennial Mom for over two years now and have always known that I wanted MM to be much more than a blog. I wanted to somehow create opportunities for interaction with other moms and their children; new opportunities for families to experience some of the amazing things that my family has. So I have been thinking for sometime about where to start. I initially created a support group via Facebook in 2017 called Millennial Moms United but found it to be like pulling teeth getting moms to interact. I’ll one day continue building that support group but for now, I hope to build a network with like-minded mothers through my blog itself. Recently, I started debating whether or not to return to the working world after experiencing some financial setbacks. If I do, it will be one additional thing to juggle along with homeschooling Bree, maintaining my remote position, building my private practice, and simply finding time for my little family. I mentioned my thoughts to “mini me” and she commented “sometimes you have to think a little more mom”. She has always been against me working away from home and expressed her thoughts so eloquently in our recent conversation. She told me that she is “not interested in going back to old times” and “would rather us plan how to be more successful doing something we love and are good at”. I could not agree with her more! So we started brainstorming last Monday. We decided not to start something that would consume more time than what we currently have, and instead agreed to continue something that we are already doing. The change we made simply added marketing what we already do, to other moms and children for them to enjoy. We spent several days exchanging ideas, creating plans, and drafting documents. What we have come up with is truly special to me because of this project’s purpose and benefit. Having the chance to collaborate with my daughter is even more special to me. The brief planning process really showed me Bree’s skills and knowledge base. She reminded me that I too can learn from her.

So, our newest baby is called “Join B.L.T.“. With this project, I am offering students grades K-5 the opportunity to join Bree Learning with me, Tea as we Homeschool and Worldschool. SB: You may or may not know that my first name is Tanisha. So where does “Tea” come from you ask? Well, “Tea” is not only a reference to my nickname that is typically spelled T. But it also describes my desired approach to learning which encompasses relaxation, peace, pleasure, contentment, change, spiritual connection, and enlightenment. All of these things are what Tea actually signifies and they are in accord with our daily learning routine. We regularly start off our day with homemade ginger chai tea or black tea, followed by a meditation session for this reason. (We were recently gifted black tea infused with rose that I am unsure whether to brew or use as potpourri, but cant wait to try it). Now we hope to share our practices and love for natural and meaningful learning with someone new. “Join B.L.T.” will be offered in the U.S. in our home base areas (NYC and upstate NY) and wherever we travel starting this spring. We will launch this project internationally (offering families the opportunity to travel with us) starting in the Fall of 2019!

Here’s how Joining B.L.T. works:

First, a parent/student selects one of the following subjects to study during a learning session with me and Bree:

Math

Science

Writing

Reading

Social Studies

Music

Art

Physical education

Then, they select a date and time to join us. We will offer virtual learning sessions (via Skype, Facetime, and Whats App) to anyone interested in this opportunity, but who is outside of our area. Learning sessions are one hour each. Participants can learn with us for an hour or two, or three! We commit to learning Monday to Sunday, 365 days a year, at all hours that we are awake! We will offer this opportunity Monday to Sunday between the hours of 8am and 4pm.

The fee for one in-person basic learning session (no travel/field trip/guest teacher) is $40 which includes a healthy meal/snack (parents will be required to provide information regarding their child’s(ren’s) dietary restrictions and allergies). Virtual sessions are $30. We learn greatly through travel and field trips and will extend this opportunity to guest learners as well. Pricing for learning sessions on such days will vary.

*** As a special offer, the first 10 guest learners to join us will be able to learn with us for 2 hours, in two different subject areas, for $40.

And those are the details of our latest project!

I share this post with you partially for Bree and I to begin finding new guest learners to join us. We are super excited for our first registrant and have prepared such a fun curriculum that we will use. More importantly, I’m sharing our efforts to show how life often times requires us to get creative and follow our own paths; not what was outlined for us by societal standards and expectations. Does this mean that I will not return to the work world as Bree has begged and pleaded for me not to do? At present I cannot say but I am open to doing so to get back on track financially and until my dream for Millennial Mom flourishes to where I want it to be. If you read my previous post, you’ll understand my latest commitment to changing things in my life that are uncomfortable. My focus is on self-improvement, improving relationships, and improving my business. “Join B.L.T.” is just one way that I am making a change in my life. Sound like something you’re interested in for your child(ren)? You can signup here. Have questions? Read some FAQ below.

FAQ

Q: What is the purpose of this project?

A: To expose traditionally schooled children to alternative methods of learning; to provide my home-schooled child and others more social interaction; to aid parents who may need a break, want to fill in their child’s schedule with a new activity, or have a child who is struggling or lacking stimulation in a particular subject.

Q: What types of activities will guest learners be engaged in?

A: yoga, meditation, dance, cooking, horticulture, real life math, social muralism and painting, henna design, hiking, photography, fishing, cultural projects, and much much more.

Q: Who decides what guest learners study?

A: The guest learner in collaboration with myself and their parents as guides

Q: Where will in-person activities be hosted?

A: Location of activities will vary and we will provide a schedule of where we will be based monthly. If we are in your area, we can come to your home or meet at a meetup location which includes parks, markets, libraries, museums, etc.

Q: Do parents need to stay with their child for the duration of a learning session?

A: Yes, until both the parent and guest learner are comfortable in the relationship

Q: Are you a certified teacher?

A: No, I am a homeschooling parent and therapist by profession. I follow all guidelines outlined by New York State to homeschool my child and offer this opportunity as supplemental education not intended to replace other accepted methods of education.

Have further questions? Feel free to comment below or email me at tanishagray20@gmail.com

We Laugh at “Lucky”… Respect “Resourceful”, and We Are Blessed: the answer to how we are able to travel the way we do!

Happy to share my love for nature and travel with them at such early ages 💙

If you should know one thing about me as a Millennial Mom, you should know about my obsession with travel; and more importantly my dedication to sharing such experiences with my children. If you’re a close friend or family member, you can probably recall the number of times that I said (in the past) that my dream was to stay at home with my children and travel the world with them. And would you look at that, that dream is exactly the dream I am living today. So many people ask us how we travel the way we do, assume that we are “rich”, or comment that we are “lucky” (hah… I don’t recall much of anything that happened in my life being as a result of luck lol). However, I can assure you that what we do is no thanks to any stashed fortune or luck. So I write today to share just how we are able to travel for extended periods as a family. At present, “family” meaning me and my two littles as hubby has stayed behind to work during our recent adventures. I hope my practices inspire someone to try it too. (If you’re looking for more content on this topic, check out my blog post on Budget Travel.)

Me and my “littles” A’Bree (9) and A’Brahm (8-months) 💙💓

Now before I jump into any of the logistical stuff regarding how we travel, I must first highlight the two overall reasons we are able to make this dream life our reality. Reason one is… WE ARE BLESSED. Plain and simple! We would not be able to live this dream without the man above hearing my countless prayers, seeing my heart, and putting opportunities in my path. Call me crazy for believing in this way but I see no other way. I am blessed that my energy has guided my family and I to places that give us just what we need in terms of healing, peace, and balance. We rarely travel to places that we are familiar, or where we know people. We always venture out in search of the things I’ve just mentioned. And this is a part of the reason why meditation has become a big part of our world. But I won’t get too deep into this subject just yet. It’s a topic for a future post. Just understand that in a nutshell, we are blessed and I’m a mama very much in-tune with the universe.

Sometimes the only way you can see your next step, is through prayer and meditation… Falling to your knees with an open heart. I teach this young!

Not only are we blessed to live this life, but we are RESOURCEFUL. We have learned to seek out the things that help make our dream life possible. Two of the things we sought out prior to taking on this traveling lifestyle were my job which is remote and a homeschooling routine for “mini me”. Being able to work and school from home makes this dream life doable while keeping up with the two things we must do; work and study. Prior to traveling and as we travel, there are a few things that we do which allow us to keep traveling and spending extended time away from home. To start, we…

1. Plan Ahead

We plan ahead as much as possible prior to traveling for the purpose of budgeting, saving, and planning out our school and work schedules. If we were last minute travelers, we probably would not be able to continue traveling as frequently as we do. I have a book that I call my “life journal” which has a section dedicated solely to travel. This journal helps me with planning trips, noting wish list destinations, comparing travel costs, and tracking the best places to travel based on cost/season. Inside, there are trips organized as far as one year in advance. I have an old journal just for travel which I now look back on to see how I mapped out our long-term international trip. In that journal, I made a savings plan, made to/do lists, highlighted things to be purchased liked backpacks and travel insurance (Allianz Global), and tracked my planning weekly and monthly. It has become a resource for me and brings back great memories when reading through it. I encourage anyone looking to take on any big venture to get a journal dedicated to keeping track of your goal(s) as it is extremely helpful and motivating.

My ” target=”_blank” rel=”noopener”> “Life Journal” with these cool holographic scratch notes that can be found here

I recently planned an upcoming surprise trip for my mama’s birthday in a span of six months, where we will live like “royalty” for one week. There will be 6-8 of us traveling together. The planning time for this trip allowed me to secure travel and accommodation options for everyone within a very inexpensive budget (under $3k to be exact). The accommodation that I found would cost me a fortune if I waited to book it, so planning ahead was essential for planning this surprise trip and saving. Now there are occasions where I plan last minute trips. During these instances, I simply research multiple sites for airfare and look into different types of accommodation before booking anything. Which brings me to my next point…

2. Shop Around

We never book the first thing that we see. We research plane tickets on multiple sites prior to booking them and roll with whatever is more affordable. Sometimes that means booking from an airline directly. Other times it means booking through our favorite sites like Momondo, CheapOair, Skyscanner, Priceline, or Orbitz. There are occasions when we book roundtrip flights and other times that we book one way options. Sometimes booking a one way flight saves you a ton of cash so it’s important to look prior to just rolling with a round-trip ticket. Again, we always go with what’s more affordable.

In regards to accommodation, we choose between hotels, Airbnb-s, and VRBO-s (Vacation Rentals by Owner ). Most times we rock with Airbnb-s (sign up using my link at the end of this post, to earn $40 to use towards your first stay). With this type of accommodation, we like that we get to rent nice spaces that feel like home, and love that such places have kitchens where I can cook. This saves us money when it comes to dining and we typically choose to eat out for only one meal which is lunch/dinner. While traveling out of the states, securing inexpensive accommodation is pretty easy; simply by walking around and communicating with locals or booking online through the platforms I’ve just shared. One perk we found while booking hotels and hostels abroad, was that breakfast was almost always included. And the low cost of living in different countries allowed us to dine at tons of restaurants for a fraction of what it would cost at home in NYC. Now on to my next point….

Some fun accommodation that we recently found via Airbnb and stayed in… a yacht in Key Largo, FL and a converted school bus in Homestead, FL.

3. Budget, Work, and Save

After booking trips, we come up with a budget of what we anticipate we will spend for the time that we will be away. I come up with an estimated budget based on what activities we will do and considering the area we will be in. The website Numbeo helps me greatly with budgeting. “Mini me” is typically responsible for coming up with the itinerary of things to do. This is mainly because we always connect travel and homeschooling (aka “worldschooling”). I like for my daughter to find things to do related to her interests/studies and I guide her when needed. (If you’re interested in learning more about how we school at home, check out my post Our Home… Her School.) After coming up with an anticipated budget, we then work and save. Not for the upcoming trip, but for future trips. We have funds allocated to travel and after we tap into our fund for a trip, we work to replenish it. Now when I say “work”, it’s not just my job that brings in income for travel. We save:

Money that “Mini me” earns from collecting bottles
Cash back rewards from shopping and credit cards
Money we make from selling our gently/unworn clothing (check out my Poshmark closet for some chic finds).

Our earnings from these hobbies are never a lot but they do add up. The biggest earnings we made came after we cleared out our apartment in Brooklyn, NY by selling everything. We used the funds we made to pay for a good portion of our South/Central American adventures. When it comes to saving, my goal is always to save at least half of the amount that I anticipate we will spend on a trip before we depart. Sometimes things go according to plan and other times not so much but it’s always good to have a goal. And whenever we are about to get on the road, my stress levels are low so I’m not too overwhelmed if I don’t meet my goal. The last thing that we do to make it so we can keep traveling is…

4. To Continue Traveling

Lol! So long as we continue to roam and fall in love with new places, new foods/cultures, and new people, the desire to travel will always be there for us. Since the day that Bree and I got the travel bug about five years ago, we have found that traveling only feeds that bug more. And since that time, we have continued to travel as often as we can. We make it our number one priority to always seek out places that work within our budget. While we travel, we practice a few habits that allow us to keep costs low on our trips which include:

Cooking at least one meal in our accommodation
Packing snacks to take on outings
Filling our itinerary with free and low cost activities (botanical gardens, museums, national parks, libraries, beaches, etc)
Walking places whenever possible
Limiting our shopping and collection of items to take back home

However, much of the savings come with choosing the right destination based on the cost/season and shopping around for airfare. We use a number of resources to help us budget and know when and where to travel. For our international trip, we heavily utilized author & blogger Matthew Kepnes’ site Nomadic Matt to help choose travel destinations, create an itinerary, and decide when to travel. The website Rome2Rio is my go to, to learn the best/most affordable ways to get around. As I previously mentioned, Numbeo.com helps me budget travel domestically and internationally. This site breaks down the cost of living in any region down to how much you can anticipate to pay for eggs lol. I pray that the day will come when I will be able to eliminate this form of planning prior to taking a trip. But for now, as long as we remain a lower middle-class family trying to make ends meet in one of the most expensive cities in the world, while still trying to follow our hearts and dreams, this is what we must do.

The view from our plane window, heading to Milan, Italy.

I hope someone found this read inspirational, interesting, and helpful. Travel is big on our agenda for 2019 and I cannot wait to finish our two series “Oh the Places We’ve Been” and “Oh the Places We’ll Go”, to share with our readers. In addition, I will soon be blogging about remote work options and things to make money before/while traveling ; as I know many people are mostly interested in finding income to sustain travel. We are currently on a fun adventure in the Florida Keys, and have one upcoming trip at the end of the month. I won’t spoil our future blog posts by sharing any details now, so stay tuned! Until next time…

Xoxo,

Millennial Mom

Not down with Airbnb yet and looking for more than a hotel stay while traveling away from home? Sign up using my link and earn $40 to use towards your first booking:

https://abnb.me/e/lEOUWKDEbV

Are you also a nomad with tips to share? Are you a parent interested in trying out travel with your little(s)? Do you like to travel but need to learn how to be more resourceful or want to use my skills? Drop a comment below or message me!

Our Home… Her School: homeschooling for us

A SAHM’s share about why and how she homeschools/worldschools her eldest child in the state of NY, how she creates a personalized schooling curriculum and routine, and gauges progress.

The picture above is of my “mini me” giving an end of semester presentation to friends and family, detailing what she has learned so far this year. As a homeschooled student, the opportunities to share and receive feedback with others are limited. So, I help create such opportunities for my little.

A Roman philosopher once said “home is where the heart is”… and if you’re my “mini me” it’s also the place that you call school. The special thing about home for us is that it’s not just just where we currently reside in New York City. Home for our family has been some wonderful places around the world that we have grown to love; places that we learned so much from. Where we are geographically sometimes determines how and what we study, in what places. Our schooling life has been a big topic of interest for people who have met us so, I decided to share why we started this lifestyle and describe what it looks like for us. We happen to be fascinated by the practice of homeschooling and hope to see bigger communities of homeschoolers forming in the near future. At present, we seem to be a small bunch.

Why We Started Schooling at Home

If you have been following our journey, you are well aware of our craving for freedom, simplicity, and a minimalistic lifestyle. We seek this in all avenues of our lives including work and school. For some time, Bree and I toyed around with the idea of homeschooling/worldschooling where we would take on adventure wherever we were and learn through whatever we were exposed to. It has always been my dream to be a stay-at-home mom who schooled my child(ren) and I was thrilled when my daughter one day asked if I could be her teacher. We talked and planned until we were able to make this transition happen in 2016 and now we are living it. What we have found is that we have been freed from long and monotonous school routines and exposed to more rich learning experiences. We have had the opportunity to be in different places, meeting new people, and trying new things which for us is a ton of fun. In addition, we happen to live in a state where homeschooling is legal (unfortunately, some states don’t allow it… womp) so we said yes to testing out this option. We are quickly moving into year three of homeschooling and loving it.

My little lady! So motivated by her persistent eagerness to learn.

There once was a time when I was asking the universe for the dream that I am living now, to come true!

Curriculums? What to Study?

Since we began homeschooling, I have designed my daughter’s schooling curriculum mainly based on topics that she is interested in studying. People often ask how I know what to teach her, how I know if what she’s learning is enough, and how I test her. The answer is threefold. New York State provides basic guidelines for what subjects and concepts should be taught to students based on grade level. This helps me know what subject areas to cover, and what topics are mandatory. However, how and what I use to teach these subjects are up to me and in our family, up to “mini me”. Once I cover required subjects I often expand on what my little learns or expose her to information not taught in traditional school settings. In the past, I secured a curriculum from my daughter’s old charter school and tailored her homeschooling curriculum to what she would be learning if she were in school. However, I focused greatly on her method of learning. I wanted her to choose how she was learning. I leave the “how to” up to Bree as this is where the fun and diversity of learning comes in. I believe learning is most meaningful when it is enjoyed so this is my reason for giving my child such freedom to choose. A’Bree has shown a level of maturity far beyond her years so I trust her to take the lead in this area and guide her when necessary.

In regards to how much she is learning, this is irrelevant in our schooling practice. As people, we are learning at every moment of the day whether we realize it or not. We do not need to be stationary with paper and a pen in hand to learn. Just based on this, I trust that my little is learning enough and our study routine dedicated to learning activities makes me even more confident. We focus more on the quality of what Bree is learning opposed to how much she is learning. We learn for enjoyment, memories, and knowledge… NOT testing! At present, A’Bree does not complete state testing. Her tests are ones that I create but not ones that we learn how to take all year. Instead we learn at A’Bree’s pace and based on her interests and it seems that she absorbs so much more which makes it easy for her to regurgitate what she is learning; whether it be through a presentation, answering questions, or writing. We previously home schooled for one year and then allowed A’Bree to return to school for social reasons. After she was assessed to determine where she was, she was found to be well above her grade level.

A’Bree Says Let’s Study _________!

During the spring months, Bree and I begin planning for the start of homeschooling and what topics/concepts we will study. She has the freedom to choose anything she wants to learn about and my role is to source the teaching materials and guide her. This year she wanted to study primitive technology (she’s a fanatic about this), marine biology, life after death, social issues, dieting and food lifestyles, body movement and flexibility, public speaking, blueprint designs, photography, and Spanish and Russian language. The one subject where she did not have a choice was penmanship. I have made this subject a big part of her schooling routine as handwriting in print and script are very important to me. I’m sure this is not the focus of many millennial moms these days due to technology, and schools don’t practice it either. However, I’m not wavering on this one lol. I created my little’s curriculum by organizing these topics under the umbrella of the mandatory subjects provided by the state. We have been studying different concepts and topics through use of books, documentaries, online materials, and day-to-day activities.

In the past when we were wanders, we had the opportunity to: study flamingos in the deserts of Peru through observation, tour underground caves, interact with South American natives responsible for creating floating islands, hike and tour Machu Picchu, line fish in Bocas del Toro, study the meaning of graffiti style art in Colombia, tour the Mayan ruins in Tulum, learn about economy on a tiny Nicaraguan island, and the list goes on. This year our learning adventure began in New York City and was very much based on things relative to life in the states. In a few days we will be venturing down to the Carolinas to see what history and learning opportunities intrigue us there. Then we will be headed to the Florida Keys to focus on animal and marine life. We will also be making some pretty unique places home/school during our trip including a converted school bus on a farm, a yacht, and tiny house.

A converted school bus accommodation in Homestead, Florida that we will call home for a few days. You can check it out on Airbnb by searching the Luv Bus at Z Button Farm. Or click the photo for the link.

A quaint tiny house on wheels in Miami, Florida that we will call home for a few days. We found this accommodation on Airbnb. Click the image for the link to the listing.

Another unique accommodation in the Florida Keys, found through Airbnb. Click image for the link to this listing.

Responsibilities as a Homeschooling Mom

One question that I was recently asked regarding homeschooling is how come I do not get in trouble for keeping my child home from school. I found this question to be comical and interesting but answered honestly. And the answer is, homeschooling is NOT simply keeping your child home from a traditional school setting and doing nothing all day. Homeschoolers are in fact busy learning but in a different way. In addition to learning and teaching, as the parent I am responsible for submitting quarterly reports to my local homeschooling office detailing what was covered during the quarter, how my daughter progressed, and the number of hours she dedicated to learning. This covers me by showing the state that I am affording my daughter an educational opportunity. Quarterly reports also serve as a kind of report card which lets my little know what she excels at and what she can improve on.

Altogether, we are absolutely loving this homeschooling journey. It’s an opportunity to bond and learn together. And as my “mini me” says “what can be better than waking up to your family every day and doing what you love all day? I’m excited for our future homeschooling days and hope to connect with fellow homeschoolers in our home base area or as we roam. We hope to soon attend a worldschooling summit where we’ll connect with other families. If you’re a homeschooling family, drop a comment about where you are and some of your favorite practices. If you are looking to make the shift towards homeschooling, comment what some of your challenges are and let me know if I can assist. I’ll be sure to share more about schooling at home in the future so stayed tuned. Until next time…

Xoxo,

Millennial Mom

Not down with Airbnb yet and looking for more than a hotel stay while traveling away from home? Sign up using my link and earn $40 to use towards your first booking:

https://abnb.me/e/lEOUWKDEbV

Raising a Mindful Child: Meditation

40- minute “Mommy and Me” Morning Meditation… start em young!

In my role as a mother, a big part of what I try to teach my oldest little one is mindfulness. A heightened sense of awareness when it comes to her thoughts, feelings, and physical body is something I believe to be so important for healthy development and her survival. Had I learned this concept and its importance at a tender age, I’m sure it would have changed my life. However, I am grateful that I can now teach this virtue to my children as a tool for them to better navigate through this journey called life. And this for me is one of the beauties of parenting; being able to choose what values I share with my children and being able to give them things I may have missed out on.

In recent years, with the things I see happening in the world around me I feel an overwhelming responsibility to raise children who are consciously aware of themselves; the only thing that they are able to control in this life. As a parent who owns this responsibility and understands its importance, I hope to be growing just a few more good people to contribute to the goodness of the world… goodness knows we need more of them!! There are constantly things happening around us that are disheartening, anxiety stirring, and simply difficult to understand. However, it is my belief that we can improve our interactions in the world with our perspective; one that is realistic and in tune. We gain such frame of mind only when we are one with ourselves; and I aim to help my “mini me” understand this idea through Mindfulness Meditation.

We first started this mindfulness mission three years ago… and have had mediation sessions in the cutest places.

Now, the most important part of this blog entry is the “how to meditate with littles”. I know anyone reading this will understand my why for this practice but I hope someone will grasp the how, and be inspired to try it.

The magic of meditation can happen anywhere… by the pool, on a stool, in school!!!! I challenge her to practice it everywhere.

Meditation for us didn’t start out as mediation as first. I mean how can you get a 6-year old (now 9-years) to sit still for 40-minutes without them fidgeting and their mind running rampant? Nearly impossible right?! So what did we do? We dedicated time to what I call “Focused Chats” where we spoke about things such as feelings, thoughts, and how these things influence what we actually do. We would try short periods of silence while being attentive to things we heard or felt in the moment. Following this practice, we would discuss how it made us feel. The creation of a space and opportunity for this practice of focused chatting excited my “mini me” and over time became something she did with no problem. As I introduced formal meditation, it seemed similar to the chats minus the actual speaking. Instead we focused on things such as our breathing, what we heard, and simply enjoyed being silent, still, and relaxed. We started out with our morning Mommy and Me Meditation where Bree would meditate for 7-minutes and then excuse herself if needed. Sometimes I’d be surprised to find that she was sitting still next to me when I opened my eyes. She has since told me that meditation takes her to a good place. I continue to teach her that if we are able to calm our minds (one of the most powerful things in our body) we are able to clear it. This in turn will lead us to better thoughts and behavior following meditation which is what we should strive for to help better ourselves. As mature as this sounds, my daughter grasped it!

In meditating with littles, you gotta get creative! Pick a funky pose, commit to it, and “calm out”.

Today we commit to meditation each morning at 8:30 am. We enhance our sessions by incorporating our oil diffuser with our favorite essential oils and some music for different types of energy typically found on YouTube. We are blessed to be building the life and journey that we want but it’s not always smooth sailing. Life for us is at times crazy, frustrating, and confusing. In the midst of living it, it’s easy to let our minds take us away and run the show. However, we work to calm, clear, and control our minds when we are not allowing it wander and imagine. We are no meditation gurus but we are learning daily and loving what we have found. Meditation is one more tool in our belt that we need as we journey to arrive at genuine happiness and purpose. I challenge you to try it and let me know what it does for you!

She’s a dreamer… and the mind of a dreamer requires its rest 💙

I’ll be sure to share more regarding our meditation practices in the near future so stayed tuned. Until next time…

Xoxo

Millennial Mom

Pregnancy After the Nine: Preparing for baby number two

After nine interesting years with just one child, I decided to try for baby number two. Being the person that I am, I assumed “I did it once, I’ll do it again no problem… piece of cake, piece of pie”. WRONG!!! Pregnancy after waiting nine long years for me was like being a first time expecting mother again. Ohhh the things I forgot and had to remember and ohhh the new things I had to learn as part of a new pregnancy. This journey was one for the books to say the least and one I will never forget.

The Morning Sickness: Could someone have warned me about this sickness that presents morning, noon, and night? I mean I heard some moms talk about it before and I simply thought that maybe they were exaggerating when they referenced throwing up their brains all day. However, I quickly learned how serious this monstrous sickness was when I could not eat or smell anything without sprinting to the nearest bathroom or trash receptacle. For the first five months of this pregnancy I looked and felt like death! Then it was the daily struggle with…

The Back Pain and Leg Pain: During my first pregnancy I felt like a spring chicken and I was. At 19-years old, not much changed for me. I did all of my regular activities including dance, worked my full-time nannying job up until a couple of weeks before my delivery, and maintained my household duties. This go round, I was waddling like a duck early on, lifting my legs by hand to help me cross them, struggling to get from point A to B, and sometimes barely making it to the restroom. Was it my age? Was I out of shape? I started hitting the gym until I could not stand it any longer, being extremely mindful of what I ate, and constantly thinking about why I felt the way I did. For a while I was frustrated and a little hard on myself until I learned the hard way from pushing myself a little too much and not listening to my body.

Unfortunately, I experienced complications during this pregnancy that left my husband and I fearing pre-term labor or worse. I was so sad because I kept referencing my age until I learned that complications during pregnancy can happen to anyone. I was forced to stop working earlier than planned and was put on bed rest. All the things I loved and wanted to do were put on hold. Simple things like doing the laundry, cooking for my family, taking my daughter to school each morning, or even going for a walk were a no no. I really had to refocus my mind, accept what was happening, and take things more seriously. I ultimately hired help to clean my house when needed and accepted the help from family and friends which is typically hard for me to do. Every week that I made it further into my pregnancy, I thanked God.

We were blessed to make it to 37 weeks which was the milestone my doctors and specialist were praying for; and would you believe that the day before I reached 37 weeks, my car was hit by a crazy driver which sent me to the hospital by ambulance. Upon my arrival to the hospital I learned that I was 6 cm dilated. I returned home after being held for a few hours and gave birth to my son two days later. We welcomed our little prince A’Brahm ILian Pakanayev into the world on July 2nd, 2018 at 12:02 pm. Following the birth of my son, it seemed like my love for my “mini me” grew especially when watching her interact with her brother. I was so thankful and humbled. I thought it was pretty awesome being a mommy of one but the feeling “mommying” two, is even better.

As I sit here watching my little munchkins sleep peacefully, I’m simply happy that I was blessed with a healthy little one at the conclusion of this pregnancy, who has brought a new joy into our lives. I learned that every pregnancy is different and comes with its own challenges. However, the beauty of it all makes the entire journey well worth it. My experience from this go round will definitely be in the front, back, and corners of my mind if and when we plan for baby number three. Stayed tuned! Until next time…

Xoxo,

Millennial Mom

The Superiority Complex: a possible explanation for acts of oppression amongst humanity?

A mother’s thoughts on oppression and race issues in the U.S. and a possible explanation for the perpetuation of such problems

My mini me Bree and her friend Bree entering one of the exhibits at the African-American Museum in Washington, D.C.

This week, my baby girl and I took a trip to the African-American Museum in Washington, D.C. It was such an emotional and enlightening trip to say the least. It gave me insight into the strides that have been made in the U.S. in regards to race issues; in addition to revealing the road that the nation still needs to travel. One of the most powerful exhibits in the museum was that dedicated to young Emett Till. His actual casket was on display to the public and waiting in line to view it, I felt that I was indeed attending a funeral service. Outside of the replicated church, I watched as a young mixed girl sobbed and her mother tried to comfort her. When I then looked at my mini me, there was a look of sadness and confusion in her eyes. I’m sure she wondered why the other young girl was crying. I doubt that she was prepared for what she was about to see and learn but I knew it was important. As much as I often seek to hide the reality of things like how race issues plague this country, I know I will be doing my girl a disservice failing to educate her. So I explained as much as I felt I could about Emett and the following day, my family spent our Friday evening watching the documentary The Untold Story of Emett Till.

My view of the U.S. Capitol from the local bus in D.C.

In my mind as a 28-year-old woman always trying make sense of the oppression of different groups of humanity throughout the world, I never can. So I know understanding this topic as an 8-year-old girl is even more challenging. In the course of educating my daughter in homeschooling lessons, this topic is one we have researched and discussed many times and it is often hard to accept. However, I am committed to helping my little one better understand issues such as oppression, racism, and discrimination; and in my journey to do so many questions and thoughts often come to my mind. In writing about these thoughts now, I hope to enlighten others and encourage them to think about things they have never considered before. I also hope to learn if others share my same sentiments, and hope to be educated by those with differing perspectives.

Each one teach one… Bree 1 helping Bree 2 read an exhibit description

One common theme that I see in eras of segregation, genocide, discrimination, etc. around the world is fear/intimidation covered up by one group of people oppressing others, and preaching this idea of “superiority”. My personal postion about this topic of superiority is one that I actually wrote one year ago. However, I struggled to come around to publishing it before. After my experience this week and my current thoughts, I believe now is a fitting time to share my thoughts with the world.

And one year ago I wrote:

Superiority; a term meaning supreme, higher than, more clever than, or of increased significance. And then there is the ideology known as the Superiority Complex defined as one’s practice of superior attitudes to compensate for or hide inferiority. I often question if the idea of superiority is actuality valid? Or is it a made up construct designed with the purpose of oppressing others?

One of the many captivating images we viewed during our trip throughout the museum

It is evident that people, places, and things can be defined using the term superior. However, when we begin comparing one thing to another; one place to another; or one person to another, use of the term as an adjective just doesn’t give us much detail. One can make statements such as “I am superior, that place is more important, that thing is better”; statements that may very well hold true about a particular person, place, or thing. But in the act of comparing/contrasting one person, place, or thing to another such statements may only be partially true, or may only be the case in one regard versus another. Here are a few examples:

The comparison of people: A female lawyer considered superior in the area of law in contrast to her other colleagues. Outside of law, she is a great runner but a poor dancer; she speaks well in public domains but struggles to effectively communicate with her spouse. And in this lawyer’s circle exists another female lawyer of similar status who is an amazing dancer but she hates running; she gets nervous amongst large groups but in intimate settings people around her would never know this. Who is superior in this case?

The comparison of places: There exists an island surrounded by blue water and black sand, a place appreciated as a location to escape but a place lacking population and activities. A few miles away exists another island with waters not so blue and white sand; very much populated with lots to do but at times noisy. Which place is superior in this case?

Some people would pick lawyer A over lawyer B or island A over island B based on preference. But can it be said that one lawyer or island is superior in comparison to the other? It is my opinion that making such a determination is impossible when comparing things that are completely different. There are a number of factors that can make something/someone/someplace different but different does not indicate superiority.

In our society it has been the norm to distinguish superiority amongst people. This practice is one that seems to serve the negative purpose of dividing groups opposed to encouraging unity based on things that make us the same; or encouraging the acceptance of things that make us unique. Factors such as socioeconomic status, race, education, talent, physical abilities, and physical appearance are a few common characteristics used to separate the “supreme” from the “subordinate”. However, one must ask who determines who is better, more clever, more attractive, more educated, more successful, more athletic, etc. Are these things not based on preference and opinion?

Superiority is an ideology that I do not support as its use serves to separate and divide. Even worse, it is used to compare the uncomparable. It encourages one-sided/ borderline ways of thinking where a person, place, or thing is viewed as all superior and it’s counterpart is not. Or out of two things it only allows for one to be significant and not the other. This belief is out of touch with reality as it is possible for two things to be important/significant in their own rights. As people we should embrace the fact that we are so complex. Consider again for a moment the previous examples, Lawyer A and B who possessed different skills/talents in different domains thus making it impossible to determine who was more significant or better. Island A and B also had individual qualities that would be valuable or important to different people based on interest/preference. These examples are impossible to compare in order to identify the “superior”.

All in all, separating groups based on this idea of superiority seems to be useless although historically it has worked. People just like places and things are different and should be embraced based on such. The efforts to always identify the subordinate seems to be a way to oppress and belittle particular groups. The practice of dividing groups and utilizing oppressive acts to maintain dominate groups within humanity is a practice the human race needs to move away from. It is an insecure practice that may be the result of existing fear within one group, that members of another group pose a threat or have things that they lack. Instead of being intimated in such circumstances, we must embrace what it is that makes us each unique, learn from those who have what we do not, and overall turn intimidation into admiration.

I know that this topic could carry on for forver and I know that I’m very much a dreamer who sometimes has too much hope for humanity. But I am also a realist and understand that there is no one solution to this problem. We have a way to go before we get to a place of better understanding and genuine acceptance of each other. The competitive society that we live in doesn’t make this challenge any easier. However, a united effort to progress is a start. As I often say to my loved ones “we will all be ok if each one teaches one! And as mini me always preaches, we were born for love not hatred.

A quote presented in one of the exhibits that took me back in time for a moment

I hope someone received my thoughts and considered something they hadn’t before, after reading this post. Until my next philosophical piece…

Xoxo,

Millennial Mom

Mom To Me… A special poem from my mini me 💓

As a mom, I sometimes question myself and wonder about the job that I’m doing in this role. Does my mini me understand me? Does she respect my choices? Is she happy with me as her momma? There was a point when these thoughts regularly plagued my mind; especially when it was just mini me and I. I sometimes had to make sacrifices in order to run our household that I know made her sad. And I would be super hard on myself but had few options. However, one of the biggest blessings came when my daughter was old enough to communicate her feelings and mature enough to understand our reality. Even then I worried a little but I was always comforted when I would hear my daughter speak about me to others; or when I would read things she wrote about me. Recently she came to me with a poem she wrote for me and her words confirmed that she indeed gets it all.

And she wrote:

Mom To Me

By: A’Bree Inez

You held me when I was just so small

All I could hear was your little call

All I could feel was your little touch

This is why you’ll always mean so much

You’re the resource I will always need

You’re like a flower that stared with a little seed

I feel sad when you’re not there

So I think about you everywhere

I’m happy that I’m your mini me

I’m happy that you are mom to meXoxo,

A’Bree Inez

I’ll be sure to share more gems like this one from my little one in the future. Until then…

Xoxo,

Millennial Mom